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Original poster

Just realised how snobby & unfriendly the mums at dc's school are:(

302 replies

Jerseyshore12 · 18/05/2021 12:20

Bit of a background... My dc's are at a very good state school in an affluent area... Most parents at the school live in similar estates/houses however the level of snobbery is really making me miserable, I hate the school run... I try to be friendly, always smile, say hi, try to muster up conversation but they literally look at me like I'm something they walked on... I came home & cried this morning, I felt so belittled & worthless. If your face doesn't fit, you don't have a high flying career or not part of the PTA or another comittee you don't seem to get acknowledged... Thankfully we live in a lovely house & area, dc are super happy in the school, lots of friends & are flying with their schoolwork which really is the main thing... I guess I just need a few coping mechanisms to get me through the drop offs. Please be kind & if anyone has had any similar experiences please share.

OP posts:
blueangel19 · 19/05/2021 08:25

Btw I am not the insecure type. I never experience such a hostile environment. Luckily I did not need them at all in my life. You have my sympathy Op.

blueangel19 · 19/05/2021 08:29

@ all Nohomemadecandles.

I do not care what you think about what I went through. If that it was not your experience good for you. Obviously there are mothers who are not like that but some schools have a majority of those mothers. Nobody made lies about me but about families who were their friends.

roguetomato · 19/05/2021 08:35

blueangel19, I think you are projecting too much. Most of the school mums are regular people. At least OP's school's mums seems to be. They are not bullying op. They just don't invite op into their group like op may have expected to. Maybe they are not interested in making new friends because they already have enough friends there.

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blueangel19 · 19/05/2021 08:46

@roguetomato

Hopeful the Op would find lovely regulars mothers like you at the school gates.

BimBimBapp · 19/05/2021 08:49

School gates are a nightmare. The mean bully girls of school are now these grown up bitches

No, its not them, it's you.

Some people here are off the wall crazy.

Bluntness100 · 19/05/2021 08:55

@blueangel19

School gates are a nightmare. The mean bully girls of school are now these grown up bitches. I had the worse experience and it really can damage you. There is not much you can do if this the environmental in your kids school. I put up with it because of the kids. They were doing well and love the school. My advise is to ignore and do not trust anybody because they make up big lies about families. Better to be low profile. They tend to side with people who would enhance their social status or for networking purposes only. Be smiley and polite to everyone and good luck.
This is a very unusual thing that’s happened to you and I’m sorry you were bullied. It’s clearly very different for the op though as no such thing is happening to her and no one is bullying her, it’s simply they talk to their own friends when they meet up
themuttsnutts · 19/05/2021 08:56

Mine are older now and I remember feeling as you do.

When I had my first, I tried really hard to fit in but never quite got there.

With my second, I decided not to try but was friendly if anyone wanted to come speak to me.

To be honest, the latter approach had the same effect friends wise.

I just came to the conclusion that the environment didn't suit me. I am much happier now

peaceanddove · 19/05/2021 09:04

I think these situations are a self fulfilling prophecy. If you start off feeling a bit insecure and assuming the other parents will be snobby then it's highly likely that is the experience you will have.

When DD started school I didn't have high expectations of being welcomed with open arms by the other Mums. I didn't know them and they didn't know me, so why should they? Plus I already had friends so wasn't pinning my hopes on making new friends at school. Instead I just smiled and nodded, didn't over analysis it much and ended up with 4 woman who have been my very best friends for over 14 years.

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 19/05/2021 17:26

They were like this at my sons primary school. I just went and got on with it and only spoke to people if they made the effort to speak to me first. Eventually I did speak to some mums whose kids were friends with my kids. Otherwise, just leave them to it. School mums can be incredibly bitchy, try to keep away from it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/05/2021 17:30

@blueangel19

School gates are a nightmare. The mean bully girls of school are now these grown up bitches. I had the worse experience and it really can damage you. There is not much you can do if this the environmental in your kids school. I put up with it because of the kids. They were doing well and love the school. My advise is to ignore and do not trust anybody because they make up big lies about families. Better to be low profile. They tend to side with people who would enhance their social status or for networking purposes only. Be smiley and polite to everyone and good luck.
That's quite an extreme experience you seem to have had. Imagining it's the norm, though? No. Really, no.
Peppermintpatty24 · 19/05/2021 17:35

I don't understand this preoccupation with school cliques. Never interested me in the slightest.....never wanted to be part of their "crowd". School gates cliques are like bullies in the playground. Why don't you put some earphones in and listen to music/podcast whilst you wait.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/05/2021 17:36

Just stop giving a fuck. March into the school with confidence, don't bother trying to say hello or catch anyone's eye, just ignore then all.
I've never tried to talk to anyone in the play ground I don't know, and I doubt I would notice if they gave me funny looks because I don't look at them. Unless I know people from somewhere else, I don't bother.
If I do catch someone's eye I smile and keep walking unless they strike up a conversation.

