If you see a Young Woman in distress - Please Help Her

[BigWoollyJumpers]

Didn't know which board to pop this on, but really just wanted to share my DD's experience.

She had been out to dinner in the city after work, and was on her way home to South London on the bus. She felt unwell, so got off the bus one stop early. At the bus stop, and in front of a Tesco and a pub, lots of people around, she passed out. She couldn't breathe, her lips and tongue had swollen. She came to and managed to stagger home, a place she has only been in for two weeks, she said she really didn't know where she was. She made it. She took some anti-histamines, felt a bit better, but on calling 111 her flatmate took her to A&E. She had had an allergic reaction, thank goodness not worse. But.......

I am so, so, sad, that on a Thursday night, about 9pm, a young woman, well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work, and obviously in distress, was not assisted by anyone. With everything that has been going on with women's safety, even if they thought she was drunk, surely someone could've just checked on her?

Your poor DD, hope she's feeling better now.

Unfortunately a lot of people hold back hoping someone else will step in, I know there's been a couple of occasions where I've helped obviously distressed people and there've been loads of other people around just gawping instead of doing anything useful. The worst was a toddler with a broken arm, the father was distraught and unable to do anything but hold the child, so me and DH stepped in and called an ambulance, helped him to call a relative to come collect his other child and waited with him until help arrived. While surrounded by families still tucking in to their picnics.

That's awful OP and I hope DD's improving now. Years ago I was on a busy road waiting for a bus when I felt the 'aura' which precedes a migraine come on. I knew that if I didn't sit down I'd fall down. I managed to stagger to a seat and one young woman came to help and sat with me until the bus came. Another older woman had looked at me like I was dirt which made me feel worse than ever. People look at you as though you're an 'undesirable' who they think doesn't deserve help.

My sister collapsed on the bus on her way home from school. She was about 13. People stepped over her, accused her of being drunk. Luckily her friend was with her and managed to get her off the bus and home when the bus got to her stop. She was very poorly and spent several days in hospital. So many people are just ignorant.
I am so sorry that happened to your DD.

Years ago, a woman collapsed at the bus stop I was walking past on my way to work. I called an ambulance and waited with her. The paramedics thought she'd had an epileptic fit.

When I arrived at work (late) one of my colleagues said 'oh gosh I was going past on the bus and I saw you and thought she was probably drunk! I wouldn't have got involved'

I'd never really liked her but that solidified it. Unfortunately, the world is full of Julias

I hope your DD is alright. Please do find out what the allergen was - while that was a horrible experience, it could have been a lot worse. She needs to carry an epi-pen.

Why a woman?
Anyone who is unwell/distressed should be helped by others regardless of their sex/age

i agree anyone might need help, and should be given it.
but a woman, maybe esp a young woman, could be more vulnerable because may be seen as prey by criminal types.
the others may be ignored; she may be targeted for harm.

I have stopped and questioned a woman who was very drunk and sitting at the edge of the road with a guy who had his arm around her....just to make sure she knew him and was okay.
My friends saved a girl one night who was almost passed out drunk outside a nightclub. Two men were picking her up and carrying her away - she didn’t even know them. My friends paid for a taxi home for her and she rang them next day to thank them.
I’ve helped a lot of woman now that I remember, but am more wary of stopping for a man. There was one lying on the ground near my house one night, so I rang the local Gardaí to check on him. But my friend stopped one night for the same thing and he tried to her into her house. I would call for help but not approach on my own.
Your dd would be someone I would help...I hope she’s okay now.

I've helped ppl in public that I don't know.
However in my building there is a selfish , nasty and aggressive man who drinks far to much. If he does that in his own flat that's his issue. But he disturbs everyone else.

Now he's taking to lie and just sleep in the hallway. I tried to help him once and he was verbally aggressive.

Every time he does it now we inform the police and council.

It would not stop me helping others. But some ppl maybe put off if they have a negative experience.

I’ve helped a lot of woman now that I remember, but am more wary of stopping for a man. There was one lying on the ground near my house one night, so I rang the local Gardaí to check on him. But my friend stopped one night for the same thing and he tried to her into her house. I would call for help but not approach on my own.

I second this. Our safety comes first.

