Solicitors put DH name first.

[Tullyjune]

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

@G5000

Sometimes I have in excess of 120 cases, if I don’t have a system it makes filing and finding file a little more complicated. I dictate my letters for a secretary to type, it goes to a pool of secretaries so the chances are the client will never have spoken to them.

Where the hell do you live, in 1950s? I would suggest you update your case management system, if it's unable to find a file if you don't know who the first named person is. I can send you some suggestions for providers.

We still have to have paper files in property as the documents for registration require wet ink signatures. If you don’t like that I suggest you appeal to the Land Registry. It’s beyond my pay role.

And yes law is a little 1950’s still... as they say don’t hate the player, hate the game. Your anger at me is misdirected.

I don't actually see how it's easier to file by man's name as opposed to alphabetically. If you have a client on the phone about Brown/Jones file, wouldn't it be easier to look for Brown instead of asking which one of them has a penis?

Quite right too. Men’s name is always first. Don’t know why it has to be that way. I’m sure it doesn’t , probably a throw back to days when only men could own property and later women were ‘added’. I guess you challenge it and state that your name comes first Please , thank you very much.

I had it when dealing with a lettings agent for some new business premises. I was the point of contact but he constantly put things in DH's name. Absolutely fucked me right off.

I worked entirely with men and none of them could work out why I was so angry about it. Until I turned it around for them, dealing with a person but constantly getting a reply back to their uninvolved partner.
Also it was either lazy, misogynistic or showed a lack of attention to basic details that was worrying.
None of those are good qualities when dealing with people professionally.

In the end we rented different, much better located premises, from a normal (male) human who was great to deal with.

The other agent tried to increase the price. And was told where to go.

@G5000

I don't actually see how it's easier to file by man's name as opposed to alphabetically. If you have a client on the phone about Brown/Jones file, wouldn't it be easier to look for Brown instead of asking which one of them has a penis?

It’s not difficult to determine which one has a penis, over the course of my career I’ve been able to deduce that in every instance without any mistakes. That has saved the embarrassment of having to ask. I’m surprised you think reaching the conclusion of who has a penis is especially challenging.

You might not see it - it’s a system I have chosen for ease and efficiency. If I move firms and have an opportunity to reinvent my filing system without confusing the status quo I will definitely consider alphabetically as that does sound sensible.

@Campervan69

I'm a conveyancer and have always put the women's names first when I draft documents. Tiny acts of feminism. Solidarity sister.

Yes!

I agree with the OP that it is wrong. You could of course ask them what do they do when two women or two men are buying a property, just to make a point and embarrass them.

I can't believe some posters think this is something to shrug over

OP the point of contact, but they decide to put his name first. It's the fact that it's done so unconsciously and without any thought that makes it so wrong!

If the husband was the point of contact then that would be different. But you literally cannot get a legal firm taking your money to see you as a person, a client, an earner. How does this not bother people. Weird.

It’s not difficult to determine which one has a penis

OK if you say so. I think I would need to specify, if I was told I need the file of Blake Jones and Ashvini Khatri..
I'm a lawyer, been for many years, never had the need to put men's names first, especially in cases like so many in this thread, where the man has actually little to nothing to do with it.

This gives me the rage. I was the point of contact for all our house sales as my DH is uncontactable during the day. He constantly got voicemails from them, which I would have to deal with the next day.

The one time they got through to him to ask a question he replied with "I have no idea about any of this, always ask Mrs Crab". And yet....they continued to go to him first.

@dinohat

They don’t have our titles. I have only spoken to them on the phone, I’ve not filled in any forms yet. I phoned them up, got a quote, asked them questions, phoned them back and instructed them and paid them £400. They then asked who the other party was and I said “Richard June”. We could be Dr and Rev or Prof and Sir for all they know.

Then first form to arrive is titled “Richard June and Anna June” still no titles. So it’s not because the software puts Mr first automatically. It’s deliberate, it would be completely unacceptable if someone had a system where they put a white sounding name before an ethnic one in every case to make their filing easier.

I would indeed like them to “dick about” with getting the names in order, to acknowledge that as the main correspondence and person who has paid the deposit and instructed them to work on our behalf, that I should be addressed first on emails and forms being sent to me. Then I would like them to get on with the work I am paying them a lot of money to do.

I always put the mans first I know where to look first when I’m looking for their file

Surely an alphabetic system would make more sense? Why have you chosen to always put the mans name first?

@G5000

It’s not difficult to determine which one has a penis

OK if you say so. I think I would need to specify, if I was told I need the file of Blake Jones and Ashvini Khatri..
I'm a lawyer, been for many years, never had the need to put men's names first, especially in cases like so many in this thread, where the man has actually little to nothing to do with it.

