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Original poster

would you give them the money?

139 replies

henryagm · 19/05/2021 18:42

NC for obvious reasons.

My sister and BIL recently both made redundant. It is very hard to find jobs in their sector. They are looking. They’ve asked me to help pay their mortgage, the majority of it, while they look for work. Realistically it could be a year before anything comes up. They are looking for other jobs too but because of where they are trained it is not as easy as just going into any other area, even no skill jobs are hard to come by where they live very remote).

They was 650 a month. My take home is around 3,200. They know this.

What would you do? I feel conflicted as I do have the spare cash but obviously this is quite a hefty sum. There’s no way they could pay it back and if they did it would be a long time.

OP posts:

Apileofballyhoo · 19/05/2021 18:53

Can they not go interest only for a while?

Bumzoo · 19/05/2021 18:54

No. It's too much to ask of you.

waterandlemonjuice · 19/05/2021 18:54

NFW

lachy · 19/05/2021 18:55

I wouldn't do it. As a one off I would give my DSIS a grand or two, but I absolutely would not pay her mortgage.

You don't know what your circumstances will be in 6 months. Your priority is you.

NerrSnerr · 19/05/2021 18:55

No. What if they don't get a job for a year, or two years? They need to broaden their search and see if they're entitled to any benefits while they're searching.

CassandraTrotter · 19/05/2021 18:56

Have they already used their mortgage holiday?

Ohpulltheotherone · 19/05/2021 18:56

If I could easily afford it then I would help them out but as a PP said, an agreed time limit so 6 months.
That’s 4K, which isn’t a huge sum of money in the grand scheme of things if you’ve got a decent income and as you say it’s going on holidays and it’s not put your own home or future at risk.

It’s really difficult position to be in, if you can easily afford it and you say no to helping your sister potentially avoid losing her home - well that seems a little harsh. Q

A good compromise might be agreeing to support for a set time period and help them navigate mortgage holidays and other potential work.

Summersnake · 19/05/2021 18:56

How on earth do they know your take home pay
You give out to much information
Don’t be a walk over
They are cf for asking

VodkaSlimline · 19/05/2021 18:57

2 adults should be able to earn £650/month (and the rest) between them! Have they even asked their mortgage provider for a temporary payment holiday/reduction before coming to you?

Lampzade · 19/05/2021 18:57

They need to find jobs which have nothing to do with their sector
Why should you pay the mortgage of two able bodied, healthy individuals?
Also, the arrangement appears to be indefinite.
Not a good idea

saraclara · 19/05/2021 18:57

Have they looked into all the alternatives? Lenders have been understanding about mortgage holidays etc during covid, for instance. I'd not be happy to do this, I'm afraid..it's one thing to help for a clear period of time, but there's absolutely no clear time period here. It could go on for years, and stopping would be very awkward.

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 19/05/2021 18:58

They should take a mortgage holiday before asking you for anything. If the can't, they should at least ask to switch to interest only until they get back on their feet. What about benefits? Have they made a claim?

Bythemillpond · 19/05/2021 18:58

If they live so far out then I would suggest they put the house up for sale and move where they can get a job. Any job.

Whilst it is nice living in the back of beyond you do have to be able to afford it and it seems like they can’t afford to live where they do.

I would offer to pay for 4 months on the understanding that they put their house up for sale and go all out to get a buyer in order to move to a place where there are more jobs.
If they turn down realistic offers or are putting off viewers then I would stop paying immediately.

BettyUnderswoob · 19/05/2021 18:59

Gosh, I can't imagine having the balls to ask anyone this!

If you say yes, it'll come back to you in dribs and drabs. If it comes back at all.

Mrgrinch · 19/05/2021 19:00

I can't quite get my head around the cheek of two grown adults with a mortgage asking to have it paid for them. Without even a mention of it being paid back. It's quite possibly one of the cheekiest things I've heard.

Say no and don't feel bad. There are two of them, I'm sure they can find a job until something comes up in their line of work.

Honestly I'm disgusted.

Mayra1367 · 19/05/2021 19:00

It think they should broaden their search for jobs outside their profession . What if it’s more than a year ? What steps are they taking ? It’s their responsibility. Obviously I would help family but I think they need to show that they are taking steps to solve their own problems.
If both got jobs in supermarkets/ warehouses etc they could pay their own bills .

Wantabub · 19/05/2021 19:00

I think I'm in the minority. But I would.

devildeepbluesea · 19/05/2021 19:02

Christ. Flip this for a moment. Could you even imagine being beholden to your sister for this amount of money? I can't fathom it. And my DSis did, many years ago, lend me some money during a tight spot. But it was a set amount and I paid it back.

tootiredtospeak · 19/05/2021 19:02

I mean I would do it with the amount of disposable income you have but for a short period and not as a loan. I would do say 3 or 4 months but say after that it's a no they would have to get a job not in their area of expertise and keep looking.

Inmypjsagain · 19/05/2021 19:03

I think this could get messy and I’d assume you wouldn’t get the money back, even if you tell them it’s a loan. It’s not really a nice position to be put in.

I think between 2 people they should be able to get jobs outside of their area to cover this amount, that way they can work and job hunt- especially if it would take a year to find a job. On that basis I’d suggest they look into a mortgage aholiday, then politely decline...

Good luck!

MintyMabel · 19/05/2021 19:04

I’d do this for my sister without her having to ask. But if she did ask, I wouldn’t think twice about it. I also know she would do it for me.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your sister.

Notaroadrunner · 19/05/2021 19:05

Unless you can afford to kiss goodbye to it then don't do it. Lending money to anyone can sour the strongest of relationships. What if you fall in hard times later on and they can't/won't help you out? Suggest to them that they talk to their bank first to see if they can take a mortgage break. Are there things they can cut back on - Netflix, Sky tv, other non essential services?

LavendulaAngustifolia · 19/05/2021 19:07

Do you get any equity in a years worth of payments to their property or would they pay this back?

Howshouldibehave · 19/05/2021 19:09

Can you afford to give them £8000 which you will never see again, because once they start work it will take them a long time to sort themselves out and paying you back will not be a priority?!

No way would I do this. They need to get work-any work-or a mortgage holiday. My DB wouldn’t ask me to do this.

Billandben444 · 19/05/2021 19:10

I would agree to do it for 6 months as a gift but not a loan. That gives them both time to find something else that might be out of their comfort zone - I couldn't not help with that level of disposable income.

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