My son seems to have a Mrs Robinson thing going on!

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

Seriously, I met his girlfriend yesterday and she’s absolutely lovely but after a facebook stalk she’s at least 8 years older than him. He’s only 18 so not worldly btw. I’m pleased for both of them btw but just wonder what they both see in each other. Maybe they like the older/younger dynamic? My son is an only so has spent a lot of time with adults.

Would anyone be worried about him ending up tied down with babies very doing, eg before 23/24? Am I overthinking this?

Lastly, for anyone else with grown up sons, did it feel weird the first time you saw them larking about with someone you knew they really cared about? Like they’d finally grown up.

TIA.

Op you are right to have concerns. All you can do is be there for your son and let him know that his home is his safe space.

I expect he's having the time of his life.

I agree it's incredibly odd. I'd keep an eye on it

I find this extremely odd because I’m 28 and I teach 18 year old’s, there’s nothing attractive about any of them! They’re probably the most unappealing thing ever tbh, they often waltz in late stinking of cannabis.

I’m not sure why a woman in her mid-late twenties would be remotely interested in a teenager. It’s just a totally different stage in your life. I don’t think an 8 year age gap matters when both are over 25 but it’s very noticeable before that.

I think it’s weird. I’m a couple of years younger than your DS’s gf and I think 18 year old “men” are still children. Women become emotionally mature faster than men. You change a LOT between 18 and your mid 20s. Different life experiences, maturing emotionally etc.

[quote PigletJohn]@HoldontoOneMoreDay

You can't see what she gets out if it?[/quote]
@PigletJohn no, I really can't. He doesn't have his own place. He's only got a p/t job so he's skint. His pals will be the same age as him and who wants to hang out with a bunch of teenage boys? Exam stress, first interviews - not exactly sexy problems to have. And if you're alluding to sex (I was trying not to go there as it is the OPs son after all) I8 year old lads aren't really known for their skills in that department either. I mean, OK, she might be liking the Mrs Robinson thing but that's ick to me. Maybe because I have a 16 yo.

I don't see any issue here.

My brother ALWAYS liked {and likes} much older women.
Think 12 yrs older.

Yes, it's a bit of a shocker when one's DS as a teenager falls hard for someone.
But you have him ''Married off and him tied down with babies ''
Hopefully that won't happen.

As a 26 year old, I would find it really weird to be dating an 18 year old. We are miles apart in terms of maturity & I would be expecting to settle down soon with marriage & a family or go travelling & have my career in place. I don’t think any of that is in an 18 year old’s mind.

I am 26 btw

[quote PigletJohn]@HoldontoOneMoreDay

You can't see what she gets out if it?[/quote]
No.

@MrsLCSofLichfield

I don't see any issue here.

Try thinking then.

@WineAcademy

That doesn't make sense. Of course an older man could want to tie down younger woman with babies. It happens all the time, all over the world.

I’d be surprised if a 26 year old man were perceived to (a) be an ‘older man’ by most definitions of the word, (b) on fire to have babies — after all, he’s got all the time in the world and (c) to have chosen to go out with an eighteen year old, rather than someone his own age or older, if he did want babies.

And I’d also be surprised if anyone were describing a 26 year old man going out with an 18 year old woman as anything like a ‘Mrs Robinson thing’ — it’s a bit odd in this situation used of an 8 year age gap, given that the whole point of The Graduate is that Dustin Hoffman’s character is the same age as (and dating) Mrs Robinson’s daughter.

What do you mean “one to monitor” ? You can’t control who your son dates. He’s an adult. There is nothing for you to monitor. Honestly that’s quite a creepy statement.

As for the tied down with babies statement, words fail me. Such a sexist statement.

For those saying genders were reversed the responses would be different, factually this is incorrect. There’s been many of these threads with the genders reversed and the reactions are the same.

I went out with a 22yo when I was 14. I have no idea why that was an attractive arrangement for him, nothing physical happened between us. In fact, looking back, what was that about?

