If you see a Young Woman in distress - Please Help Her

[BigWoollyJumpers]

Didn't know which board to pop this on, but really just wanted to share my DD's experience.

She had been out to dinner in the city after work, and was on her way home to South London on the bus. She felt unwell, so got off the bus one stop early. At the bus stop, and in front of a Tesco and a pub, lots of people around, she passed out. She couldn't breathe, her lips and tongue had swollen. She came to and managed to stagger home, a place she has only been in for two weeks, she said she really didn't know where she was. She made it. She took some anti-histamines, felt a bit better, but on calling 111 her flatmate took her to A&E. She had had an allergic reaction, thank goodness not worse. But.......

I am so, so, sad, that on a Thursday night, about 9pm, a young woman, well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work, and obviously in distress, was not assisted by anyone. With everything that has been going on with women's safety, even if they thought she was drunk, surely someone could've just checked on her?

Do people who don’t live in London realise there are people from all over the world coming into a london every day, including people from Barnsley and Wales ?

Nope, remember all the covid Londoners heading North over Christmas threads.
Baffling that no one could made the link that these Londoners were in fact heading home to see family as opposed to waking up & deciding to become a wildling!

Your poor daughter OP, if it's any consolation as a Londoner I would do something, have had people help me & know others who have been helped/helped.

It’s the state of our society these days and it’s not just young women who are ignored, it’s everyone.
I was driving along a local, very busy road the other day. An elderly man had fallen off his motor scooter and was laying on the pavement. Not one car stopped. I left me feeling very heavy hearted that some corners of society have become so uncaring and self absorbed.

I was in Shepherd's Bush once all glammed up for a night out. I saw a guy slumped in a bus shelter, unconscious but breathing. He'd clearly wet himself. He was very shabbily dressed. I gave him a prod and shouted to ask if he could hear me. No response. I rang the ambulance service who asked me to try and get him up. I refused. I really didn't want to be covered in a randomers piss and he was breathing so no reason to move him and compromise that. I said I'd wait with him until the ambulance arrived. Not a single other person on that busy Friday night even glanced in his direction. I left him with the paramedic and went on my way. I've also stopped in another city when a man was face down and not breathing. About 5 other people were stood round and not doing anything useful. I flipped the guy over ready to do cpr and he took a massive intake of breath and I've never been so relieved! I stayed with him until the ambulance arrived. He'd had a sad life and was alcohol dependent. He could have died as those that did stop just stared at him. I've helped drunk women into taxis and intervened when I saw a DV incident on the street. I've phoned the police when I saw a woman leap out of a car and the male driver pull over and chase her. I've called the police when I saw a woman walking up the motorway. I seem to just find drama! But I also don't turn a blind eye. I understand people being concerned for their personal safety but for so many people to walk on by is shocking. If I felt a situation was unsafe for me I'd ring the emergency services and likely co opt a couple of other bystanders in to assist/observe in the interim.

@Christmasfairy2020

Thats london for you. If she did this in South yorkshire. Especially barnsley she would have had lots of people help her and an ambulance I guarantee it

Not so sure about that. My friend collapsed outside an infamous Barnsley town centre pub that is no longer there anymore. The pub was closed and it was broad daylight- around 9am. She was having a stroke. Luckily for her she was able to call her own ambulance before she lost the use of her arms. It was a well known pub so I can understand why people may have thought she was drunk but she said not one person even checked.

I have stopped twice. Both times outside the same train station. First woman sat looking unwell on a wall. She said she had a crippling migraine and her husband had gone to fetch the car. She said I was the only one who had asked. Second was a heavily pregnant woman stood sobbing. She wasnt approaching anyone and looked lost. She said she was in a dv situation and was trying to get to her mums. I gave her a tenner. People said she was probably a scammer but she wasnt asking people for help and I have never seen her since. If she scammed me then I hope she enjoyed the tenner but I think if she was genuine, and I felt she was, maybe I helped her on what must have been a very dark day

The London bashing comments are embarrassing and just make the posters look small-minded and ignorant.

OP I'm sorry your daughter wasn't helped and I hope shes feeling better now.

I once fainted in the street, I’d had a sickness bug, and I was trying to walk to the chemist for some rehydration stuff.
I opened my eyes to see a woman who lived in my block of flats stepping around me looking horrified. She didn’t ask me if I was ok, I think she must have assumed drugs ? I was only 20, it was early in the morning. Really shocked me.
My friend fainted trying to get on the tube, on her way to work, six months pregnant with a big bump, and people were jumping over her to get into a carriage !!!

@AZisgreat

I would hope that if when she came around, she had thought to go into Tescos, they would have helped her at Customer Services.

That was the first thing I said to her, well firstly stay on the bus, the bus driver should help, then go into a shop or pub. Unfortunately, she was so disorientated, she just wanted to get home, and that was the only thing that kept her moving......

@WorraLiberty

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter OP and I hope she makes a full recovery.

But I also find it sad that you've said...

I am so, so, sad, that on a Thursday night, about 9pm, a young woman, well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work, and obviously in distress, was not assisted by anyone.

It smacks of 'If she wasn't well groomed and well dressed, she's not as deserving of help'.

I really hope that's not what you mean so please can you clarify?

