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Original poster

Fed up of other peoples dogs complicating my life.

410 replies

CrystalE · 21/05/2021 00:07

I don't mind dogs. We don't have them because of environmental concerns - we have vegetarian pets.

However recently I am fed up as trying to arrange to meet various family members seems to be totally constrained by their dogs . Here are examples:

Lets meet up for a pub lunch - family member A - "are dogs allowed"
Lets go for a country walk - family member B "can it be dog friendly"
How about a beach visit - family member C - "will dog have to be on lead"

I want to see family - not their dogs. Why can't the dogs just stay at home ...............

We love our pets but we don't want to take them everywhere with us.

OP posts:
Dogoodfeelgood · 21/05/2021 10:12

Yes I think that if you suggest cocktails in the evening you’ll get more success for a dog free catch up than suggesting a nice long walk with a pub lunch after, which is literally half the reason we got a dog - to do this with them Grin.

LST · 21/05/2021 10:15

@AgathaAllAlong

I agree that folk who treat their pets as humans and expect you to fuss over them, invite them to your wedding and let them stay over at your house overnight when they visit. But I see no problem with a walk, it's just a walk. Ask them to suggest the place like others have said, or do a 5 minute google to find suitable dog walks and pubs nearby. It seems to me that you are being almost deliberately difficult about the pub. How hard can it be to find one dogs can be at?
It would be harder to find one dogs can't be at in England!
tabulahrasa · 21/05/2021 10:20

The issue isn’t the dogs though... if you can’t just go for a walk and stop for lunch with them without the dogs having a huge impact on the whole day, that’s the human’s fault.

If a dog’s behaviour means they’re spoiling walks and lunch for people you’re with then you’ve not bothered training your dog... that isn’t the dog’s fault.

My current one couldn’t do the day out you’re suggesting, because he’s only 7 months and a rescue, but then I’d not suggest bringing him yet.

Though I’d also ask if we could do something else entirely tbh because going for a walk while leaving a dog at home is just pointless - and it’s too long to leave a dog alone. A walk and lunch is basically most of the day.

ginghamstarfish · 21/05/2021 10:28

I agree with you OP, the current (and growing) obsession with dogs baffles me, and I would not want them around. Let alone the horrible thought of having dogs in a restaurant/cafe, even a rural or park walk to me would mean - watching dogs shit, wondering if dogs are going to attack livestock, watching owners pick up and carry shit. Not my idea of a day out. However those of us who do not like dogs are clearly in a minority these days so you will most likely have to put up with it.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 10:43

Thanks for all replies. Have to say I was venting a bit late at night after arduous day. I don't hate dogs but glad that some people on here don't think I awful for not wanting to arrange a dog friendly family meet up

OP posts:
Miljea · 21/05/2021 10:50

I've cut straight from the OP to here, 230 posts later 😂

I agree with the OP. I have been a bit alarmed at the sheer number of people I know who got lockdown puppies, but who have been unable to socialise those puppies so every get together becomes just them trying to control their over-excited, untrained pooch.

I also have two friends who have made unwise career decisions based on the availability of doggy day-care....

But I imagine I've just bypassed 230 outraged responses to your OP! 😂

Cosmos45 · 21/05/2021 10:58

@Miljea

I've cut straight from the OP to here, 230 posts later 😂

I agree with the OP. I have been a bit alarmed at the sheer number of people I know who got lockdown puppies, but who have been unable to socialise those puppies so every get together becomes just them trying to control their over-excited, untrained pooch.

I also have two friends who have made unwise career decisions based on the availability of doggy day-care....

But I imagine I've just bypassed 230 outraged responses to your OP! 😂

Maybe they want more in their life than a career?
Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:07

@Moondust001

To be honest OP, you seem very judgmental of everything and everybody, and just very hard work. I'd be fine bringing my dog to a pub or for a walk. I am not sure that I would want to bring you.

