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Original poster

would you give them the money?

139 replies

henryagm · 19/05/2021 18:42

NC for obvious reasons.

My sister and BIL recently both made redundant. It is very hard to find jobs in their sector. They are looking. They’ve asked me to help pay their mortgage, the majority of it, while they look for work. Realistically it could be a year before anything comes up. They are looking for other jobs too but because of where they are trained it is not as easy as just going into any other area, even no skill jobs are hard to come by where they live very remote).

They was 650 a month. My take home is around 3,200. They know this.

What would you do? I feel conflicted as I do have the spare cash but obviously this is quite a hefty sum. There’s no way they could pay it back and if they did it would be a long time.

OP posts:
Aprilwasverywet · 19/05/2021 19:45

Imo you would never know how hard they are actually looking for jobs!! And every purchase they make you will add a touch of resentment to the pile...
Sadly it's a no from me op.

StartingGrid · 19/05/2021 19:46

I covered my sisters wages for a short while and her balloon payment on her car, but this was at a time when she was in a dead end job without time to study and for the sake of her mental health and focus I told her to quit and I'd help her. She has since gotten employment in a role that she can build a career from and has been paying me back religiously. I think the exact circumstances and the way you've been asked are pertinent - how long have they been looking, have they made cutbacks, do they seem nervous to have asked.

Babygotblueyes · 19/05/2021 19:49

I wouldnt dream of asking someone to pay my mortgage. If you have some savings and want to help I would given them a token amount as a one off and suggest they talk to their bank.

trilbydoll · 19/05/2021 19:52

I think for the sake of my own sanity I would give them a lump sum of £2k, tell them it was a gift and there was no more forthcoming. Then you've helped, it's up to them what they do with it, and you won't constantly be wondering if you'll see it again.

gottakeeponmovin · 19/05/2021 19:53

If I had 1k a month spare I would do it

myhobbyisouting · 19/05/2021 19:54

No. They can go get a job. Any job. CFs

Theworldisfullofgs · 19/05/2021 19:57

What if, in a year's time, they still haven't got a job?

If you do go ahead, I'd set out very clearly what the boundaries are.

Or just give a limited sum that you could gift to give them some breathing space but don't commit to anything long term.

Chloemol · 19/05/2021 19:59

If you do it I would say it’s for three months max, and how are you going to repay it

spotcheck · 19/05/2021 20:01

Are you close to your sister?

I would be tempted to do it for 6 months, as a gift, no questions asked.

But ..

Are they generally responsible with money? If they made financial decisions/ purchases that you didn't approve of, would you resent it?

netstaller · 19/05/2021 20:03

They should take a 3 month mortgage holiday first and I'd suggest you'd pay two months as a good will but not more. That should give more than enough time to find new jobs even if I'm a supermarket

grapewine · 19/05/2021 20:05

If I could afford it, then for my sibling I would. I wouldn't be able to watch them lose the roof over their head.

But 6 months max and with an agreed repayment plan in writing.

PremierSmeage · 19/05/2021 20:05

Have they exhausted everything else?

Universal credit
Mortgage holiday/interest only
Savings

Surely they should be able to get the mortgage break that many lenders have been allowing due to covid?

Have they applied for all other possible jobs - delivery drivers, supermarkets, cleaning jobs?

I would only do it as a last resort if they were actually about to lose their home imminently.

IhaveMyMoments · 19/05/2021 20:06

No way . Get a job in a supermarket. A clenaing job. Anything.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/05/2021 20:08

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

Not your problem , they will have to sell and downsize if they can't get work ! Some people are cheeky feckers ! 🙄
Honestly see this twaddle that gets trotted out on threads like this, it's tiresome. It costs a fortune to sell a house! If they can't afford to pay their mortgage, I think its unlikely they can afford to move.
Dontbeme · 19/05/2021 20:09

Two months mortgage payments as a gift, no expectation that it be repaid and Bank of Sis is closed after that, that would be as far as I would be willing to go.

Because you know the next thing is "you helped out Sis and BIL, why can't you help me?" from every relation that you ever crossed paths with. Also OP maybe be more selective about who you shared your financial information with in future, stop telling people your take-home pay.

Cindy87 · 19/05/2021 20:11

If I could reasonably afford it, I might gift them a lump sum. Perhaps 2 months of mortgage payments, 3 tops. I would not pay it monthly for an unspecified length of time. This is because if their mortgage is being paid for free, they might be picky about what job they take. If they have a set amount of money that will run out, they might be more motivated.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/05/2021 20:12

UC does not pay towards mortgages.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 19/05/2021 20:13

Not a chance

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/05/2021 20:19

I would do it for my brothers, and they would do it for me. None of us would see the others lose property when we could relatively easily prevent it.

However they are reasonable people and they would be making realistic plans to move somewhere their skills can find a market. You can't just live in the wrong location for your career and shrug your shoulders when no job is available.

HeidiHoNeighbour · 19/05/2021 20:20

How much is the house worth?
Can you buy a percentage of it?

10% for £10k?

When they are sorted they buy it back.
Gives you a guarantee then.

AmazingGrapes · 19/05/2021 20:22

I might offer to give them the money each month up to however many months I considered a reasonable total sum. Eg I’ll help you up to the value of £2k which is 3 months.

Then they’ll have to work out how to make it work. Maybe they get casual work to extend their time or maybe they consider a broader range of jobs.

But yes, I would help them.

dubyalass · 19/05/2021 20:23

It would depend on how they were with money up to this point - why don't they have savings to fall back on? (I appreciate that many people can't afford to save, myself included, but it's a valid question when making a decision like this.) What have they done to cut back? Why don't they have mortgage payment insurance? (Again, I didn't because I couldn't afford it.)

I would definitely consider it, but for six months max. I'd treat it as a gift because you never know if you might need to ask the same of them in the future. Personally I would want to pay it back if I were them, but I would give it with no expectation of repayment.

RideaCockHorseOfCourse · 19/05/2021 20:24

I absolutely would not do this. Some years ago, I leant my sister £1000 when she asked (she's always been destitute, but still manages to pay a Sky subscription). I believed that she had proper intentions to pay back, but the truth is, she could never afford to, and the means by which she intended to be able to repay it never transpired (for equal monthly instalments) After 2 years, she sent me £20. I felt she was pissing in my face.

motogogo · 19/05/2021 20:24

No, they take jobs. Any jobs! There's lots of hospitality hiring, care always need people.. if they are still unable to make enough, a small loan perhaps

dubyalass · 19/05/2021 20:25

Basically: if they're generally feckless: no. If they're conscientious and genuinely fallen on hard times: yes.

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