Absolutely not. However, as many has said, people should be more likely or perhaps willing to help someone like a 5ft nothing, 8 stone, young woman, because she is likely to be more vulnerable. People would naturally be more wary of, say, a 15 stone male, not well kept.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Fully agree. However I fail to see the relevance in her being well groomed. Would it have acceptable had it been someone homeless who had washed or changed their clothes in months

No. But again, in all reality, you would accept that it is more likely that someone like her, leaving aside the well dressed, who is only 5ft and 8 stone, and a pretty girl, would have been MORE likely to have been helped. So, yes, exactly, what chance anyone else?

Thanks all. Yes she is fine now. She picked up an epi-pen from the hospital next day, and has been referred for a full allergy panel. She won't be eating Baklava again! Shame, but we think that might be the most likely culprit.

About the North/South divide. I don't know..... I only really mentioned South London as she is stones throw away from Clapham and the recent events and focus on women's safety might have made a difference.

I arrived at the local rail station ( Devon) to catch my train into work at 8am and noticed a teenage girl collapsed on the platform and went to help her. She was in a diabetic coma- the train staff left her as they 'thought she was drunk'.

It actually really shook DH. He is very protective of the DD's, and also is one of those people who will always step in to protect others. He is getting a bit of a reputation for it! He has twice intervened at the local station when men were harassing and abusing women, always stops for broken down cars, or phones police if people are driving erratically. Once for someone, who then had a heart attack, and he had to open the door of the still moving car and turn it off and pull the hand brake.

One day he will probably regret it, well the once at the station he was punched, but that's just he person he is, he will always help if he can.

@Cuckoochime

I arrived at the local rail station ( Devon) to catch my train into work at 8am and noticed a teenage girl collapsed on the platform and went to help her. She was in a diabetic coma- the train staff left her as they 'thought she was drunk'.

Ugh, that's awful. You see, this is the major problem I think. The younger generation have a reputation for all being drunken louts. They just aren't, and you should always check.

Absolutely not. However, as many has said, people should be more likely or perhaps willing to help someone like a 5ft nothing, 8 stone, young woman, because she is likely to be more vulnerable. People would naturally be more wary of, say, a 15 stone male, not well kept.

But you didn't stop at woman. You said well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work,

There are some very vulnerable women (and men) who won't be well groomed and well dressed and they don't have jobs to go to.

That's why it sounded like you were saying if she was unkempt and not particularly well dressed/clean, you could 'almost understand' it IYSWIM?

@WorraLiberty, a lot of people are more reluctant to get involved if the person looks like a street drinker. A well dressed, well groomed person is much less likely to have passed out in an alcoholic stupor than someone who looks like a street drinker.

DH and I picked up a young woman dressed for a night out late one night ( ie skimpy dress, no coat and high heels) when we were on the way home from an evening with friends.

It was a country lane, pouring with rain in late November and she was hysterical and in floods of tears. She'd had an argument with her boyfriend and he'd thrown her out of the car miles from anywhere.

We took her home.

@Clymene

*@WorraLiberty*, a lot of people are more reluctant to get involved if the person looks like a street drinker. A well dressed, well groomed person is much less likely to have passed out in an alcoholic stupor than someone who looks like a street drinker.

And that's exactly my point.

Some people (and it seems the OP agrees) think that one passed out vulnerable person is worth helping more than another passed out vulnerable person.

In this case, even that she's 'pretty, 5ft and 8 stone'.

Fortunately I don't know anyone who would stand there considering someone's weight, looks, clothing and possible job prospects before simply phoning an ambulance.

Your poor daughter, I find it shocking that nobody helped. I always try to help, have held the hand of a woman fitting and used my coat under her head to protect it while other just stared at her, helped a woman who was being harassed by a man in a car and got her to walk along with me and my dc until she was somewhere safe etc.
I understand why people are nervous of helping but it’s shocking that in a busy place nobody did.

I tried to help a young woman who was being pulled about aggressively by her boyfriend. I stopped my car and said she could get in. They both turned on me and told me to Fuck off! I'd do the same again though.

I would have helped her but I’m female.
If I was a man I probably wouldn’t invade she was drunk. It’s a disgusting world really when we have to stop and think there could be repercussions on helping our fellow man.

I was going into the cinema once and there was a bunch of young teens outside, one of whom had passed out drunk. I was so worried I called an ambulance and was basically asked for all my personal information etc and to do an assessment of the girl. It was utterly ridiculous, I must have been on the phone to them for 10 minutes. Fortunately a parent turned up so I hung up on them.

Need to tell your dd to ask for help , maybe in a shop . Randoms on the street might not want to get involved. It works both ways

To be fair I think a lot of people are nervous of getting involved.

I have often helped people who are ill or in other distress. I have (sadly) had a lot of experience in calling ambulances and several times I've called one when others are standing around looking unsure.

I was recently diagnosed with ASD and I'm sure my autism is the reason I find it easy to intervene, because I don't worry much about stepping forward. I feel that my confidence is just chance. I'm glad I have this ability and I appreciate that others find it very difficult.

Very unusual. In almost 50 years I don't think I've seen anyone on the street in obvious difficulty being ignored. I actually saw a woman who had collapsed on the street a few days ago, she was surrounded by people helping and an ambulance had been called. I think your DD has just been very unlucky or perhaps due to people's fears re covid but that wouldn't stop someone from at least calling an ambulance.

Some people (and it seems the OP agrees) think that one passed out vulnerable person is worth helping more than another passed out vulnerable person

Well, if you mean that I saying that a slight young woman is more vulnerable, then yes, I am. That doesn't mean I wouldn't help anyone, personally I would, and have. But as others have pointed out, people generally should/would be more comfortable in helping someone like her out, and didn't. We will have to agree to disagree, although I actually think we are agreeing in principle.