If you see a Young Woman in distress - Please Help Her

[BigWoollyJumpers]

Didn't know which board to pop this on, but really just wanted to share my DD's experience.

She had been out to dinner in the city after work, and was on her way home to South London on the bus. She felt unwell, so got off the bus one stop early. At the bus stop, and in front of a Tesco and a pub, lots of people around, she passed out. She couldn't breathe, her lips and tongue had swollen. She came to and managed to stagger home, a place she has only been in for two weeks, she said she really didn't know where she was. She made it. She took some anti-histamines, felt a bit better, but on calling 111 her flatmate took her to A&E. She had had an allergic reaction, thank goodness not worse. But.......

I am so, so, sad, that on a Thursday night, about 9pm, a young woman, well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work, and obviously in distress, was not assisted by anyone. With everything that has been going on with women's safety, even if they thought she was drunk, surely someone could've just checked on her?

Are people worried about scams or catching Covid?

That’s awful, I hope your DD is ok.

It reminds me of a very similar experience I had when I was a teenager. I was unwell on a bus, got off and was lying on a bench, crying, in a vest top in the freezing, pouring rain. Thankfully I wasn’t as unwell as your DD and was able to call my mum who came to get me but I was there for a good 20 minutes outside a busy station with people passing by constantly - only one woman stopped to check on me. I assured her I would be ok and my mum was coming but I remember thinking how terrifying it would have been if I’d really needed help. Must have been at least 50+ people that passed.

Sadly it still seems very common - a man came off his motorbike in front of me and around 20 other people a few weeks ago. He was lying on the edge of the road and only me and one other went to check he was ok - plenty of people were closer. It shook me up a bit - you do expect people to help when someone is obviously in distress.

A guy across the road is epileptic, many times I've looked out the window and seen him on the road/pavement/grass. Our street is usually fairly busy with dog walkers yet no one has ever been with him when I've gone to help him.

@sergeiL
I was fuming-what made it worse is the same neighbours kept stopping him in the street to ask how he’d broken his arm!
When he told them he got
‘Oh,if I’d known I would have helped!’
If I saw a snotty crying child I wouldn’t think twice about helping but this lot didn’t use the brains they where born with

I am a bit scared of people in trouble but have on several occasions called the emergency services. My husband has no fear, anyone in trouble he's in there doing first aid, organising other onlookers, breaking up fights, I admire him for it and am scared for him but he'll never change, one of life's good samaritans.

Thats london for you. If she did this in South yorkshire. Especially barnsley she would have had lots of people help her and an ambulance I guarantee it

I'd help anyone who passed out- regardless of sex or how they were dressed

The only time I didn't want to help someone but did was a drug addict laid on floor clearly spaced out. I only helped them as I had my nurses uniform on and was at work (community nurse) and 2 men knocked on car window. I rang 999 and they came and took him but I was rather scared for my safety tbh.

I was at a local lake at around midday on a hot day and there was a man sitting on the bench swaying with his eyes shut. He had spit coming out of his month onto his lap. I went to help him and he didn't really reponse so I actually called an ambulance but people were saying oh leave him, he's drunk.

1. Even if he was drunk that's no reason to leave someone who can't hold themselves up. He was elderly.
2. It turned out he wasn't drunk but was having an issue with blood sugar.

I was just sad people were saying to leave him.

Noah Donohoe, a 14 year old from Belfast was witnessed falling from his bike and getting back on, later witnessed riding his bike naked before going missing and being found dead a week later in a storm drain. If only someone had stopped to help that poor poor child maybe things could have been so different.

@Chocolatepeanuts

Noah Donohoe, a 14 year old from Belfast was witnessed falling from his bike and getting back on, later witnessed riding his bike naked before going missing and being found dead a week later in a storm drain. If only someone had stopped to help that poor poor child maybe things could have been so different.

Absolutely this! His poor family still don’t know what happened to him.

Help is great, but just a reminder that sometimes it's best to be supportive, but phone the professionals for help.

My mum slipped down an embankment many years ago and couldn't get up. A very kind lady got her into her car and drove her home to my dad who took some persuading by my mum that an ambulance was required.

My mum ended up in hospital for weeks in traction and with metal pins in her leg. She would have struggled up a steep slope and got in and out of a car with a very badly broken leg. Still makes me cringe to think of it.

Having said all that I agree with you op that it's a terrible reflection on society that people can ignore others in distress. I've had a handful of occasions when I've helped vulnerable people while going about my normal business and I'm no saint. It takes minutes out of your life and may make a small difference in that moment.

