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Original poster

would you give them the money?

139 replies

henryagm · 19/05/2021 18:42

NC for obvious reasons.

My sister and BIL recently both made redundant. It is very hard to find jobs in their sector. They are looking. They’ve asked me to help pay their mortgage, the majority of it, while they look for work. Realistically it could be a year before anything comes up. They are looking for other jobs too but because of where they are trained it is not as easy as just going into any other area, even no skill jobs are hard to come by where they live very remote).

They was 650 a month. My take home is around 3,200. They know this.

What would you do? I feel conflicted as I do have the spare cash but obviously this is quite a hefty sum. There’s no way they could pay it back and if they did it would be a long time.

OP posts:

DangerNature · 19/05/2021 21:45

Eg like supermarket/shops/delivery driver?

idontlikealdi · 19/05/2021 21:52

We, no fucking way.

user7891011 · 19/05/2021 21:52

No way and don't feel guilty for saying no

Seesawmummadaw · 19/05/2021 22:06

Are you the only person able to help?

Have they looked at benefits that they may be entitled to?

I would be torn but I think I probably would if I could. It would be a last resort thing though.

HairyToity · 19/05/2021 22:11

No I wouldn't pay the mortgage. If I had the cash I'd give them up to 3k and ask that it's paid back as and when they can afford to. I absolutely wouldn't cover mortgage.

My brother lent me 1k once when I was out of work, to get me out of a pickle. When I started a new job I gave him £250 for first three months, and the last month gave him £300. He didn't ask for the extra £50 but it was my way of saying thank you.

bigbaggyeyes · 19/05/2021 22:24

If it's such a small amount of mortgage then they can find a job that pays it. Plenty of driving or Carer roles around at the moment. They could do this whilst they look for work in their sector

bigbaggyeyes · 19/05/2021 22:26

If they've both been made redundant then they can claim benefits, put the mortgage on an interest only, or ask their mortgage company for a payment break.

There are lots of things they could do before borrowing money

AlCalavicci · 19/05/2021 22:54

I am will most of the PPs , if and only if you could afford to lose the money I would gift them the money but only enough for 3 months payments .
I have given my Db cash in the past because he was struggling ( nothing like that kind of amount though ) and I did not want it back , it got him back in his feet and helped him more than just the value of the cash .

FijiCavanaugh · 19/05/2021 23:55

Depending on how much it would impact my savings (which sounds like not too much of an issue for you) I would agree to a very strict 6 month period. That allows plenty of time to make other arrangements. I have a good and trusting relationship with my family though and I realise not everyone is so lucky.

BritInAus · 20/05/2021 00:28

As others have said, there's a lot of options for them: rent their home out and move into something tiny for say a year; call the bank and negotiate a lower rate/mortgage holiday for 6 months or so; take jobs outside of their fields for a while.... perhaps you may be able to help a bit if it gets dicey for them - but I can't see why their first option is for you to just take on their entire mortgage straight away.

Lollypop4 · 20/05/2021 00:28

No.
When the pandemic 1st happened, mY DH hospitality buisness closed..
He got a job as a night shift shelf stacker- anything to keep on top of our bills.
Your Ds and BIL need to do whatever job to cover bills, whilst they look for their sector jobs

MistySkiesAfterRain · 20/05/2021 02:30

Go online here benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

And see what benefits they are entitled to. If they have less than 16k savings excl pension then they should be entitled to Universal Credit.

I cannot think of any reason not to claim this. It is the reason we pay tax, for times like this.

There is no way you should be stressing or feeling guilty. Yes its good to help but not if there existing avenues for support.

memberofthewedding · 20/05/2021 02:44

They should explore other options first like a mortgage holiday and widening their work search to include any job going. Have they no other relative who can help?

Never allow your family to know how much you earn. My parents never knew what I earned even when I was at home as I was paid via bank transfer and had all my mail sent to an accommodation address.

celandiney · 20/05/2021 16:46

I would if I could afford it without being unable to pay bills etc myself.
I love my sister,I would trust her to support me if I needed it.
I would also trust her to be job hunting,and from the other side of the fence if I was going under financially through no fault of my own and my sister could afford to help but didn't then I would be deeply hurt.

It sounds as if Sis and Bil are going to struggle to get jobs in their own field,may not be able to afford to move,and live in an area where
no skill jobs are scarce,possibly generic jobs as well? Even if they look at retraining that takes time and often money.
Though it does depend what other options they have,as PPs have said,mortgage holiday? And if they live in remote area in a mansion they could afford to move and downsize - we don't know.

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