Alwaystired90 · 19/05/2021 17:37

I do the school run 99% of the time in workout gear and a high pony tail. This makes me look about 21 (I’m 32) Forever getting filthy looks, have even overheard a parent commenting on my choice of leg wear (the tiktok leggings) context still - I don’t use tiktok and didn’t know they were tiktok leggings until long after buying them 😂

Oh, and I’m the Chair of Governors 😂

I like to silent amuse myself knowing that what I can personally/quietly offer is worth far more than a few choice comments at the school gates.

Ignore them my dear, I’m sure your fabulous the way you are.

Alwaystired90 · 19/05/2021 17:37

Ahem...you’re!!! *

Slimemonster · 19/05/2021 17:38

I totally get you. School mums are like that towards me too, after 2 years I've given up trying, they all pair off or are in little groups and don't try to be welcoming in the slightest, let alone a hi

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/05/2021 17:40

A group of people who know each other having a chat is not a clique.

Op deliberately walks past them every day. They have not excluded her, she's excluded herself and is peeved that they won't follow en masse to where she's chosen to park herself.
Ridiculous.

Snakeprint · 19/05/2021 17:44

Don’t look at it as anymore than another chore, the school gates are not for making friends. Drop, run, forget.

KidneyBeans · 19/05/2021 17:47

Honestly OP I don't want to be mean but you sound insecure and it's making you unkind and judgemental.

You're labelling and name calling women who say hello when you say hi and scurry past them. Their behaviour is totally normal, yours however (crying, name-calling and starting this thread) is a bit of an overreaction. If you want to have a conversation with them then do that, but don't judge them for not issuing you with an invitation to chat when you run past saying almost nothing and refuse play dates with their DC.

angela99999 · 19/05/2021 17:50

I have four DC and they all went to the same primary school over a period of about 20 years. I can honestly say that I didn't make any real friends there, just acquaintances. They weren't outwardly rude, just cliquey. We always asked the whole class to birthday parties, including the naughtly boys who never went to any others (I didn't want anybody to be left out) but often my DC didn't get asked back. A real friend told me that the mean women thought I only asked everyone so that I could show off my expensive house. NO.
Just accept that you're not their type, they probably know each other from somewhere else - ante-natal classes, school, neighbours or whatever. You don't need to be friends with them and in reality you probably don't want to be.

angela99999 · 19/05/2021 17:52

@KidneyBeans

Honestly OP I don't want to be mean but you sound insecure and it's making you unkind and judgemental.

You're labelling and name calling women who say hello when you say hi and scurry past them. Their behaviour is totally normal, yours however (crying, name-calling and starting this thread) is a bit of an overreaction. If you want to have a conversation with them then do that, but don't judge them for not issuing you with an invitation to chat when you run past saying almost nothing and refuse play dates with their DC.

This is just as mean as the awful cliquey mothers.
Crappyfridays7 · 19/05/2021 17:53

Who cares, I’ve got 4 kids so have spent a good few years in school playgrounds and I don’t care if I speak to people or not? After a few years they don’t need me In the playground anyway. Just keep in with your own friends and move on.

ToniHargis · 19/05/2021 17:56

Remember the old Eleanor Roosevelt saying "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." They're not better than you.
If you're not working outside of the house, can you volunteer on something next year (probably too late for this year). I made some of my best friends that way.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/05/2021 17:57

This is just as mean as the awful cliquey mothers.
Care to explain exactly why?

KirstyPet · 19/05/2021 17:57

Hi , I’m not at that stage yet. But when I was younger we moved around a bit and I’m sure my mum encountered this. I’d say similar to what others have said and try and seek out someone who seems friendly. I wouldn’t bother with that group . There’ll be someone around who you can talk to. Perhaps you can try joining some clubs or getting more involved in the school if you like once things feel safer with the virus. What about organising a coffee morning? Bake sale to raise money. I’m sure you’ll find someone but you may have to be brave and take a step outside your comfort zone to , be a little bit more chatty if you can. Don’t ignore these women keep smiling at them but try not to get down when they don’t engage you in conversation. There’ll be plenty of other parents to talk to and maybe some new parents soon to! Hang on in there

Blacktothepink · 19/05/2021 17:59

Fuck them! Completely ignore them op, that’s what I done...didn’t bother talking to anyone, dropped off and picked up without acknowledging any of them!