My poor parents

It's a difficult one because looking at it objectively, it weirds me out.

BUT - its the same age gap as between me and a male friend of mine. I recruited him when he was 16 and I was 24, but I was not his boss. I started to get a bit crush on him when he was 18/19 but didn't act on it because I was married. We stopped working together and are still friends, and when going through my divorce last year he informed me that he had been equally as into me too. If I wasn't married, I'm sure something could have happened.

This is not a “Mrs Robinson” thing!

I don’t understand why you can’t just ask him how old she is.I know how old my DDs’ boyfriends are. Maybe she’s younger than she looks?

Anyway, it’s his mistake to make... if it is a mistake.

My husband is ten years older than me, but he was 27 when we met. At 18 if I am honest I would be a little concerned as I would be if my 18 year old daughter was dating a man of 27. However, this is part of his life experience, and as a parent sometimes all you can do is watch and support.

Do you feel that your son has some vulnerabilities that might make him at risk of emotional exploitation......or is he just a normal 18 year old lad?

If the latter then I guess you need to just be around for him if it all goes pear-shaped.

If you have reason to feel this young woman is damaging his well-being in some way, then there might be cause for concern.

@Actuallyabitgreynow

It's a difficult one because looking at it objectively, it weirds me out.

BUT - its the same age gap as between me and a male friend of mine. I recruited him when he was 16 and I was 24, but I was not his boss. I started to get a bit crush on him when he was 18/19 but didn't act on it because I was married. We stopped working together and are still friends, and when going through my divorce last year he informed me that he had been equally as into me too. If I wasn't married, I'm sure something could have happened.

I misread this as you ‘recruiting’ hm as your boyfriend and thought’Gosh, some people take a very organised approach to their love lives!’

Some 18 years olds are really mature, my son included. He had to grow up quick once his Dad died, l wouldn't worry about it. Let them enjoy the experience,

Yes, it did feel weird when my eldest started dating at 17, three years later still very much in love. This is why l smile now when l see the endless gender disappointment 're baby boys on here. They may feel disappointed with a boy now, fast forward 18 years and it kind of hurts to know your not the love of his life anmore.

Anymore

I’d be surprised if a 26 year old man were perceived to (a) be an ‘older man’ by most definitions of the word, (b) on fire to have babies — after all, he’s got all the time in the world and (c) to have chosen to go out with an eighteen year old, rather than someone his own age or older, if he did want babies.

Oh, this nitpicking is hilarious. I'm going to have a go at it, too.

(a) Last I checked, 26 years old is 8 years older than 18 years old. Perhaps you need a different dictionary.

(b) If we are talking about older men (see point (a) above) wanting to tie down a younger woman, getting her pregnant is a sure-fire way of doing so. Your determined naivety is rather astonishing.

(c) There are plenty of reasons why someone would be interested in a person so much younger than themselves. None of them are particularly flattering, and some of which are dubious indeed.

when I was 24 I had a boyfriend of 17, who was absolutely lovely. I did stay at their house a few times and his parents were lovely too.
I can see now that I was probably a bit scared of men my own age, due to previous experiences, so I was probably the emotionally immature one, and I just was looking for a simple, normal relationship with someone who wasnt looking to settle down, and wasnt a self centred/domineering sexist twat.
Although it only lasted a few months, we remained friends and later I stayed with him in London when he was at Uni and I was between houses. He was a lovely guy. There were not any power dynamic issues. Likely it wont last forever, and if she is lovely then thats all good. There doesnt always have to be anything preditory about it

8 year age gap here, hubby is younger and we got together when he was 21. We had similar interests and had known each other a while. We’ve been happily married for many years now.
The only person who had an issue with our age gap was…me I was mortified about what people would think. Thankfully I got over it!

It was only a few years since I was 26 , it would have made my skin crawl to date an 18 year old.

It was also the age it hit me that I really wanted a baby, up till that point I had no interest in having them.