he is angry i haven't waxed down there?

[wdjav]

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

@ScienceSensibility

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Is this what women today think is an acceptable relationship?

Men demanding the porn aesthetic in their partners can fuck right off.

OP do you want to be writing this post in ten years time, with a few more of your ‘faults’ included?

What possible reason would you have for wanting to be with such a wanker?

I despair.

Try and have a bit of compassion. I couldn’t clearly see what was happening until I was out if the relationship, when you’re dragged down and you’re drowning, it’s hard to see straight.

Just GO.

Not all men are like that. You can do better than that arsehole. Even joining a nunnery would be preferable to enduring that kind of abuse.

I dread to think how he would speak to you if you were pregnant / had just given birth.
You will meet someone else and it would be very difficult to meet someone more awful than him.

I hope you get out soon OP. Do take care.
When you go, leave him a note to say you've waxed him out of you life, because one arsehole looks much like another!

Thanks to Mumsnet OP I left an abusive arsehole at 58. I’m loving it, leave and be happy, you deserve it.

The sooner you leave him the sooner you can start your new life.

A man like this will no doubt have knocked your confidence so be kind to yourself, it may take a while until you feel yourself again.

I am so sorry you are in this position but don’t worry to much, keep yourself in good shape, fit and health, lots of people have babies in their 40’s, I had one at 42 and I do not feel an old mum. I’m sure it will happen for you but please don’t waste another second with this awful misogynist.

Sat 22 May 2021. The first day of the rest of your life! (Even if you don't move out today, make it the day you decided to live free again). 🌺

I briefly worked with a young woman in an abusive relationship and I once asked her why she couldn't just leave him and her response was chilling.

She said the first time they hit you you're just shocked and bewildered. The second time you start to think it must be your fault. By the third your self-esteem hits rock bottom and you're too vulnerable to leave. It took just one month for her to feel that way.

Your OH may not be hitting you but he's a vile bully who's abusing you mentally, and I'd imagine it's had a similar effect as above, but over a longer period of time.

Please take everyone's advice on here and leave and start to rebuild your life

He has smothered the candle of your hope and you feel like you've wasted all this time on him, I understand that. I wish I could help you see that when you move from sad to angry, it will be easier to act, to get out, and to light that candle again. Something better is around the corner - the freedom to move on.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Moving things out into your previous home is a great start and the more you visualise yourself back in your own safe space the more confident you will feel knowing you've made the right decision.

You've said there are no ties, which is absolutely best case scenario. If this man father's a child with you, you will be permanently linked to him for the rest of your life. If he is berating you for your appearance now, I shudder think what will happen once you are heavily pregnant. He'll either cheat on you or the abuse will escalate. Guaranteed.

Count not having a baby with this abuser as a very lucky escape. You are in control of this. You have imagined being a mum. I bet you never imagined being a victim of abuse.

If he is brazen enough for his berating to now spill into public, his behaviour has escalated already. It will escalate at home.

Anyway, you know all of this. Good luck. You are on the path to a life you deserve.

Crikey, don't be scared of starting over, the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone like that is terrifying!

Sweetie it's only lunch time.

You can improve your life 100% by tea time.
Pack up your stuff go back to yours.
Have a bloody lovely night in.
Tomorrow you'll be a new woman
He's a dick

If it makes you feel any better about the waxing thing, I can think of several pornstars who shave down there and do not wax. They are some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.

The tl;dr is: Your bf doesn't know shit.

Okay, so I was close to your age when I then had my DC with my abusive ex, what I am saying is, I should have got away before that happened, but it's what changed me to break away. I am also saying I would love to go back to that age, do not go any further with this disgusting man!
You will not end up on your own! And yes I do get the not wanting to stay, but not wanting to leave either. You know that his behaviour is not okay, you have already made that obvious by picking out the bit about being waxed etc down below or not. I mean the eye liner thing is ridiculous!
As I said above, I have been in a long abusive relationship, and even my ex during sex would never of behaved like that! And that's saying something!

I don't know what your personal circumstances are, do you work, what is your situation in regards to accommodation? Do you have friends or family near by or those you have contact with.

If he treats you like this now, can you imagine the way he will treat you years down the line. He's a bully and will treat children in much the same way! Run now while you can! For your sanity, future happiness and the happy future family that you deserve.

Be strong and do the right thing for your sake.
You absolutely have time to start again.

@wdjav

Yes I had wanted a family. 37 in November and I am in tears thinking about that.

Hi, I have already replied but just reading through other replies etc, I get it that you are thinking about children and your age etc, but no matter what, you can not have kids with this man!

Slightly different angle, but what if something happened to one of you, e.g. an illness or injury where you couldn't work and needed looking after, short-term or even long-term? You're young, so it's statistically unlikely, but it happens. Would you want to be stuck looking after this 'man' or facing the guilt of leaving him when he's unwell? Would you want to be stuck with him and dependent upon him, the way he treats you? Get out and enjoy the rest of your life, good luck to you

The thing with a man like this is to accept that he isn't decent, kind or thoughtful like you are. He won't care that you waste the next 5 years or so wanting a baby. He certainly won't be grateful. He'll happily ignore your wishes, your autonomy. Get out and move on.
I left my first husband who was a bit like yours. Put my clear wish for a family first and foremost in my own head and had children at 37,39 and 41.

Good luck

@wdjav

I don’t know why I stayed. It was incremental and he used to give excuses like he was stressed or worried about his health etc. We went away last year for a week and on the second day he asked me to take lipstick on a walk, I said no it’s a walk, he proceeed not to speak to me for the next four days. Literally didn’t speak one word.

I’m just so sad I let this carry on and feel I’ve lost any chance of a family now

Yes I used to get 'excuses' you wound me up, I was stressed, you shouted, it was your voice blah blah blah, until I didn't need to do very much, and he would do stuff.

I was around your age when I left my emotionally abusive ex. I brought a house and just moved out (obviously a lot more to it than that).
I have my DC at 41. So, you do have time, it is possible.
You already have your own home so are in a far better position to leave, immediately. You don't owe him a thing.
Look to the future!

Run away. As far and as fast as you can.

Oh, and the only guys I've ever known who who could even tell eyeliner from a hole in the ground have been either goths who wear it themselves, or female impersonators. No real man tells a woman what to with her face, body or hair, he's an inadequate loser.

Christ, bin him.