Just realised how snobby & unfriendly the mums at dc's school are:(

[Jerseyshore12]

Bit of a background... My dc's are at a very good state school in an affluent area... Most parents at the school live in similar estates/houses however the level of snobbery is really making me miserable, I hate the school run... I try to be friendly, always smile, say hi, try to muster up conversation but they literally look at me like I'm something they walked on... I came home & cried this morning, I felt so belittled & worthless. If your face doesn't fit, you don't have a high flying career or not part of the PTA or another comittee you don't seem to get acknowledged... Thankfully we live in a lovely house & area, dc are super happy in the school, lots of friends & are flying with their schoolwork which really is the main thing... I guess I just need a few coping mechanisms to get me through the drop offs. Please be kind & if anyone has had any similar experiences please share.

[Divebar2021]

Some people certainly do hold onto feelings about this a long time.... such determination to show how unconcerned they are but the intensity and venom of the comments proving otherwise. How would anyone know who was “ top of the school”? Do some schools have league tables? I can’t even find out where my DD is in her class... our school just don’t do comparisons like that. I also can’t believe that getting into grammar school is that uncommon surely? There seems to be so much projection about a group of people you see for 10 minutes at the start and end of the day.

[Gothichouse40]

Paperback, I never called anyone on here a bitch. I was just relating experiences. Why the hostility?

[Magnificentbeast]

@Beamur

I think these groups are often unintentionally cliquey. It's just a bunch of parents who know each other and gravitate together for a chat. Kids are probably friends.
Get to know a few friendlier parents, help out with an event or two and hopefully the perceived snobbyness will go.
If not, just do you own thing and ignore them. It's not worth letting it get to you.

OP I think what @Beamur has written is sensible.
I find school run and the social etiquette of it awkward sometimes too. It can feel a bit cliquey but it is probably more a case of various groups who feel comfortable chatting end up doing so. I don't really think it's meant personally against others it ust feels that ways sometimes.

[muddymommy]

@jerseyshore12 Please don't see other peoples views or reactions as a reflection on yourself. You have said you have happy children and that is what matters.
For context, I was a single mum, older mum, always turned up in jodphurs and muddy boots at school and got so many filthy looks and snubs. I used to feel judged and rejected by the PTA/football mom types and it did hurt. My son knew the botanical names for most trees and plants by the time he was 10 and had an amazing knowledge of nature along with being an incredibly kind and caring boy.
My son won a place at one of the best grammar schools in the area and how it annoyed the bunch of stuck up twats that had blanked me!
It took me a while but I eventually realised that I wouldn't actually give most of them the time of day if we were not in a school setting.
My son is now in 6th form and flying high, secure that he is loved and a really happy young man.
I, on the other hand, still do not give a flying fuck that these shallow people are not part of my wonderful life!
Don't even say hello any more. Concentrate on you and your children. Be happy in yourself and happiness will find you x

[Tessabelle1]

Just stop bothering. They're totally inconsequential in your life and you'll never see them again once your kids leave the school! My kids old school was like this, the parents made me feel like I was back at school and getting bullied, at the new one I've just not bothered above saying hello and smiling at the other parents.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

oh you are grossly exaggerating and misunderstanding what I said.
so there's no point in me trying to explain further

[PaperbackRider]

How's your pub situation even remotely similar?they'd be strangers I'd have no reason to talk to

They ARE strangers with no reason to talk to! Even if they are parents of kids in your class (which is not the case, OP and others are talking about all parents in the school yard, they won't even know whose in what class), they are complete strangers to you.
So you popped out kids in the same year, so what? You think they owe you instant friendship. So so weird of you.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

How's your pub situation even remotely similar?
they'd be strangers I'd have no reason to talk to.

But when it comes to parents whose kids are in the same class as mine there's an expectation of being civilised to everyone, at least.
Some can't seem to do that.

but it's ok if neither of you get that.
I have no expectations here.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@PaperbackRider

there are certainly some cliquey peeps who will shut you out even if you do your best to befriend them. (insert shrugging shoulders emoji here)

Otherwise known as a group of friends who have no earthly idea why you are trying to insert yourself into them and don't owe you anything?
Do you seriously think they are the weird ones in that situation? Do you not get that it's you?

Honestly.
It'd be like going into a pub by yourself and claiming that the big group of people on the nearby tables were being excluding by not inviting you to join them.

[PaperbackRider]

there are certainly some cliquey peeps who will shut you out even if you do your best to befriend them. (insert shrugging shoulders emoji here)

Otherwise known as a group of friends who have no earthly idea why you are trying to insert yourself into them and don't owe you anything?
Do you seriously think they are the weird ones in that situation? Do you not get that it's you?