The one time I didn't help was when it was a man and I've no idea why not. It was perfectly safe, but I felt weirdly uncomfortable about approaching him when I came across him crying at work. I was working in a hospital at the time. Not happy with myself over that.

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter OP and I hope she makes a full recovery.

But I also find it sad that you've said...

I am so, so, sad, that on a Thursday night, about 9pm, a young woman, well groomed, well dressed, obviously straight from work, and obviously in distress, was not assisted by anyone.

It smacks of 'If she wasn't well groomed and well dressed, she's not as deserving of help'.

I really hope that's not what you mean so please can you clarify?

I've been helped many times and have helped vulnerable women many times - I think we need to look out for each other so I'm so sorry that no one helped your DD.

@Christmasfairy2020

Thats london for you. If she did this in South yorkshire. Especially barnsley she would have had lots of people help her and an ambulance I guarantee it

And this is bollocks too.

Plenty of people in London would have helped. The fact they didn't makes this a sad but quite unusual story.

'I guarantee' it.

@SylHellais 20 odd years ago I had a panic attack in Heathrow and couldn't face the tube. A lady spotted me and took me for a cup of tea and it meant the world to me (still couldn't get on the tube though!) So thank you for helping someone in a similar situation.

I stop for everyone, always have.

However I know a couple of men who would be wary of stopping for a women or child/teen for fear of being accused of harassment, the lines have been blurred for some with the 'me too' movement.

I watched a young boy maybe 15 coming off a bus and a gang of about 10 boys beat him up he ran into a main road and was passed out in the middle of a main road in rush hour traffic the gang of boys ran away but cars where swerving to not hit him there was so many people standing at the bus stop and no one did a thing I was with my sister far across and down the road and ran to stop traffic when we went over everyone else amazingly started to notice and help called an ambulance I believe it’s not unusual I’ve seen it more then once and yes in London!

Sorry that happened to your DD - I hope she is feeling better.
I was once taking the train out of London late at night, very drunk, with my then-boyfriend and some strangers checked I knew him which really surprised me at the time.
Recently my DP had a bike accident on his way back from work and quite a few people stopped, and a lady gave him water from her bottle, mopped him up a bit and made him call me as he was in shock which I really appreciated. If that lady happens to be reading this, thank you!

Well that's bloody London for you. Hope your DD is okay.

@BigWoollyJumpers how is she? I hope she’s not too upset.

I absolutely would have helped, and I have helped people in the past. I’m a nurse practitioner though so I can’t help but stop if I see something amid. I would have absolutely helped her and called an ambulance of her lips were blue and she was struggling to breathe.

A friend of mine was beaten up in daylight outside Camden tube station on a Saturday afternoon (horrendously busy time) by her boyfriend when we were teenagers. People just walked on by. Staff called police but didn’t step in. I can’t understand it.

• too many typos

I fainted at a bus stop at Waterloo station about ten years ago, so I was in my late 40s. It was about 7 in the evening, summer time. Two young women stayed with me, a bus driver called an ambulance and the paramedics got me a taxi home.
You definitely can’t generalise about London.

That is terrible. I've been in similar situations myself (have a tendency to faint). Hope she's okay now.

I did a brief course in psychology and we were taught about the bystander effect where individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim when there are other people present.

Essentially everyone uses everyone else to judge if there is an emergency or not and if noone else acts then they don't. The only way to overcome it is to know about it so that next time you use your own judgement (obviously there are those that would do this anyway).

I would suggest telling this story to everyone who will listen. It will stick with them and make them more likely to act in future.

My story was a 4 year old child. I was in Dubai, sitting in a doctors waiting room in a typical Dubai tower block. This little boy wonders in and asks if anyone has seen his mum. Everyone (including receptionists) say no and then let him walk out. I was gobsmacked. The corridor led to concrete stairs or an elevator that would cover 20+ floors. I jumped up and asked me to take him to where he last saw his mum. He led me down 3 flights of concrete stairs, across a public pedestrian area (full of people) to the outside area of another building where his mum and nanny were having coffee and neither had noticed he'd left the fountain area he'd been playing in. He must have been gone at least 10 minutes. I did a lot of tongue biting as I walked away!!

This worries me so much. One of my children is type 1 diabetic - one of the symptoms of DKA is slurring speech and difficulty walking. You just look drunk. Please always help someone who looks very drunk, even if just from a distance as it could be lifesaving,