Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

Think about this 'joint decision'. What exactly did the 15 year old have to be so very happy about in the arrangement? There really doesn't sound to be much in it for a lone teen. Are you not projecting how YOU felt to be free?

I was left alone for the weekend at 15, from after school on Friday until I went to school on the Monday. I absolutely loved it. Having the house to myself, the freedom to sleep in if I wanted, feeling like a grown up. It was brilliant.

As an 80s/90s child it wouldn't have been normal then to any of the parents/children we knew.

Totally agree, definitely not the ‘norm’ with anyone I knew!

As a teenager this was common for me. My mum would go away for a few weeks and I was left money to shop and take care of myself. I was admittedly mature for my age and it was over 20 years ago (how times have changed!) but I’m shocked by all the “safeguarding” talk in here. A 14/15 year old is well able to look after themselves. A century ago they were regarded as an adult.

No chance, never ever

I have a 14 year old who I would say is far more mature than I was even in my mid 20's. We set her no screen time limits, she decides her one bedtimes and is trusted to make meals for herself. She is wise enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour, she gets herself up and away to school without our input and has never, ever let us down.

Still wouldn't leave her for a week. A night? Maybe. Not a week.

@Youarecountingonme

Of course not, social services would be called, and I would expect them to remove any child left overnight under the age of sixteen.

The OP could clearly take care of herself.

So what do you expect SS to do especially when in some areas there are stories of them giving homeless 15 year olds tents to live in?

BTW my nephew who was left home alone at that age, mum did and still works in safeguarding. The hospital and her work knew he was staying home alone overnight with relations and neighbours popping in regularly to keep an eye on him.

I'd have loved that when I was 15. Mind you I'd probably have got pregnant within about a week!!!

For a full week no I wouldn't. Overnight, and under the circumstances you describe - possibly? I don't think my kids would be ready for that, but they're only 12.

I stayed at home for a week at 16 (1998ish) because I didn't want to go on holiday with my family. It was fine. I spent it shagging my boyfriend.

My brother did this with his15 year old daughter. Went on holiday to Spain. With a strict understanding that no parties should take place. He and his partner came back a week later to see the fireman damping down their kitchen extension which had been destroyed by fire. Apparently although there had not been a party... there had been a soiree..... In this soiree the 15/16 year old attendees thought it would add to the atmosphere if candles were lit and placed on wooden work surfaces. I would not do this OP.

I was left for a week at 14 with older brother,16, whilst parents went abroad. He was abusive to me physically, verbally and there was sexual stuff as well.

I’m ambivalent about how I feel about them leaving me. This is because I could at least escape to the neighbours when brother was being violent with me. I didn’t feel I could do this when my mother was around and she didn’t stop him.

Parents were massively irresponsible doing this. My mother knew how he treated me and hid it from my father throughout my childhood. I was far more mature than brother (I do not say my btw as I have nothing to do with him now). He had a party and I had to talk a boy out of raping me. Very scary stuff. Frightened in my own Homs. Loads of gatecrashers and damage to the house. Guess who also cleared up??

I don’t think it ever occurred them to talk to him about protecting me.

I also think it was rubbish but young teens were more frequently left in the past than now. Doesn’t mean it was safer then.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I was left alone for a week when I was 16 (and loved it) but that was 20 years ago and probably not ideal.

Same, I was 15. My aunty came to check on me now and then. I was devastated when my parents and younger siblings came back as the house was instantly a mess and noisy again lol.

I was a responsible party hating introvert though. So I guess it depends on the maturity of the child in question.

I'm one of those people who are amazed by the other extremes on this thread. OP - a week at that age is too long. And more importantly, by both your parents going with your sibling they were sending a clear signal that you didn't need them when it would have made far more sense for you to have had one with you, helping you to find/enjoy the things you loved, while the other went with your sibling (and as someone who grew up with sporty siblings, who all played at county level, I can testify to the value of parents who did not discriminate against their ONE child who wasn't).

But all the shock that a 16 year old might be left at home alone for a night? Just bizarre. I worry a lot about the way so many children are not being encouraged to learn independence.

I remember being 14 and had a friend of the same age. Her parents went to Tenerife for a week at Christmas and left her in the house alone. It still horrifies me now to think about it.

