would you give them the money?

[henryagm]

NC for obvious reasons.

My sister and BIL recently both made redundant. It is very hard to find jobs in their sector. They are looking. They’ve asked me to help pay their mortgage, the majority of it, while they look for work. Realistically it could be a year before anything comes up. They are looking for other jobs too but because of where they are trained it is not as easy as just going into any other area, even no skill jobs are hard to come by where they live very remote).

They was 650 a month. My take home is around 3,200. They know this.

What would you do? I feel conflicted as I do have the spare cash but obviously this is quite a hefty sum. There’s no way they could pay it back and if they did it would be a long time.

I am all for helping family but it depends on A LOT of things

1. How long will it be for?
2. Do you have ample savings yourself?
3. What are the chances of you yourself losing your job?
4. Will it effect your relationship? For example if you are paying their mortgage and then they go on a weekend break/ decide to buy new garden furniture/ go on a shopping spree will you get your back up and feel resentful?
5. Will you get the money back?

I would for a sibling but I’d cap it and I’d not expect it back (that way lies madness). So I’d say, no I’m not going to pay your mortgage but I will give you £2.5K to tide you over. The. You’re on your own. Make it clear that you don’t want them to ask again after that

I love my sister and she has offered to help me out at times so I absolutely would but I would put a maximum time limit on it so they knew that, if they weren’t sorted by, say 4 months, they would have to stick their house on the market, I’d aim to pay a maximum of 6 months.

Do they not have any mortgage repayments insurance?

I would always do this for my siblings and I know they would do the same for me. It’s only money and it’s their home. I would ask them to look mortgage holidays etc first though and come back to me

I would do this for my sister. No questions asked. She would do the same for me. I would expect they have already looked at payment holidays?

I wouldn't. You will never see that money again.

They can ask for a mortgage holiday.
They can sell the house.

If you do it, you may well ruin your relationship with them when it all goes south.

No way. Once you start lending they’ll tap you up whenever they’re short! Tough if they can’t fine a job, go stack shelves in Sainsburys, short term COVID centre employee etc. Not big commitment jobs but between them they could ear 2/3k a month. Tough love is what I’d give them. ‘Sorry my cash is tied up/saving for a bill etc’.

No.

What if you lose your job? Or need the money for an emergency?

Tell them your money is tied up and unavailable.

If I was in their situation I would do a lot before I asked for money. I'd be job hunting in any area, taking in a lodger and taking a mortgage holiday first; I'd also be cutting non-essentials like TV packages too.

So, I'd be a no until this is done. Help is for emergencies not a first port of call.

I'd be more concerned that the mortgage wouldn't be the end of it - that they'd follow it up with no money to pay the bills, no money for food etc.

If I earned as much as you do and could easily afford it I’d do it for two or three months to give them a chance to find their feet. The £2k is a good suggestion. But I’d tell them it was a one off, I wasn’t a cash cow. They could get minimum wage jobs while they look for other jobs (there are lots of café jobs around here) and use the £2k to top up those low wages for quite a while.

If you can why not give them a set fee you are comfortable never seeing again and that's it. I.e. £1950, three months mortgage, they simply have to be earning by the end of that. I'd also be saying it's a one off never to be repeated amount. No negotiation, no waivering just this is all I am willing to do. Or offer to top up any shortfall for say 5 months, be clear you expect them to find ways of earning even part of that amount, they have options though

Have they exhausted all other avenues before asking you?
Mortgage holidays, universal credit etc
If so then I would probably agree to 2 or 3 months if I had the spare cash flow, I couldn't just sit by knowing I had it and watch my sister loose her house.
That should give them enough time to find some sort of job, even a delivery job to tide them over for now

I would do it for my family and have offered help (privately) to both my parents and brother when they were struggling with redundancy and family illness. Both times it was refused, but I'd have done it without question, not forever and probably agreed a set length of time. Because I wouldn't see my family and their children lose their home because of a short term financial issue. And I'd hope that they would feel able to ask. None of them are CFs and I know if I was struggling, they would also do what they could to help me.

It's fine for people to say they need to sell up, but that takes time (and money) for fees, solicitors, moving before you sell.

If it went on much longer than 4 months, then it would be time for serious conversation, but it depends on your family dynamics as to whether they would rest easy knowing you were paying their mortgage or if they would be doing everything to try and find any job to make sure they could keep a roof over their heads.

No. A part time job 16 hours a week @ £10 an hour works out at £640 a month. My 20 yo DS earns this in a chippy.
They need to find other work.

Can they requests so sort of assistance fro the lender in the form of a payment break or interest payments only to reduce the amount.
Whether you pay is up to you but if they remain out of work for sometime you will have a large liability. Definitely draw up a payment agreement with them stating its a loan and mark the transfer as "mortgage payment loan" in the bank transfer info. This way there is no ambiguity to the nature of your credit.
They need to broaden there job seach to anything that will bring in an income, earning something is far better than earning nothing while drawing a blank in employment in their skills area. Maybe its an opportunity to diversify their skills into a more stable job area?

No. They need to look at the other options available to them.

Why do they know what your income is?!

So they want to take a quarter of your monthly income while they sit at home and pick & choose over jobs?! Errm nope!

@JetBlackSteed

No. A part time job 16 hours a week @ £10 an hour works out at £640 a month. My 20 yo DS earns this in a chippy. They need to find other work.

The mortgage isn't going to be the extent of their outgoings. There will be all the other bills, their food, and if they're very rural they need their cars to find jobs.

So many people have responded as if they only have to find £650 to get from beginning to end of the month. They don't have a magic mortgage that pays for council tax, water, energy, insurances, cars, petrol and food, on top of the roof over their head, I imagine.

They need to contact their mortgage provider , they can take a payment holiday or switch to interest only for a limited period. The mortgage will be the start of it as benefits will probably not be enough for them to live on if their lifestyle
is usually based on two full time salaries - they might have a lot of other expenses they need help with

If I could afford it and it meant my sister not losing her home I’d do it in a heartbeat and I know she would too. The amount of stress they would be under worrying about losing their home, I couldn’t live with myself knowing I could have helped them but chose not too.

If you were in her shoes would you want her to help you? You need to ask yourself that and be honest with your answer. I’m actually baffled by the people saying they wouldn’t help!

Whats your relationship like with them?
Tbh if i could comfortably afford it I would help them out for a fixed time frame.
But it would be a last resort, I would see if they could get a payment holiday or at least take on any work they could get whilst looking for a job in their field.
It does have the potential to go horribly wring depending on the type of people they are, would they do the same for you?

@saraclara
Yes I know they are out of work and will have other bills to pay.
But the OP says they want £650 per month to cover the majority of their mortgage.
The assumption then is that sister and BIL have other money available to them to pay the remainder of the mortgage and other things.

I was only pointing out that one person working part time could cover that cost themselves and not require two full time job hunting people earning zero.

I'd want to know why they've asked you for the whole £650 per month rather than spreading the request across the whole family, for example, £150 pm from each of their parents, £150 pm from you and the rest from other siblings?

Surely if they are unemployed they should be applying for everything there is out there whilst attempting to get a job in their sector or are they staying unemployed?