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Original poster

50/50 contact with a newborn

122 replies

user365683 · 12/05/2021 07:36

A close friend of mine has just split with her partner (same sex.) They have a newborn baby. Her partner wants 50/50 contract right from the start meaning she is not with the baby 3 days a week. She has spoken to a solicitor who has said this sounds correct as they are 50/50 parents.

Am I being biased because she is my friend? I just feel we wouldn't take an animals baby away from it so soon. I have never heard of this happening with heterosexual couples normally the mother in the first few months at least has the majority of the contact.

OP posts:
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 12/05/2021 07:39

Is your friend breastfeeding?

Because that sounds barbaric/impossible and I agree if it was a husband demanding 50/50 with a newborn he would get short shrift.
Seems so disruptive and not at all in the babies best interest.

PegPeople · 12/05/2021 07:41

She has spoken to a solicitor who has said this sounds correct as they are 50/50 parents.

I think she's misunderstood somewhere along the lines. There's absolutely no way a solicitor would advocate for 50/50 contact for a newborn. The child needs to be with their primary care giver as that's in their best interest and that fact doesn't change because the parents are the same sex.

BertieBotts · 12/05/2021 07:42

The solicitor may not be familiar with the family court process? I would be surprised if they would rule 50/50 for a newborn. It's too disruptive to many things particularly breastfeeding. Even if they have both induced breastfeeding to feed the baby you can't just have a 3 day break when they are newborn - supply and demand doesn't work like that.

Little and often is normally right with newborns, and while they are 50/50 parents (so are heterosexual couples!) one parent is still the biological mother.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
user365683 · 12/05/2021 07:43

Unfortunately she is not breastfeeding because of this situation I think.

OP posts:
Girlonthego · 12/05/2021 07:44

How old is newborn? A week old is quite different to a three month old but still, even then it's still very early for baby to be away from mum for such a long stretch.

ChocOrange1 · 12/05/2021 07:44

No it doesn't seen right. A newborn baby needs to be with their biological mother the majority of the time.

Original poster
user365683 · 12/05/2021 07:45

Baby is 3 weeks old.

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 12/05/2021 07:46

No, it wouldn't be 50 50 in the first year it would not be in the best interests of the baby. Your friend needs to speak to a different solicitor

Herja · 12/05/2021 07:46

That doesn't sound at all right. I would strongly suggest she sees another solicitor (one with more experience in this area). I have never heard of 50/50 for a newborn - not because family court's think dads are shite, but because it's detrimental to the baby. That doesn't changed in a same sex couple.

GrumpyHoonMain · 12/05/2021 07:46

If she isn’t breastfeeding and her husband is used to caring for the baby from the beginning then yes the solicitor is correct. If, however, she doesn’t want 50/50 she can fight for it. Provided there aren’t any major issues against it on her side she is likely to get it too- courts do rule in favour of mums when it comes to newborns custody

paralysedbyinertia · 12/05/2021 07:47

I presume your friend is the one who has actually given birth? I don't think 50:50 is appropriate for a small baby.

BusyLizzie61 · 12/05/2021 07:49

Is the other person named on the bc? Did they use a clinic where both signed? Are they married?

Wishitsnows · 12/05/2021 07:49

Why does he want 50 50 at 3 weeks. Is it to hurt the mother or something? Why would he want to do something that is not right for the child or mother? Is he on the birth certificate? He sounds cruel.

PegPeople · 12/05/2021 07:50

@Wishitsnows

Why does he want 50 50 at 3 weeks. Is it to hurt the mother or something? Why would he want to do something that is not right for the child or mother? Is he on the birth certificate? He sounds cruel.
The OP clearly states the partner is also a women.
Original poster
user365683 · 12/05/2021 07:51

Yes my friend was the one who gave birth. Her ex is on the birth certificate and they are married. All done through a clinic so I think all legalities done properly.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 12/05/2021 07:51

@Wishitsnows

Why does he want 50 50 at 3 weeks. Is it to hurt the mother or something? Why would he want to do something that is not right for the child or mother? Is he on the birth certificate? He sounds cruel.
He’s a she. Same sex couple as stated in the OP.
BusyLizzie61 · 12/05/2021 07:51

@user365683

Unfortunately she is not breastfeeding because of this situation I think.
At 3 weeks it's perfectly plausible to start bfing and I would strongly advise her to.
Wishitsnows · 12/05/2021 07:54

Sorry, its early and I didn't see she. My thoughts don't change and her wife is cruel to expect this much contact at that age. It could potentially cause PND too.

BusyLizzie61 · 12/05/2021 07:55

I will be honest and say that my knowledge is primarily based on heterosexual couples, where 5050 with a newborn is as rare as hens teeth. Especially if breastfeeding.

I would advise liking at the solicitor Natalie Gamble who specialises in lgbtq community and donor conception issues. www.ngalaw.co.uk/meet-our-team/natalie-gamble

PegPeople · 12/05/2021 07:56

I really do think as others have said she needs to speak to another solicitor. The one she's spoken to either didn't explain themselves well enough or has absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

lanatolater2 · 12/05/2021 07:57

If at all possible, begin breastfed now. Because that could be a bargaining tool.

I'm not expert but I can't imagine a baby being away from its mother would be healthy in terms of attachment etc. Can contact not happen at home?

Flippanty · 12/05/2021 08:02

Absolutely not this would be cruel to do this to a newborn baby. Obviously ex-partner will want to bond but there are other ways of doing this without separating baby from its mother for half the week. E.g coming to house to visit, your friend could go for a nap or into a different room if there is a hostile dynamic between them. Ex can change nappies, give a bottle, take them out for walks in the pram etc.

50/50 custody would be very confusing and potentially damaging to baby’s attachment.

ConfusedAdultFemale · 12/05/2021 08:04

I’d advise your friend to get legal advice and refuse contact out with the home for a newborn. They need routine, stability and their primary carer not being passed from post to pillar.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 12/05/2021 08:05

It's about what is in the best interests of the child.
You friend needs to find a better solicitor.

thenewduchessofhastings · 12/05/2021 08:12

Please forgive me for asking the following as I'm not familiar with the legalities of a donor conceived baby with a single sex marriage but as the your friends estranged wife isn't the biological parent of the baby where does she stand?

I know you said the wife is named on the birth certificate but would she still have to adopt the baby?

I was also thinking that if a parent is allocated 9 months maternity leave then the UK has recognised that it's in the best interests of the baby to a parent around for the first 9 months to bond and establish a routine so wouldn't this be the same in the case of custody of such a young baby?

Also from a legal standpoint if your friends estranged wife decided to not have anything to do with the baby would she have to pay maintenance?

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