Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

There’s a big difference between just turned 14 and almost 16. I was left alone a lot, in the day (school hols and weekends etc) from 11. Then overnights from 14and 15 and then for 2 weeks when I was 16 (late 80s early 90s). I moved out when I was 16 and it was completely normal to do this. All my friends had similar treatment. No one would have batted an eyelid. I do think it’s a little unfair to judge parents on what was considered culturally normal then (like smoking during pregnancy and smacking - my parents did both of those too).

I would absolutely hope my dc are mature enough to be left alone for the odd night when they are 15.

For everyone saying it was 'different' in the 80s. Why? Do you really think nothing awful happened in those times?

In the 70s when I was a baby it was normal at the holiday camps my parents went to to leave me asleep in our chalet with a handkerchief tied round the door knob and the door unlocked so a ‘listening service’ could check on me and go in if they heard crying. Now, in the wake of Madeleine McCann my parents shudder. But everyone was doing it there and it was billed as a selling point of the holiday camp.

Hah. My mum went on honeymoon with her 3rd husband and left me at home at that age!

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

At 14 they should know what to do in case of fire, theft , intrusions, burst pipe etc- let’s face it we’d all be a bit panicked in those situations. A 14 can deal with it just the same as I would.

You'd be ok with your sleeping 14 year old having to deal with a burglary in the middle of the night? With the intruders potentially drugged up and violent? You think a 14 year old could deal with this in the same way that an adult could (and wouldn't be at any additional risk of being violently or sexually assaulted once the intruders realised they were alone in the house)?

No one would be "ok" with that.

Burglaries happen just as much during the day as the middle of the night. (around here, they mainly happened during the day as people are less likely to be home, and it's just as scary for the homeowner!)

So what, you NEVER leave your 14 year old alone ever, just in case?

As an 80s/90s child it wouldn't have been normal then to any of the parents/children we knew.

Your parents had 2 children. OK, your sibling was talented and had a need to go on some sort of training holidays. This didn't negate your need to have love, care, basic safety provided for by your parents.

An obvious solution is that one parent went with your sibling and one stayed at home with you.

Parents of a gifted and talented child have a responsibility to make sure ALL their children feel equally loved and have the same opportunities to develop, express themselves, spend time with their parents.

I'm sorry yours didn't do this for you

My parents made me stay with an elderly local family friend when I was 16/17. When I was 18+ I was finally allowed to stay home.

So sorry that you are feeling like this as it comes up during therapy.

I was cat sitting at the age of 15 and staying in my aunties house alone. Same with my Nans cat and her house, but I could also cook for myself...

It’s definitely not ok.

OP, I don’t understand why one of your parents didn’t stay with you. Why did both need to go to your sisters events and therefore compromise prioritising your feelings and interests too?

Please don’t focus on the fact you refused to go places or behaved like a brat. You were the child and you were entitled to attention from your parents as much as your sibling was. It’s very hard to examine the past and accept our parents were less than perfect. This doesn’t have to define your future relationship with them but do process it honestly and from the perspective of a 14 yr old child who deserved to have her needs met. It’s not too late to stand up for yourself.

Burglaries happen just as much during the day as the middle of the night. (around here, they mainly happened during the day as people are less likely to be home, and it's just as scary for the homeowner!)

So what, you NEVER leave your 14 year old alone ever, just in case?

At least during the day the child is likely to be awake and alert and can contact a trusted adult/the police to let them know what is happening.

There have been cases of teenage children waking up with intruders in their bedrooms who are only scared off when their screams alert the rest of the household:

www.irishexaminer.com/news/courtandcrime/arid-40073555.html
www.thesun.co.uk/news/11623385/kansas-intruder-enters-home-watches-sleeping-teen-girl/

God knows what would have happened to those children if they'd been sleeping alone in the house and hadn't been able to wake their parents up quickly.

not for a week no-thinik i stayed alone from 16 and that was just a weekend

My mum and dad left me from 15 for a weeks holiday. They were still in the country (never went abroad). I had a great time. Had a friend to stay with me most nights. Fed myself, and survived to tell the tale.

