he is angry i haven't waxed down there?

[wdjav]

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

@wdjav

What’s sickening is he is so so charming to colleagues and friends. He’s really chatty and understanding and will build me up in front of them even if we argued ten minutes before. He’s an awful man.

They don't live with him.

He can't bully or control or abuse them.

Please put things in place to leave.

Posters will talk you through it and you can be in a safe bed before the week is out if you want. You have to make the decision. You don't need his permission. He is not your boss.

You most definitely have time but while you are with Mr Never Right you won't meet the right man for you.

Please leave whilst it's possible. Once you commit to marriage and children it get so much harder and the abuse always escalates when it's this apparent before children.

You are worth so much more. Please do not have children with this man.

I have to say he sounds really vile.

You are a young woman, op, don't waste the rest of your life on this disgusting man.

Leave.Absolutely do not have kids with this man.

The abuse has begun already.He's telling you what to wear,how to look,how your body should look and mocks your feelings.

You'll get married and find he doesn't like you spending time with x,y and doesn't like you doing x,y and z.You'll start seeing less of people

Then it'll be kids and he'll want you to be a Sahm and you'll have no job,be treated like a servant as he'll have you doing everything and you'll most likely have your finances restricted.

No doubt verbal and emotional abuse will start to creep in and you'll stonewalled and gaslighted.

I know the above seems extreme but it's generally a slippery slope into this kind of domestic abuse.

Could you imagine subjected children to this controlling behaviour?

The question should be why is he this age and not settled?;I bet if you talk to his exes they'll have an interesting tale to tell.

You still have time to have a family,I know people who haven't started a family until their early 40's.

Your basically "settling";do not settle for him;you can do better than this douchebag.

Does everyone get their anus waxed now? Its never even crossed my mind. Who even wants to do that job? Imagine doing that job day in and day out
I think guys watch way too much porn now and it makes them weird and not good partner material.

He's a fucking arsehole.

Wants to control everything even which eyeliner you wear and I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Easy to say when you're not in that position but I'd rather be alone for eternity than put up with this carry on.

Hope you're ok

Pack up, leave, change the locks on your place, grow your pubes if you feel like it, and love yourself.

Life really is too short to not feel like you’re good enough for a prick like him. I know- I’ve been there.

@wdjav

What’s sickening is he is so so charming to colleagues and friends. He’s really chatty and understanding and will build me up in front of them even if we argued ten minutes before. He’s an awful man.

He's hardly going to talk about your pubic, and around anus, hair, or about your sex life.

When you're at home you're a captive audience.

Stop thinking you are old, you are definitely not, and definitely worth more than him. It is a good thing you haven't had a child with him, you would become more and more unsure of yourself and be tied to the man.

The world is your oyster.

It sounds to me, @wdjav, that you really do know what he's like:

• you describe your treatment of him so clearly;
• your own home is still easily accessible as you've not rented out (or, thank goodness, sold it and pooled your finances - which would have been disastrous;
• you've already started moving your stuff back to your own place;
• you're already thinking of changing the locks!

These are all positives to moving out as quickly and safely as you can. Don't forget to change ALL your passwords just in case he's become aware of them.

BTW being alone is far better than being with someone so manipulative. And at 36/37 - no great age - you stand a good chance of finding someone who will be a true equal partner rather than an emotional abuser.

Don't delay, OP, and don't give yourself time to talk yourself out getting away from this negative relationship. The longer you stay and accept his treatment of you, the worse he'll get. Good luck for a better future. 🌹

wdjav, I am so glad your own place is available.

Go for it.

For the love of God, leave this man and thank all your lucky stars you've not had children with him. It's not too late at 36, it wouldn't be too late at 38 but leave it much longer and it will be too late. You can have children on your own if you want. There are so many options open to women these days "tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life."

Good luck OP.

He's a bully.

Leave. Please.

I can recognise these sorts of remarks, individually they can seem small but added up it kills your self confidence and is borderline abusive, even the waxing bit.

I know now what it's like to be with a man who appreciates me for who I am not an ex who lamented the loss of an idealised version of who I was 20 years ago and moaning I'm not the same (I never was like he wants anyway). I still don't believe dp when he says I look nice or pretty.

Leave him @wdjav starting over is scary but well worth it, I'm living proof.

No other ties to him so could leave easily.

He sounds horrible. How can you bear to have intercourses with someone who says things like that to you?

Run. Fast. Do not look back.

Life will get so much better without him.

It's fair enough to be sad. Now is the time to get angry that you are wasting your life with this dreadful person.

Is this man a pornstar adonis stud who keeps himself in immaculate physical condition?

Don't walk away, RUN. As fast as you possibly can.

There's nothing tying you to this person. 36/37 isn't too old for ANYTHING, least of all living your life. You only get one shot, don't waste it being abused by this piece of shit.

for the road ahead, you must do something OP x

I want to hug you with one hand and poke you with the other.

What went on in your childhood / past that made you stay so long in a terribly abusive relationship?

I was single aged 43, its not the end of the world and its far better than being used as a punch bag.

You know you need to leave. What are your next plans.

I've been there, with a controlling, critical wanker. I was unhappy for years but finally had enough, left the twat and moved back in with my parents (I was mid-thirties). The relief was immediate, and my confidence came bouncing back. All I can say is, take back your control, you're your own person and no one can tell you what to do. Good luck OP.

Why is he such an abusive, hairy arse hole is the question you need to ask. Get the hell out of there while you can. Do not procreate with this wank stain.

So imagine you stay together and have children. Do you want your son learning this behaviour or a daughter learning to accept this behaviour?

I wish there was something I could do for all the women who find the idea of their own company worse than an abusive relationship.

I’m so sorry, he sounds awful and it sounds like you know what you need to do. You have the whole of the rest of your life waiting for you. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to consider starting over when you’re dreaming of children but imagine the damage he would inflict on a child who would tie you together forever. The whole of the rest of your life is waiting and it’ll be so much happier without him, no one deserves to be treated the ways he’s treating you. You have the strength to do this and never let him back in. Once you have left make sure you protect yourself and take someone with you if you need to go back to collect anything.

You'll be better off without someone like him. It may take a while to adjust, but do you really want to put up with his nonsense for the rest of your life? He doesn't deserve you, and more importantly, you don't deserve his abusive crap!

You might feel sick about leaving but why not endure a few weeks of discomfort while you get your new life sorted rather than a lifetime of hell with this POS? You literally won’t know yourself when one day you realise that you don’t feel scared anymore because you don’t know what his mood will be like or what he’ll say to hurt you next. Life doesn’t need to be like this but only you can make the decision to change it.

You sound awesome op. It’s bloody hard to resist those messages bombarding us from society every day, but you’re getting it on the home front too and you seem to have managed to stay grounded and resolute. There are many people who would have been worn to dust in these circumstances.

It has often puzzled me why wonderful women end up with men who are so far beneath them. I know I’m not supposed to judge etc etc but I have seen this dynamic play out with my friends over the years.

I’m sure the freedom programme has been mentioned. The shark cage metaphor is worth a google too if you want to learn more about avoiding creeps in the future.

I guarantee that at least some of those people that you’re envying, will be envying your courage to walk away.

You’re going to be ok. I know it’s awful right now, but soon, when you’ve cut off the deadweight you’re going to soar.