I've been in this situation before, it's sad how people are okay to ignore it, I hope your DD is okay now. I'm epileptic and was on the bus when I could feel an aura coming - suddenly I was seeing double and could hear a ringing in my ears. I could hear myself almost shouting "I need to sit down, I'm going to have a seizure" but no one did anything. Luckily the bus stop was directly in front of my house so I managed to stagger to my front door and my mum took it from there.

I can't believe no one helped her, how awful. That wouldn't happen here. Do you think it's because it was London and people are less likely to help there. I live in the North.

I think people are less likely to help if they think you might be drunk.
I was pregnant with bad morning sickness. People rarely stopped and asked if I was okay if I was being sick.
When I went faint though, I had many people stopping and offering to help.
But then I always say I obviously look in need of help because as a general rule I'm offered help before I need to ask-being sick is an obvious exception.

I suspect people are also more reluctant at present when we've all spent the last year being told to keep away from each other.

Poor woman, I hope she’s ok now. I would always try and help someone in distress. A few years ago, I saw a woman at a tube station looking really unwell so I approached and asked if she was alright. She had had a panic attack on the train and got off but was still feeling ropey so I gave her some water and sat with her for a bit. She said she’d been there for 20 minutes and no one, not even station staff had asked her if she was ok. 😞

@Lira91 I haven't had a seizure for years but suddenly felt like I was going to. I was outside a bookshop and the owner looked after my bag, sat me down, rang a friend and then pottered about until I felt better. He was so lovely and calm rather than fussing over me and just "tell me what you need"

@QueenPaw that's so sweet, exactly what you need - no fussing, just something to get you through it :) I'm glad you had the right support there.

Yes I find it sad people don't help, I couldn't do it. I can recall a few times I have called emergency services to attend to people. I nearly got my head kicked in once for trying to intervene in a fight between a man and a woman, so I would deal with that from a distance now.

Ah OP that’s so sad. I hope she is feeling better. I think it’s quite common now to ignore and walk past.

My elderly grandmother had a black out and managed to slide down a wall out side a busy shop. She was sat on the floor with her head down. No one stopped to see if she was ok apart from a young girl on a bike she stayed with her till she felt she could get up. The young girl was about 10 and my grandmother is 89.

I’m so sorry to hear this Op, and half your daughter is Ok.

I am surprised. I have heard people say this before but I live in London and I have never seen anyone in this situation not helped, and you do get a fair few incidences on the tube etc, maybe it depends where you are. Anyway I am sorry and glad she is ok.

Years ago we lived in an area where everyone knew everyone else
Well,one day my son went to the park and somehow came off his bike and landed on his arm
Long story cut short,he managed to get himself and his bike home,only for us to find he’d broken his arm
I couldn’t believe that not one person stopped to ask if he was ok-a young lad in tears,holding his arm that was at an old angle-or helped him when staggered up to people he knew and asked for help
They cheerfully told him to ‘get home and mum will bandage you back up-you’ll be grand’
I would have helped any of their kids if I’d seen they had hurt themselves but they couldn’t even help push his bike to the end of our street which thankfully for him was about 5 minutes away
We lived up north at the time so not just a London thing

My friend discovered a man lying unconscious in our small town recently, people walking past him. She thought he was dead. He had no colour in him at all. She called for an ambulance and while she was on the phone a woman said “I wouldn’t bother love”. We were totally disgusted.

Man or woman- well groomed or not- someone passed out on the street needs assistance.

That’s awful OP, I’m glad she’s okay now.

I’d like to think I’d help a stranger. I’ve never been in that position, though, and I have pretty severe social anxiety so I can’t say for certain. I recently saw a video of a girl who pretended to know another girl to get her away from a creep who had approached her at a train station and it really made me happy that women are looking out for each other. Obviously everyone should look out for everyone but female solidarity is nice.

@Mylittleponysuperfan that is so sad! I am forever asking kids who come off bikes or scooters if they are ok. They are usually mortified but fine, but I always check! There was a boy at our local skate park who clearly had broken his arm and everyone was calling ambulances and bustling around. I feel quite good about where I live now.

One morning, when I was very newly pregnant, I was waiting for the bus to go to work. I suddenly felt horrible and everything went black around me. I crumpled onto the pavement and managed to say to the woman next to me that I was pregnant and felt ill. She said "oh me too!" and merrily stepped over me to get on her bus!