Would I leave my ds alone when he gets to 15? Well he's nearly 13 and can barely wipe his own arse without my help, so probably not.

No. Even with a sensible child there’s still too much that could go wrong. Too many variables.

Please don’t focus on the fact you refused to go places or behaved like a brat

This times a million. You sound like a normal child trying to communicate with her parents that you desperately needed attention and love from them.

Their response was to tell you that you were bratty, less important than your sibling and leave you at home.

I honestly remember being that age. The ones resenting their parents were the ones never left home alone .

My dad left me alone overnight from 15/16 as he often had to work away overnight. I’ve never, ever thought it was neglectful! I was quite capable of looking after myself for the night and getting to school on time.

OP I must be about the same age as you and I used to do the same to my parents about going on holiday. I hated it so they eventually let me stay at home. It depends how you feel about it and how sensible you feel you were.
4 of my friends went on a 2 week holiday to Spain when they were 16. No way would I have been allowed to do that.

No.

Ha! This is one of those things that used to happen years ago! My older sibling was left in overall charge of the younger ones, including myself, at age 15 for five days and nights during one school summer holiday. Me as a 10-year old looked after younger (8 + 6) during the day while big sibling worked in a local shop, while our parents went to Italy as part of some civic event! This was in the ‘70’s though, and Grandmother visited daily to check we were all OK! Different times, and we were all absolutely fine...

Of course not, social services would be called, and I would expect them to remove any child left overnight under the age of sixteen.

@Youarecountingonme

Of course not, social services would be called, and I would expect them to remove any child left overnight under the age of sixteen.

Planet MN at its best

[quote rookiemere]@motherloaded - there's a huge difference between a 14/15 year old being given appropriate independence- so we'd happily leave DS 15 home alone for a few hours - and leaving them overnight. It's highly unlikely to happen but we were once nearly burgled and the police came to our door at 2 am, I wouldn't expect a 15 year old to have to deal with that situation alone.[/quote]
We were nearly burgled when I was a teen. My mum went out shopping and a few minutes later the front door opened again - he'd clearly been watching the house. He scarpered when I came to the top of the stairs thankfully! And it was premobile phone so I have clear memories of thinking "..now what?" and then calling my uncle. By the time my mum got home I'd already talked to police :D

It was about 11AM. These things can happen at any time of day. Having the skills to at least know who to call is the important bit.

not a chance. irresponsible.

No. I was left home with my brother when I was 17 and he was 15 - it was only for a weekend.
It was about 7 in the evening and a guy knocked on my door trying to sell tea towels. I said I wasn't interested in. The man got angry with me and put his foot in the door and called me a 'fat bitch' and other obscenities.
I was terrified. I managed to close the door on him.
I didn't know if to call the police because I didn't want to get my parents in trouble for not being there.
I did eventually call the police and pretended I was 18. They caught the guy as he was going house to house.
I had literally begged my parents to leave me home alone and convinced them how capable I was. But in reality it's not about my actions that were the problem but what others could do to me.

I was 16 in 1988 and was left alone while my parents went on holidays abroad from age 15. From 13/14 was left for full days but not overnight. I don't remember being bothered but we had a bad relationship, I left home at 18.
I had a child in the 90's and would leave her home alone while I was at work for a couple of hours but not full days or overnight.
I have a 13 year old now and left her home alone all day occasionally in lockdown while I was at work because I had to but I wouldn't want to leave her for any length of time volunterilly, certainly not overnight any time soon.

Someone did that near me

Police got called. She had to go in for an interview and social services got invoked the same day the police found out.

The woman had gone away for a sunny holiday for 10 days!

I think it’s horrific. And exactly what happened to that child here should happen to every single child….