he is angry i haven't waxed down there?

[wdjav]

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

After 2 dud marriages and 7 years with a twat, I was 36 and suddenly single.(Which, by the way was both fun and liberating!) Only a few months on, and I met my late, and much beloved husband who was everything I ever dreamed of. We had 30 glorious years together before he died of Covid last year. If you don't leave this arsehole NOW you may never find that! And remember, nowadays women are having kids right into their mid forties. Get out, and begin to be happy again.

That's horrendous! So so sorry op. Life is hard enough without that shit! And life's short. Time to start enjoying yours without this dickhead trying to tear you down!

Go and live your best life op, leave the sap sad and lonely cos in his mind you cant live without his insults, and in reality he cant live alone

Definitely not worth staying, he sounds horrible! Being single is not terrible, I hate this whole idea being single in your thirties is literally the worst thing that can ever happen to a woman. I’m single and I have an amazing life, in fact most of the posts I see on here make me so happy to be single!

Hi @wdjav , I just wanted to say I wanted children somewhat, but it didn't happen (I had 2 miscarriages and I think some difficulty conceiving.) Obviously it was sad at the time of the miscarriages, but I have the most fun, relaxing life, hardly any stress and I can do whatever I want, so to be honest I'm glad at how it turned out. I have a lot more surplus income I imagine so can spend what money I have on things I fancy.

I'm 44 now and dumped a bellend last year I'd been involved with for a couple of years- best choice I ever made. Sooo relaxing to be free of all the sex pestery and manipulation of many kinds.

Obviously if you want kids I hope you have them, I just wanted to say that if you don't you can still have a really enjoyable life, which in fact has a lot of upsides in terms of the financial and every other sort of freedom.

Either way you definitely don't want to be forced to have something to do with this guy for life, like you would be if he was your baby's dad. Go on contraception ASAP until you can leave.

Tell him to have a back sack and crack and see how he likes it

L T B

Your story made me sad , he’s vile , I can’t believe someone treats a woman like that , if I was you I wouldn’t be worried about being alone I would absolutely look forward to the freedom , because he would need to sleep with one eye open if he was my partner ! Leave him , you are better than that , you will feel a huge sense of joy . Especially if no other ties . One life lovely , make the most of it ❤️

No other ties to him so could leave easily.

So do it. Think of the pain of making the decision and taking action as the cost of your new and happy life.

Sunken costs is no reason to put up with this horrible abuse. Nor is the thought of 'starting over'.

Abuse doesn't always mean broken bones, black eyes, physical manifestations. The aim of abuse, whether that's verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, or psychological, is to make you feel you have no options. Do you feel you have options?

Talk to Women's Aid. 0808 2000 247

Read
'Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men' by Lundy Bancroft.
Also
'When Love Hurts' by Jill Cory.

You'll be even sadder when you turn 38 if you're still with this loser.

OP, if you want children there are many other options (co-parenting, sperm bank, meet someone else, foster, adopt, etc). Any of these is much better than staying with someone who makes you miserable.

I chose one of those options myself, ans I'm happily single with two kids. I'm younger than you - I say that to show this is not necessarily a last ditch option for desperate people. For some of us it's a first choice.

When I'm peacefully in bed in my home, free to parent how I want and to run my home however I see fit, I'm so glad to be single. Especially when I see separated friends who have to accomodate spitefull exes.

You can do this. You have options. Don't stay with that jerk. Leaving now may be hard but how much harder will it be when you're 40 ?

OP - my best mate was in your position. (Only we didn't know the half of it until she left him - but omg what a controlling arsehole... everything from what she wore to what she was allowed to eat..

Finally left aged 38.
Within a year had met a lovely man. Who like her wanted a family. She is now 55. Lovely man has been her husband for 16 years. They have 3 kids. Now 15, 13 & 12.

I'm really sorry. Your post moved me. He sounds like my ex, I was you at 32. I knew I had to get out, I didn't know why. It was from 28-32 and the reality of what it was only hit me reading MN when I was 38. Between 32-38 I thought it was me, that something must be wrong with me. I can say it gets better, I am so strong now. I know no one could ever do that to me again. I am me again, I am back. You know already so you are there already. Get rid of him, make sure to block him. Practise self care. Its most definitely not too late for a family.

Hundreds of woman are telling you to leave him. Please book that locksmith as soon as you can.

The feeling sick will pass when you leave but not if you stay..

I am really sorry to read your post OP, but try not to despair about having to "start again" at your age. I did, aged 39, as did my friend aged 38. We are both now with fabulous men (yes, there are some hidden away) - she has 2 lovely sons now too. By now you may well have moved out. I wish you all the best xx

''Living alone'' is not the de fault situation in society but is increasingly common . In Uk apparently 1 in every 3.5 households is a single person so it seems people can survive this situation.

Please know your worth and get shot of this terrible person from your life. You will meet someone else but, frankly, even if you didn't being alone is better than being in this situation.

@wdjav

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

Please leave. I know you're worried about age and wanting children but you cannot have children with a man like this. Your children would be so damaged and possibly abused, it would be cruel to do this

He’s abusive. My ex was like this too, he used to make quite subtle remarks about my appearance and the way I dressed and loved to compare me to his ex’s. He was abusive in other ways including physically but I found the remarks the most damaging. It’s abuse and he’s bullying you. Leave.

As the OP has already moved some things into her own home, her radio silence may mean she is busy moving lock stock. Fingers crossed!

If and when he starts the love-bombing and future-faking to get you back under control, you could tell him yes, you want to marry and you're longing to have a baby or two before it's too late, but that is actually why you've left him. Because you realised you definitely don't want to be married to him and you don't want to parent his babies with him. You're moving in to find the right person to have a happy life with because he is definitely not that person!

If he says he loves you, remember to translate that into abuserese: in his language it means "I love controlling you."

You could ask him how you would know he loves you from his actions, rather than just words, which are cheap.

@MydogWillow

As the OP has already moved some things into her own home, her radio silence may mean she is busy moving lock stock. Fingers crossed!

Oh, I do so hope so. 💔 💐

If he says he loves you, remember to translate that into abuserese: in his language it means "I love controlling you."

Yes... the fake love-bombing and fake deep regret of expressing his love so wrongly... BLANK and go no contact.