To be fair what is considered acceptable has changed over time. At 13 I was considered capable of babysitting other people's children. At 14 I went on a 9 day UK cycling holiday with friends, staying in Youth Hostels. No mobile phones, we called from a pay phone when we remembered. At 15 I cycled round France with my sister, again staying in hostels. At 16 I left home and lived completely independently. I didn't have a phone, so pretty much never spoke to my parents. I wasn't neglected, I was taught life skills young and was happy to be independent. As kids when we got locked out, we carefully broke a window to get in, then measured up the pane, cycled to a hardware store and bought glass, nails, putty, and paint and repaired it. My parents never found out.
Obviously there is a happy medium. I worry that we are raising a generation of children to be scared and over reliant.

I would be really worried to drop my 17/18 year old at Uni to live alone, or share a house if they never had been left alone in the past! Now that's a scary thought.

As long as you are responsible for their well being, you can legally make a 16 year old move out of your home, they can travel to Scotland to get married without parental permission.

But you can't leave them home alone?
You can't hold the hand of a child through their life and just push them out and expect them to be ready the day of their birthday!

You build it up. How else do they learn?

and the embarrassment of parents paying for a babysitter at 15!

I don't think I would have been bothered myself, but I've always enjoyed my own company and it never bothered me being home alone, still doesn't, in fact, I like the peace!

I was 18 and working full time when my parents and siblings went abroad. There was a lot of consternation at leaving me home alone but they didn't fucking ask me on the holiday so it's not like I was being obstinate. They wanted me to board with the local fucking convent. I point blank refused, saying I wasn't a dog they could kennel and that I'd move out and get my own place if they had no trust in me - but they didn't want that either.

Parties were never my thing anyway, and I remember my old school principal turning up at 10pm - I was actually having an early night (alone!) which was utterly disbelieved until I proved it to her. They asked loads of other neighbours to keep an eye - way to advertise a lone female teen in an isolated house to the several creepy men in the village

and the "it's safe during the day because they are awake and alert".

A TEENAGER? Awake and alert in the morning? 😂
I'd bet on them being a lot more alert at 3am than at 11am.

No not a week or overnight at that age .

@motherloaded

and the "it's safe during the day because they are awake and alert".

A TEENAGER? Awake and alert in the morning? 😂
I'd bet on them being a lot more alert at 3am than at 11am.

haha, yes ,this. Also, I think a teenager is far more likely to instinctively understand/expect the dangers at night. eg, I could easily see DS happily opening the front door without checking at 11am but he'd be far more cautious at 9pm.

My mum used to leave us overnight if she got called out (she was a nurse) from when I was about 14 and my sister was 11. While not ideal she didn’t have much choice as no family nearby, she couldn’t have afford childcare even if she could get it in the middle of the night. That was about 2003. I think it was ok in hindsight as we were both sensible and mature but certainly not more than one night.

My gps had left home and had their first baby (of 12) at 16. Not ideal! though v successful marriage and parenting. Mature way beyond our understanding.

Their parents had been evicted in Ireland and slept under the hedges from 9. I guess they didn't think leaving home at 16 etc didn't seem so bad in comparison. A g aunt emigrated to US at 15.

My aunts/uncles all in the factory at 13. ( Though gm above used to take eldest d every morning as she was frightened to cross city alone in the dark.) All personable and successful in adulthood and very supportive of each other.

My father at factory at 11 !

I wouldn't recommend these sorts of baptisms of fire but it does show how capable some youngsters can be.

OP I have a sporty younger child who needs ferrying about the country and an older child who’s bright but doesn’t need the same amount of ferrying about . Only at a very young age do you all go together and drag one along … as they get older then it becomes a balance . I do most of the sports ferrying about now and my husband does stuff with my older son. Sometimes we all go together , sometimes the younger one misses a competition on offer so that we all do stuff together or because the older one has something on. We have two kids - that means we all sometimes compromise … the younger one really doesn’t like getting dragged to museums that the older loves ! Never though would I consider leaving the older one home alone for anymore than a couple of hours (he’s 13) and don’t imagine I’d leave anyone over night under 16. What happened to you wasn’t fair regardless of anyone’s opinion on safety

Errr - yes? 14/15 is old enough to be at a boarding school and travel alone so if it's a "standard" normally behaved youngster I would have zero issues. Surely you can have regular calls/messages, and if anything goes wrong they can get in touch.

But it seems I am in a minority here :-D

When I was 16 I went on holiday with my friends for a week. My parents started to leave me at home too although I think I was 17 before it was a full week.
14 home alone would be absolutely no, 15 almost 16 might be ok depending on the teen.

I got left for a week when i was 15. Only child. Parents went to wales. I got left in London.

Loved it.

Would NOT do it to one of mine!