"To be honest OP, you seem very judgmental of everything and everybody, and just very hard work. I'd be fine bringing my dog to a pub or for a walk. I am not sure that I would want to bring you."

MN bingo!!

All that's missing is 'vile', but I'm sure that'll be along, soon.

Some have commented on the socialisation of some other people's dogs, or lack of; but I worry about the socialisation, or lack of - in many posters on here, much preferring a dog to another human.... 😳

Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:15

@21Flora

Why can’t the dogs go on a lead? Then you can walk through a field of sheep if they aren’t well behaved enough to not chase

I was only remarking to DH a couple of days ago as we were driving through our estate, surrounded by fields and woodland, how rarely you see people walking in the woods or across the fields with their dogs, whereas the pavements are full of dog walkers, many with dogs whose front paws don't touch the ground the whole walk as the dog is straining on the lead the whole time as it dives in and out of the bushes alongside the pavements.

I imagine walking those dogs around fields with animals in them would be a PITA.

Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:21

@ Stillmedusa

"You sound jealous"

This MN bingo continues to deliver! 😆

Stompythedinosaur · 21/05/2021 11:25

I think that if you arent close enough to someone to put up with the restrictions in their lives then it is fine to give it a miss, but it's a bit mean spirited to complain about it.

The dogs issue is not really any different to a lot of things - needing to bring dc, having to work around my dp's care needs, working around the shifts I work etc. I've lost friends over these things, but tbh I figure that if they don't care enough to want to see me anyway then we were probably not that good friends anyway.

Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:27

@Cactusesi

Some people love their dogs much more than their friends and relatives. It can be quite humbling and even annoying to take second place to an animal.

.... humbling? Or batshit? 🧐

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2021 11:30

I don't really see the big deal if the option is:
Walk A that is dog friendly
Walk B that's less dog friendly
Given most walks are dog friendly and dogs should be on lead around livestock there's not that many walks that aren't.

The problem is that for every person who treats their dog like a child, there's someone else who seemingly has zero idea that being a responsible dog owner DOES change your lifestyle. People who go out for the day and consider the arrangements for their dogs are not being over the top emotional owners who adore their fur babies; they're being responsible owners.

Those who get annoyed that their friends and family are responsible owners need to shift their expectations, for example don't expect a dog free walking afternoon and pub lunch and get annoyed when dog owners ask if it can be dog friendly, maybe suggest an evening pub meal when the dog can be left at home for a shorter period.

Snakeprint · 21/05/2021 11:30

You could say no to the dog. They are loved members of the family. I only dont take mine out so socially as one us a muppet!

Gothichouse40 · 21/05/2021 11:33

I don't understand this having to take your dog every single place with you either. Im not a dog lover, due to childhood events. Everyone and their mother seems to have a dog now, but in the main I'd rather go a day out with children than dogs. I feel I just cannot escape dogs now and am sorry to say, the majority of owners have no control over them and we are just expected to put up with it. Our neighbours dog barks at every single person, even just walking along the street. This goes on for hours, so much so I have to shut my windows. Do they consider this is annoying to other people, do they hell? The only thing I can suggest is you meet in a restaurant that does not admit dogs. The only thing being they will probably say they can't come as they cannot bring the dog.

Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:36

@Killahangilion

We have a large breed dog that needs plenty of daily exercise. That’s our responsibility to meet that need.

However, there’s no way I’m bringing him with me when meeting friends unless it’s for a doggy play date with their dog. The dog has an outdoor run with kennel so he’s put in there when we go out without him.

He’s a dog not a child. He can be left home alone.

You sound like the sort of dog-owner I recall as a child. Sure, they loved their dogs, but they didn't conflate their dog with a human child. And didn't allow it to dominate their lives.

I thought a thing you're supposed to do is to teach a dog that it's 'place' in the family hierarchy is at the bottom. I think it's dangerous when that concept goes out the window....

