Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

No. No way. For a day yes but a week absolutely not. Too risky even if they/you think they’re mature enough.

No

Hth

I was left for two weeks age 16. I was very sheltered but I loved it! I knew how to cook, I could get public transport. I was in school every weekday, so not up to any mischief.

No! Even a 16 year old is pushing it IMHO despite what many people on MN think about 16 year olds being adults.

For everyone saying it was 'different' in the 80s. Why? Do you really think nothing awful happened in those times?

I don't think anyone is saying that. They're saying that there was a different perception of what levels of independence might be expected of a 14 or 15 year old, and that risk perception varied accordingly.

I was 15 in 1985, and I used to cycle to and from my job in the shop of a late night petrol station, hitch lifts to see friends on other towns, and had been babysitting since I was 12. I doubt my parents even knew which subjects I was choosing at school, and two years later, there was certainly no question that they would be accompanying me to university open days.

My parents never left me at home alone for a week, but I certainly stayed for a week or ten days, aged 14 with a friend of the same age whose parents used to go off to charismatic Christian camps and leave her at home with some of her younger siblings -- and no neighbours as it was in the middle of the countryside. I'm not even sure they had a phone.

A friend who is slightly younger was reminiscing yesterday about how she and her sisters were sent to stay with cousins on a farm when they were aged between 10 and 12, and how the mother of the cousins 'suffered with her nerves' and spent most of the time lying down, while the girls (my friend, her sisters and cousins) daily prepared, served and cleared up dinner and tea for eight, including the farm workers, for the three weeks of their stay.

Whatever you think of the norms of the past, today's 14 or 15 year olds are psychologically younger in many ways.

I stayed alone at that age, so did many of my friends.
If I couldn't trust my child to be left alone at 15, I would be worried I am raising them really wrong!

It was different in the 80s (even if that was before my time), now we have internet, text, whatsapp.. you can be in constant contact, it is so much easier and safer to leave a teenager alone!

The way you were left alone was neglect because even if you were on your own you should have had at least one responsible adult nearby that you know you could call on and they would have called to check on your welfare.

I was left home alone at that age but I had an adult brother and SIL who lived less than a mile away who called on me or I called on them.

One of my nephews stayed home alone at that age around 2009 due to illness. However it was his choice as when he was younger he stayed with a relation who lived a few streets away. He also ended up with a relation visiting him everyday because I told them he was home alone plus he had neighbours, he known since babyhood, keeping an eye on him.

@MisfitNotMissFit

I'm amazed at some of the responses on here! Not leaving NT teenagers for more than a couple of hours, or not after 8pm. Especially nowadays where everyone is contactable at a moment's notice.

I am literally gobsmacked!

Yep, so am I. My grandmother had left home, school and was in service at 14. My grandfather went to war, albeit illegally, at 16. Girls have babies at 16 as single parents. 16 used to be school leaving age until just 5-6 years ago, some kids would have been thrown out of the home at that point to support themselves. Most kids are more savvy and better connected than my grandparents were at same age. And no the world is not more dangerous than it was then.

Kids need to learn to be independent. How will they manage if you don’t give them chance to gain confidence in a relatively “secure” environment in their own home. Especially with mobile phones.

I’d be more worried about them throwing a party and putting it on social media and trashing the house- but that is all part of building trust and respect so they don’t do that.

Yes, a whole week is maybe a bit much, but a weekend - yes. I’d consider it my duty as a parent to let them stay by themselves to build confidence

If you don’t do that yes they end up scared, or not being able to cope.

At 14 they should know what to do in case of fire, theft , intrusions, burst pipe etc- let’s face it we’d all be a bit panicked in those situations. A 14 can deal with it just the same as I would. Provided you don’t wrap them up in cotton wall and helicopter them.

I’m shocked at some of these replies - you are not letting your kids grow up to live independently

There's a balance to be struck, and some of the parents on this thread are going way too far in the other direction imo.

Being left for a week at 14 is neglect, not allowing your 15 year old in the house alone after 8pm is babying them.

What I find scary is how many posters are shocked at the idea of leaving a 15 year old alone, and worst call it "neglect".

Mind you, I know some teens who have NEVER gone to school/home alone at that age. "Mummy" (it's usually mummy) always drive, so no one really notices that a teen is not even trusted to come back from school at that age.
Isn't that frightening?

The context of the actual OP is a bit different, clearly family issues here.

You have to worry about how little prepared some kids are nowadays.

No I would't. And I don't think I am over-protective

My parents didn’t go away and leave us until I was 17 - I had an older sister who was 19. The next door neighbours checked in on us every day and my aunts and uncles all popped in and claimed they were passing by!!

I don’t think the problem was the week alone. I think the issue is that you are not aware of any compensation for the time your parents had devoted to your sibling. Did they go away with her for a week and then next holiday do something for you?

I left home at 16 (much to everyone’s relief) and was left alone at home while my parents travelled before then so I’m not so shocked by you spending week alone. How did you feel about it at the time?

Op I was also 14/15 in 2005 and my mum would work away for the weekend and leave me alone. I had plenty of food and money and I always had a friend stay too. I was absolutely fine.

My mum says she looks back and cringes that she did it but quite honestly it wasn’t a big deal. I was mature for my age and mostly just stayed in with my friend. My next door neighbour was always made aware and I lived in a quiet village. I suppose something could have happened but it would be that somebody had broken in my twice locked front and back door, in which case, I don’t think it would have mattered to much if my mum was at home, it still would have happened.

I wouldn’t worry too much about this if you are comfortable with it. What’s important is how you have interpreted it.

I think it’s ok. I actually think you have a bigger problem if you can’t trust a 14/15 year old to be left alone at home.

At 14 they should know what to do in case of fire, theft , intrusions, burst pipe etc- let’s face it we’d all be a bit panicked in those situations. A 14 can deal with it just the same as I would.

You'd be ok with your sleeping 14 year old having to deal with a burglary in the middle of the night? With the intruders potentially drugged up and violent? You think a 14 year old could deal with this in the same way that an adult could (and wouldn't be at any additional risk of being violently or sexually assaulted once the intruders realised they were alone in the house)?

Never

I didn’t want to go with them as they would take my sibling on higher education/advanced learner holidays. It was horrendously boring and I resented it so would make a fuss about going.

Hmmmmm, bit of a mammoth drip feed there!

Sounds like you made it quite unpleasant for your sibling ....

OP sounds like you had a hard time. FWIW we have a v sporty child whose commitments are increasingly far flung/time consuming - but one of us goes with her and the other stays at home. because we have 2 children.

Would I do it now? No way. The non-sporty sibling would hold a rave.

No, too young. I left my DDs overnight for one night when they were 16 and 18 because I had to go to my mum's funeral in the Netherlands. If my mum had died a year earlier, I'd have arranged for an adult to be with them.

A week at that age is insane.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I was left alone for a week when I was 16 (and loved it) but that was 20 years ago and probably not ideal.

Same

No.
A day, all day or an evening that's it.

Sixteen yes, fourteen or fifteen no, not for a week.

I'm pretty free- range, but no. I'd leave 16+ alone for a few nights occasionally as I was while my dad was working abroad (honestly I don't see that teenagers home alone has somehow got more dangerous in the last 25 years). But 14 for a week is a bridge too far.

@treesmight

It was around 2005 I think it would have been.

Then no that’s not acceptable. I had not long started teaching at secondary and if you had told me this I would’ve passed this info onto the safeguard team.