he is angry i haven't waxed down there?

[wdjav]

In fact he’s angry about most things.

Without going into too much detail, I keep hair short down there but never go for a wax. It’s not bushy or long. I shave regularly. I just don’t want a wax. He said the other day that I must be the only woman who is happy with that and he’s shocked I don’t want my arsehole waxed specifically.

Other comments have been why do I think it’s ok not to wear heels into the office. Why do I slob out in a tracksuit when home from work. Why don’t I wear make up everyday. Why does my eyeliner wear off during the day...he’s noticed our mutual friend’s eyeliners stays on an entire night and looks the same from 7pm to 11pm, would I like him to get me the same one??

Recently I moved during sex as felt slight pain due to the position. I just wanted to re position. He pulled out and stormed off slamming the door saying what’s wrong with me?? I started to cry. The next morning he looked at me and mockingly sniggered and said who cries during sex?

I’m just so sad. No other ties to him so could leave easily. I’m 36, 37 at the end of the year though. It’s so scary to think about starting over. I feel sick when I think about staying and sick when I think about leaving. I will end up alone either way.

Yeah LTB territory here OP.

I don't get it. What is it that's so awful about being single that makes it better to be in a relationship like this that makes you so unhappy?

Oh darling I don't want to sound condescending but you're only 36. How does spending 50 more years with this prick feel like?

Do it now, get a suitcase pack some of your stuff and GO!

@wdjav

I’ve never said I want a family with hi

Of course it’s scary at nearly 37 to start over. I’m feeling horrendous today and don’t need people telling me he’d be a shit parent. I know that

Of course it is scary, it will be even scarier at 47 when you realise you've wasted another 10 years of your life being abused by this lowlife.

Start making your new better future now.

Leave leave leave what a horrible piece of shit

I'm surprised that you are surprised that abusers exist in this day and age
I should have been clearer, it's not really that! More that I'm surprised that anyone who is a regular on Mumsnet would put up with that kind of abusive behaviour

But you are already alone now OP. That is not a loving relationship you are in. Please get rid of the bastard.

OP this is only going to get worse, run run run!!

My dear @wdjav I was 38, 38 and a half actually when I had my son

Incidentally his dad is much like your oh and he was (and is) an appalling parent and an awful human being.

We don’t see him or have anything to do with him - he left 10 years ago and it was hard at first because of all the damage he’d done to me and my self esteem and worth, but mumsnet was absolutely vital in my recovery

I met my now partner 5 years ago and am so so happy, we’re in our 50s though - don’t you dare ever give up love!

The sooner you get out of this, the sooner you can make changes to your life for the better

Every second you’re with him is a second of happiness you’re denying yourself

Be brave. You can do this and we are all with you every step of the way

Op, I totally understand that you want a family. That you are scared. You are scared because he has destroyed your self confidence and chipped away at your self esteem. There is a man out there, who would treat you with respect and love and the way you deserve to be treated. But you won't meet him while you are with this man being treated like something he stepped in.

Walk away. Get some intensive counselling and spend a few months getting yourself built back up. Nothing is more attractive and desirable than a partner that knows their own value and is happy in themselves. Then get back into dating and find somebody that worships you.

Stop being treated like a man's wank bag, no other purpose than to look pretty fit him and let him evacuate into. You are with so much more.

@Miasicarisatia

I'm surprised that you are surprised that abusers exist in this day and age I should have been clearer, it's not really that! More that I'm surprised that anyone who is a regular on Mumsnet would put up with that kind of abusive behaviour

You were very clear, don't worry.

The pp chose to read something entirely different to what you wrote.

It’s a cliché but ypu’ll never be as young as you are today. You are ONLY 36 and the moment you kick this twat to the kerb, youa re free to meet the man you WILL start your family with.
If you only do one thing today, make a plan and just one step towards leaving.

@wdjav

I know. It’s much scarier when you’re in this situation at this age though.

I know he’s abusing me. I was in denial for a long time. I’m so sad.

It's going to get scarier if you don't leave.

Thanks. Sorry I didn’t mean to sound annoyed in my previous post.