Your system would only address OP’s complaint if, the main point of contact was also always the first alphabetically. So it’s still not perfect.

I can assure you it’s not been difficult to determine the penis holder but have has a good giggle that you find that so difficult to believe and think I might have had to ask! As if asking would be ever be appropriate.

I’m pleased that you are content with how you address clients. I’m not claiming my system is perfect - I have just provided some context and as I said, an alternative view.

Can’t please everyone.

Quite right too. Men’s name is always first

I'm hoping you're being sarcastic?!

The school always calls me regarding the DCs and expects me to help on trips etc. Even though I work nights so my DH does at least 50% of the school runs.

We call in order of contact list, which is completed by the parents in admission. So there are 3 or 4 contacts. We. All contact 1 first and work,our way down.

Although we have just as many dads doing drop off and pick up (and school trip volunteers) as mums nearly always mum is contact 1. But that is the parents who have written it that way. We aren't making the assumption.

@DelBocaVista

I always put the mans first I know where to look first when I’m looking for their file

Surely an alphabetic system would make more sense? Why have you chosen to always put the mans name first?

Just followed from Mr and Mrs and made sense to me.

I’ve said above that alphabetically is definitely a sensible alternative. Thank you for the suggestion. I’m not going to die on the cross to defend my filing system. It’s just what I’ve done to date.

Your system would only address OP’s complaint if, the main point of contact was also always the first alphabetically. So it’s still not perfect.

At least that would make sense and is logical rather than just blatant everyday sexism.

@Abraxan

The school always calls me regarding the DCs and expects me to help on trips etc. Even though I work nights so my DH does at least 50% of the school runs.

We call in order of contact list, which is completed by the parents in admission. So there are 3 or 4 contacts. We. All contact 1 first and work,our way down.

Although we have just as many dads doing drop off and pick up (and school trip volunteers) as mums nearly always mum is contact 1. But that is the parents who have written it that way. We aren't making the assumption.

I purposely put DH as first contact - they still phone me and didn't add him to the email or text system until he phoned them and requested to be added.

@DelBocaVista

Your system would only address OP’s complaint if, the main point of contact was also always the first alphabetically. So it’s still not perfect.

At least that would make sense and is logical rather than just blatant everyday sexism.

Always looking to do my fellow females a great disservice whilst going about my daily business

I think it’s more likely I’ve inherited a filing system from my days of training and being an assistant myself and have never questioned it, on the basis of it works for me. rather than actively set about to commit sexism.

I’m not going to die on the cross to defend my filing system. It’s just what I’ve done to date.

I guess we're very different. If I thought any aspect of my professional practice perpetuated sexism I'd be changing it pretty sharpish.

2 /3 banks I use have changed my name to a double barreled on with my DH. I only use my maiden name. Different country to OP but still fucked me off.

The tax office did something similar but worse and merged our accounts into his. My taxes are a nightmare and a fortune his are simple and end up with a tax return. Fucking cheek. And I did tell them. Got another tax number now and all my previous tax statements have been returned to it which the man claimed was impossible.

@G5000

I don't actually see how it's easier to file by man's name as opposed to alphabetically. If you have a client on the phone about Brown/Jones file, wouldn't it be easier to look for Brown instead of asking which one of them has a penis?

This!!!

We had this when we bought our house.

I was dealing with the Estate Agent, the solicitor...it was Dr Fluffy and Mr Partner (as we weren't married at that point).....

My Surname is also higher up the alphabet than his... as is my first name. So - there is literally NO reason to put his name first.

Yet on all correspondence - his name was first, when the Estate agents phoned MY phone, they asked to speak to him (even though he'd had nothing to do with the purchase). The mortgage offer came through as 'Miss' and I said that the details were wrong and we weren't going to be going ahead unless they changed it.

Worse still, was when we remortgaged - this chap came out, looked over the house, said to me 'So does your Husband work in a hospital?' I replied 'No, he works in IT, why?' ...

'So who is Dr Fluffy? There's only two people on the mortgage'

'That would be me...'

Total silence for 30 seconds until he had the good grace to apologise profusely.

We're looking to sell in 3-4 years and I'll be dealing with all of it again - I've already decided which Estate Agents we won't be dealing with due to their sexist attitudes.

I think it’s more likely I’ve inherited a filing system from my days of training and being an assistant myself and have never questioned it, on the basis of it works for me. rather than actively set about to commit sexism.

It doesn't matter if it's conscious or not! It's still sexism.
Don't let your unconscious biases impact on your professional practice. Challenge behaviour and practices which perpetuate inequality.
Don't use 'that's how we've always done it' as an excuse.