[GreyhoundG1rl]

I got the impression they just ignored her when and said hello, or looked at her like she had two heads for saying anything to them in the first place? Maybe I've misunderstood the situation, then.
Well obliviously I don't know that it didn't happen this way either.
It could have.
Just on the balance of probabilities it seems unlikely.
Most people have at least a smattering of the social graces and don't go out of their way to act like savages.
But who knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[GreyhoundG1rl]

I'm actually grateful that by them not being interested in getting to know me they essentially self-select them out of my life.
Struggling to get my head round that... 🤔

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

there are certainly some cliquey peeps who will shut you out even if you do your best to befriend them. (insert shrugging shoulders emoji here)
I don't have the time and/or energy to keep trying and I'm actually grateful that by them not being interested in getting to know me they essentially self-select them out of my life.
it's a brilliant, minimum effort default system🤣

luckily it seems that my vibe attracts my tribe.
we find each other and have the best of time.

[Cam2020]

I try to be friendly, always smile, say hi, try to muster up conversation but they literally look at me like I'm something they walked on...

This is where i got that impression from. If you're getting the vibe they're not interested, surely you don't bother anymore?

[G5000]

I smiled once or twice

Smiled once or twice, then declared everybody a bitch and made an effort to ignore them even when they talk to you. That sounds like a way to make friends indeed.

[Cam2020]

But saying Hello and then walking past to stand on your own elsewhere is not an attempt to engage, that's the whole point.

I got the impression they just ignored her when and said hello, or looked at her like she had two heads for saying anything to them in the first place? Maybe I've misunderstood the situation, then.

Not that I blame the other mums, either, they're just chatting with their friends. If I were looking for interaction with other mums, I'd start with other who were also on their own, rather than targeting an established group. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[adnilc]

Please watch Motherland, it will give you some clues on how to handle the school run 😁

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@Cam2020

If you have decided to stand there like a fence post, limit your effort to saying hi occasionally and expecting others to carry the conversation, or the weirdest one I've read on this thread, actively ignore everybody who is not making an actual effort to befriend you, then you have no right to call others bitches.

That might have been me that said that, in which case, what I said has been misunderstood. I meant, if people aren't receptive to the OP's attempts at engagement, then stop trying to engage those people, they clearly don't want it!

But saying Hello and then walking past to stand on your own elsewhere is not an attempt to engage, that's the whole point.

[Cam2020]

If you have decided to stand there like a fence post, limit your effort to saying hi occasionally and expecting others to carry the conversation, or the weirdest one I've read on this thread, actively ignore everybody who is not making an actual effort to befriend you, then you have no right to call others bitches.

That might have been me that said that, in which case, what I said has been misunderstood. I meant, if people aren't receptive to the OP's attempts at engagement, then stop trying to engage those people, they clearly don't want it!

[KeflavikAirport]

Some people on here have chips on their shoulders the size of a satellite dish.

[BeGreen]

@peaceanddove

It's totally unrealistic to expect other parents in the playground to pick up on the fact you're lonely or a bit lost. It just isn't their job or even their responsibility to do this. Why do you think they owe you anything more than a smile and a casual nod?

I agree, smile and nod is plenty. In my experience “school gate” friendships only start because your kid and their kid are friends, and even then it’s possible to get away with not being the other parent’s “friend” for ages, if at all.

People have other friends, family stuff, jobs, busy lives in general and don’t necessarily want a school gate friendship that’s not already someone they’re connected with.

Friendships happen organically and there has to be more than it than just seeing someone drop their kid off each day. That doesn’t make all these women bitches and cliquey because they aren’t interested in you, they don’t have the same need to make new friends like you want to.

[flyingfreehold2021]

@GreyhoundG1rl

Even during parties. I would sit and not even look at them
😂. What did you expect them to do?!

They could have said hi back when I initially did it, or now they are doing, as they want to find out which Tution my daughter goes to.. I didn’t have a problem with them ignoring me. I just happily ignoring them back now

[MsTSwift]

Agree with G5000. As my grandad used to say to have a friend you have to be a friend.

That said if you make an effort and are rebuffed it’s bad luck that the fates have not collided to help you find your tribe. All you can do is shrug and look for connections elsewhere.

When I was new in town with a toddler I literally went on the pull for friends at the local toddler groups 😁. Several rebuffs and cold shoulders later I struck gold and we have a great large local friendship group - the toddlers are now 15😁.

[flaminjo]

With respect OP, the issue is yours and not theirs

Why don't you go over, smile and say hi? Introduce yourself like a big girl

[GreyhoundG1rl]

Even during parties. I would sit and not even look at them
😂. What did you expect them to do?!