Babygotblueyes · 21/05/2021 11:44

@CrazyCatsAndKittens

Well, what can you do? The problem is that all the activities you suggested like pub lunch and beach walk are sort of dog-friendly activities. If you suggested dinner out at a nice restaurant they probably wouldn’t ask.
This.

Your loved ones love their dogs. Get over it.

NewtobeMilf · 21/05/2021 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Returnoftheowl · 21/05/2021 11:47

I think you need to stop suggesting activity that sounds inherently dog friendly. A countryside walk sounds like a dog friendly activity so very likely people will want to bring their dogs... especially as if they didn't they would only need to go home and take the dogs out for a further walk.
Suggest something that isn't dog friendly, dinner in a restaurant, cinema, theatre.

ouchmyfeet · 21/05/2021 11:52

@Returnoftheowl

I think you need to stop suggesting activity that sounds inherently dog friendly. A countryside walk sounds like a dog friendly activity so very likely people will want to bring their dogs... especially as if they didn't they would only need to go home and take the dogs out for a further walk. Suggest something that isn't dog friendly, dinner in a restaurant, cinema, theatre.
I agree with this. And if they want to change it to something that involves the dogs just be honest
Miljea · 21/05/2021 11:54

@ Comos45

I said: "I also have two friends who have made unwise career decisions based on the availability of doggy day-care...."

You said "Maybe they want more in their life than a career"

To which I'll reply both really, really hate their work environment. There has been a mass exodus of staff from this workplace, but neither can leave, although there are other opportunities out there, because both bought lock-down puppies as both had WFH partners, which they juggled work hours around with so the dog was never alone.

One was sobbing to me only this week, because a much better job came up, which she'd be pretty much guaranteed to get- but she's stuck where she is because the hours would mean the dog would be alone- and the local doggy daycare is booked for months ahead. Her MH is already in the bin. So I think I can assert that getting this impulse buy fur-baby has consigned her to a job that she loathes.

The other is praying her own mother will come round to being her dog-sitter so she can also change jobs.

itsallaboutschmoo · 21/05/2021 12:03

Lol at not having dogs for environmental reasons but having multiple children...

By all means have GPigs instead of dogs (I love piggies) but don't pretend it's environmentally minded if you've had kids

Watermelon222 · 21/05/2021 13:27

“My dog would never exclude you from a walk OP. “

Yes if only humans were as easy going, uncomplicated, loving and loyal as dogs. The world would be a much nicer place!

MargosKaftan · 21/05/2021 13:40

OP - if they had a baby in lockdown, would you mind they wanted to check your walk route was buggy friendly?

When dogs are bit older, they can be left.

A better idea if you dont want to factor in the dogs is to say "I dont know if this pub/route/beach is dog friendly. Can you recommend one that is? we are flexible." Let them do the planning. (Or do you want to have some control over what happens?)

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2021 13:42

I thought a thing you're supposed to do is to teach a dog that it's 'place' in the family hierarchy is at the bottom. I think it's dangerous when that concept goes out the window....
There is conflicting advice on this. Some people think that to train a dog you have to be alpha and show the dog who's boss, show the dog that they're bottom of the pile. Others suggest that domesticated dogs don't follow pack rules of wild dogs.
The type of training we invested in was based on reward and consistency. We have never made any attempt to show our dog is bottom of the hierarchy because there is no need. They're not the centre of our world either. There's rules about where they sleep, there's routines for when they get fed, there's routines for giving out treats. They get good walks and appropriate stimulation in a range of places. We don't leave them alone for long periods of time because our view is that having a dog is a lifestyle choice, not a furry accessory that slots in whenever the owner feels like it.

As responsible owners though our life reflects the fact we own dogs. This means that we won't be doing what a substantial number of dog owners do and leave them at home all day, but we would happily leave them at home for a morning, or go for an evening meal. Unfortunately there's people out there who would see this and start with the "treating dogs as humans... expecting everyone to love your dog... life revolves around your fur baby" arguments.

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