Manners - are there any you didn't know about until you were older?

[CheeseToastieLove]

Is there anything you didn't realise was bad manners until you were an adult. Things you weren't told when you were young? I didn't realise it was good manners to leave your alcohol at a party when you were leaving until I was in my late 20s. Always took my half full bottle home with me! Cringe. My friend was never taught it was bad manners to start eating before everyone's meals had arrived until she was in her 30s. She was always half finished before everyone had been served.

@ButtercupSquash

Some interesting posts on bread. I thought it was the norm in a lot of working class households for mother to cut and butter all the bread, at least at teatime, so nobody took too much butter. I think my grandmothers did that. Anyone else remember that?

On second thoughts, they used to butter and then cut the bread - apart from the first crust of course

These things are so deeply ingrained and can cause weird dynamics.

I was raised to say What? if I failed to hear someone. XH was raised to say What?! as an exclamation. So our conversations became quite frustrating with me saying

"The village post office got robbed today"
XH "What!"
Me. "THE VILLAGE POST OFFICE GOT ROBBED TODAY!"
XH. " Why are you telling me again?

Neither of us could seem to learn new communication pathways

@lockdownalli
That’s funny, but sad.
My DH still strikes fear into my heart when he starts a sentence with ‘By the way’ it always sounds to me like the beginning of a severe telling off.
Saying ‘pardon’ was to me one of the things infant teachers liked, but just didn’t happen in real life, along with saying ‘may’ instead of ‘can’ and ‘Joe and I’ instead of ‘Me and Joe’ and ‘my’ instead of ‘me’. Infant teachers also said weird things like ‘birds aren’t animals’ and ‘there’s no such word as can’t’. I was sceptical from the start.

@lockdownalli

These things are so deeply ingrained and can cause weird dynamics.

I was raised to say What? if I failed to hear someone. XH was raised to say What?! as an exclamation. So our conversations became quite frustrating with me saying

"The village post office got robbed today"
XH "What!"
Me. "THE VILLAGE POST OFFICE GOT ROBBED TODAY!"
XH. " Why are you telling me again?

Neither of us could seem to learn new communication pathways

Excellent point.

It's all in the tone of voice, which the other person may not pick up on.

Your post made me realize that it's quite common for people here to say "What!" as a short form of "what the fuck!" (being in the Bible Belt and all, we need euphemisms).

"My DH still strikes fear into my heart when he starts a sentence with ‘By the way’ it always sounds to me like the beginning of a severe telling off."

"Can I have a word?" is the one that strikes fear into me.

@ButtercupSquash, you've just reminded me of the ONLY thing that fascinated me about Great Expectations when I was about ten and read it first (largely baffled) -- the fact that Mrs Joe Gargery, Pip's angry older sister, slaps butter onto the cut face of the loaf, before cutting the slice off.

To me that was way weirder and more interesting than a transported convict turning a child who once helped him into a 'gentleman' or sitting about in your tattered wedding dress and one shoe in front of your mouldering wedding breakfast for decades after you were jilted.

"I remember being told when I was a child that the curtains closed during the day usually meant that there had been a bereavement in that household.☹️

We are talking of 50+ years ago though. 🤔"

It was a thing in the 80s at least. Basically if nobody had died, having the curtains closed during the day meant you were lazy and hadn't got up.

" I wore a cream trouser suit and black shirt and hat to a friend's wedding before. I will continue to ignore that one."

I wore a white skirt suit with a black top to a wedding as well, but I knew in advance that the bride was wearing a traditional bridal gown. I suppose in a second wedding in a registry office or something, the bride might be wearing a suit as well so it would be more of an issue.
That particular wedding was in the summer in Ireland and there were guests wearing black, which shocked me.

"double dipping - think of the bacteria you are putting in the dip people! "

Yes, but like I said it's common for friends to share bottles to drink from so also potentially coming into contact with each other's spit.
Eating peanuts from a shared bowl sort of does the same thing and the food festivals with free samples where you take tiny pieces of cheese with your fingers and then put your fingers back in.

@mermaidsariel

I hate it when people use the word bathroom instead of toilet. A bathroom has a bath in it!!

Yep. And some bathrooms don't have a toilet so what are you going to do? Didn't you watch the Two Ronnies sketch?

@mermaidsariel

I w realised recently that often when someone asks me if I would like something, they mean they want it themselves!

I'm realising it now! Obviously, I get it with something like pouring water or wine for the person next to you, never knew it was done for salt.

LittleBunnyTail
"What" sounds ruder for being a flat single syllable word.”

I think you are right about the sound itself of “what” possibly seeming abrupt and blunt because of the single syllable.

"@ButtercupSquash, you've just reminded me of the ONLY thing that fascinated me about Great Expectations when I was about ten and read it first (largely baffled) -- the fact that Mrs Joe Gargery, Pip's angry older sister, slaps butter onto the cut face of the loaf, before cutting the slice off."

I never even noticed it. I did find it odd that Pip had to call his sister by her title and surname.

I was pretty hurt by one guest wearing white to my wedding, I must admit. It's not necessary when there are so many other colours to wear.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I remember being told when I was a child that the curtains closed during the day usually meant that there had been a bereavement in that household.☹️

We are talking of 50+ years ago though. 🤔"

It was a thing in the 80s at least. Basically if nobody had died, having the curtains closed during the day meant you were lazy and hadn't got up.

These days it might be a cannabis factory.

@Grellbunt

I was pretty hurt by one guest wearing white to my wedding, I must admit. It's not necessary when there are so many other colours to wear.

Not everyone can afford a new outfit as well as travel, accommodation and gift. That was the case for me. Were you wearing a traditional bridal gown? Because if so, there is no risk of confusion is there?

It was definitely a new outfit, and a big fancy new hat! It was not a money issue.

@Grellbunt

It was definitely a new outfit, and a big fancy new hat! It was not a money issue.

But was there a chance of them being mistakes for the bride?

I was a bit miffed by a friend leaving our wedding before us. People don’t think of that anymore because the party can go on all night, but this was about 5pm.

That's not the point. It looks really odd and unbalanced in the photos as your eye is drawn to the side to the bright white outfit and huge white hat.

@Grellbunt

That's not the point. It looks really odd and unbalanced in the photos as your eye is drawn to the side to the bright white outfit and huge white hat.

But that's not the reason for not wearing white is it?

I thought the reason was not to draw attention away from the bride?

@Grellbunt

I thought the reason was not to draw attention away from the bride?

Sounds reasonable to me.

There's hardly going to be confusion is there given that everyone knows me and who I am?

@Grellbunt

There's hardly going to be confusion is there given that everyone knows me and who I am?

Not everyone involved might know you, staff at the hotel, for example.