he is angry i haven't waxed down there?

[wdjav]

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

I'm 62 but remember well being in my late 30s and leaving a man who I thought was my last chance, who had worn me down to nothing in a sort of "death by a thousand cuts" type of way. I had desperately wanted children. I went on to have them but not the standard way - I went into it on my own and have never regretted it. I also met a really wonderful man once my happiness at being a mother had turned me back into the person I was meant to be - all healed and loving. We have a great marriage.

I just wanted to give you an example that sometimes great happiness comes in a different package than the one you were hoping for?

OP I hope your absence on here now means that you’re packing up the rest of your things and getting ready to move back to your place. As PP have said, you owe this person absolutely nothing, not a second more of your heart or time. You’re only young and so many people have said that the life you crave is still easily doable and waiting for you, as soon as you remove yourself from this man’s toxic grip.

You are worthy of so much more than the big fat nothing he’s giving you. He’s not a man - no self respecting man would treat you so badly. I hope to hear happy things from you OP. 💐Leave ASAP and start living! 👊🏻💪🏻

Absolutely leave him Op ! He is a vile person and demonstrably does not love you. Being single forever would be much nicer than this !!
Anyway I got married at 39, and had both my children in my forties. You really can do much, much better than this abusive man.

@Applesonthelawn

I'm 62 but remember well being in my late 30s and leaving a man who I thought was my last chance, who had worn me down to nothing in a sort of "death by a thousand cuts" type of way. I had desperately wanted children. I went on to have them but not the standard way - I went into it on my own and have never regretted it. I also met a really wonderful man once my happiness at being a mother had turned me back into the person I was meant to be - all healed and loving. We have a great marriage. I just wanted to give you an example that sometimes great happiness comes in a different package than the one you were hoping for?

I love this so much.

The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start to heal and have more of the life you want and deserve. Sorry you are having to go through this.

I didn’t want to read and run OP. Please leave him. He sounds dreadful and abusive. Even if you don’t end up having children you will be better off than staying with him and having a baby.

I truly wish you all the luck in the world. You sound really lovely and will flourish in your own skin when you leave.

Was so happy to read you have your own place to escape to, I really hope you do get out as I think he sounds dreadful.

Good luck

So sorry OP. I know where you're coming from, hesitating b/o the fear of childlessness.

I had a friend who left a long-term relationship at age 36, for less compelling reasons than yours - he wasn't abusive; they were just bored with each other. At 38 she had a baby with a man she is still happily living with 11 years later.

Of course that kind of outcome isn't guaranteed. But frankly better no children than children with an utter twat. In my experience, pre-existing problems in a relationship are magnified by children, not resolved.

I suspect that leaving will be the hardest part. You're already bitter about other people's reproductive success while still being with him; it can't really get worse on that front. At least you'll no longer be undermined if you're on your own. What he is doing is vile.

You won’t be starting over, he was never the one OP!

You can’t have children with this prick. It would ruin your life and theirs

Don’t waste anymore time with this abusive idiot. It is scary to start again but just imagine being with a man who loves you for you and treats you with respect. Someone that you can build a life and family with. This man is not that, not even close.

Your whole outlook on life will change when you escape this current guy, he sounds horrific, this relationship will be having an impact on your mental health, mood and positivity and is probably partly why you’re so worried about starting again. Once you escape you’ll see the world is your oyster. Don’t waste another second

I'm 40 and single and love it!

The abuse has left you feeling anxious and worthless but it doesn’t have to be like this. You need to find the courage inside you to leave and you will be OK.

I found myself single at 36 and met my now DH two years later via work. I’d even moved 200 miles away to where I knew no-one and rented a room in a shared house as I was desperate to start afresh and I wasn’t planning on dating at all.

It was pretty scary initially, but I kept going because I knew deep down that it would get better eventually. I had a baby at 44 even though I wasn’t actually TTC. That was a lovely surprise for so many reasons!

I’m now living in a beautiful house near the sea that I would never have been able to afford if I’d stayed with the ex. My life couldn’t be more different than it was back then.

Op, please please do not have children with this man. Don’t settle because you want children. There’s still time to meet a decent man.

Goodness OP, please run away and never look back!

From just reading your initial post he sounds absolutely vile.

You're only 36- I appreciate starting all over again and being single at this age is frightening esp if you were planning kids any time soon.

But I think staying with this man and having children with him would the worst thing to do.

You are worth more than this & deserve to be treated way better!

Good luck with the move, you are making the right decision.

Well done for recognising his abuse and well done for keeping your own space and starting to move out.
Now tell someone (family/friend, just one person you trust) about how he's been treating you. They will say the same as all of us on this thread and you'll have support if you start to wobble.
Get some counselling and do some reading . You are grieving for the life you wanted (that's what the anger is) and counselling will help.

He's the one with the problem, not you.

This picture helped me a lot when I was going through divorce

ei4change.com/personal-transition-change/

Op please don’t give up hope of having a family either as a single mum using a donor or with a new partner. I have friends who have had first babies at 39, 41 and 43. It might be harder and take longer and yes it doesn’t always work out but it IS possible. I also have a family member about to start ivf with donor eggs and her dp’s sperm at 41.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE OF A FAMILY

Book a couple of days off work next week, get your locksmith organised and move back to your own home. There's sufficient time to meet someone new and have a family, though obviously it's not a given, not at any age. If you put word about with your friends, colleagues and family that you're single and want to meet someone you may have more luck than simply relying on chance meetings and online dating.

He sound vile, and you definitely won't be any unhappier alone.

You are not too old to 'start again'!

A very good friend of mine reluctantly left her long term partner at age 38. Now she's with the man of her dreams age 40 and they're expecting their first child.

Fwiw, I ended my marriage at 38. 'Starting again' is really not something you need to worry about.
Trust me, OP. I've been there. If you leave this man, the only way is up.

He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

OP I am so so angry for you. My ex was similar, he’d look at chips in my nail polish and say faux intrigued ‘do all women’s nail polish chip like this?’ 😠 what he was doing was trying to make me feel inferior to other women and hunt maybe I was doing something wrong. He’s an ex for a reason.

Everything about life will be so much more enjoyable without being chained to this person. Go. Don't look back, you deserve happiness. My third child was born when I was 40.

I was with someone similar once - I stayed for over 5 years, and I regret so much now that I stayed for so long. I was a similar age - 38, and I've since met a lovely partner, who wouldn't dream of telling me what to do with my body or what to wear. Please don't stay longer and regret it like I did.

*And I'm not even going to say anything about his specific abusive words. He's not worth acknowledging.

You'll be starting again at some point because there's no way you can start with this pathetic excuse for a man your whole life.

Drop him off at the local dump. Get some donor sperm and some counseling to ensure you never let anyone treat you this way again. He'll be happy fucking an inflatable doll down at the tip.