I’m just so sad that I know I have to start again. Everyone around me, friends, family, colleagues, has settled down. I know there are others in my position but far less of us. It’s a very very very lonely place to be and I don’t think you can understand that unless you experience it.

I know I need to leave. It’s easy for me to leave, I never rented out my place so I can just go back there and change the locks (he has a key). I have slowly been moving things back to mine the last week or so. He doesn’t seem to have noticed.

It feels like everything I wanted is gone. I never thought I would be almost 37 and in this situation. I feel so stressed and unhappy and so so bitter. I can’t bear hearing about another engagement or wedding or baby. I have spent years celebrating things for other people and this is how I’ve ended up by 37. I’ve always been so positive and happy but all hope has gone and I am so angry at the world. Which makes me even more attractive hey !!

OP, I have a good friend who left a relationship under pretty much identical circumstances. She was 38 at the time. She married her lovely hubby at 40 and had two lovely boys by the time she was 44. You are NOT too old to start over, but the longer you wait the more time you're wasting. If you have somewhere to go, go NOW!!! Best of luck.

This is just awful.
You only have one life; do you want to spend it like this??

Having a child with someone like this will completely destroy you and any potential child.

You’re 36 and you have time to form another life, maybe meet someone and possibly have a family. Being in an abusive relationship is closing down your world and has put your life on Pause, but tomorrow you could set a course to broaden your world; perhaps have some counselling to reflect on how things have been and formulate how you might approach things differently and shake off the hatchet job he’s probably done to your confidence (who wouldn’t struggle after the treatment you’ve received), join clubs, see friends, start new hobbies and interests. By the end of this summer you could be in such a different place emotionally, practically and the unknown could be full of possibility again.

When you tell him it’s over he’ll probably do his best to diminish you so please get some real life support. In fact I would be careful about ending it in a situation where it’s just the two of you as he sounds pretty unhinged. I’m not one for recommending ending things by text but if you have all your possessions etc I would just end it remotely; you owe him zero. But don’t waste another 24 hours with him, please.

It's much worse to live with someone like him.
I've been in both situations and life looks a lot better on the other side.

Don't settle because others have found partners and have children. Choose your partner carefully. Or you'll just be wasting your time again.

You haven’t ‘ended up’ ij this position, you’ve been abused and worn down, and by taking control now and moving out you’ll be starting a whole new chapter. I bet quite a few of your married friends have a twinge of envy when you start dating again! You’re the perfect age to find the right person for you, experienced yet still young. Please try not to feel despondent as you have fantastic opportunities ahead of you

Oh OP . You are 36, you have time to have all those things or some of those things and still be happier. You know that though and it is tough and I know you are angry, probably at yourself for staying but I think it's crept up on you. Don't blame yourself for past mistakes, you can sort this out and be happier.

I think there will be lots of lovely men out there who would appreciate you for who you are and want to start a family as well.

I hope it all works out for you.

Please listen to YouokHun, wise words!

Leave, it will only get worse. You sound miserable and he is a dick. You have plenty time to meet someone else and find happiness. Or stay single whatever you choose, but please don’t stay and have children with this man as it won’t work. He’s a bully and sounds controlling

OP, please leave this horrible, horrible man, don't waste a moment more of your life on him. You're worth so much more. I used to be with someone who would say similar things in criticism of me, not as nasty, but he would criticise my looks all the time and seemed to care more about how I looked on his arm than who I was as a person. My self-esteem was in pieces by the end of that relationship and it took some time to rebuild. Reading your posts I found myself getting angry on your behalf, who does he think he is?

I get why it's been hard to make the break, these bullies wear us down bit by bit until our confidence is eroded, but you sound like you've finally had enough now, and quite right too. Leave and find someone who will love you for who you are, not how you look (lipstick on a walk FFS!), many women have kids in their late 30s and older, that door may not be closed yet. But you need to get away from this awful man regardless. You can do this.

What a wanker.

OP you've got all of mumsnet behind you. You can do this.

Call a locksmith today. Tomorrow could be the start of a new, exciting and fear free life. No more walking on eggshells