Solicitors put DH name first.

[Tullyjune]

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

I've worked for law firms all of my working life and this doesn't surprise me one bit. As far as case management systems are concerned they don't automatically process the man's name first-it is the way in which the clients' information is initially input by the person who sets it up. What they should do is ask who the primary contact is and their name should come first.

Oh, and most of the law firms I have worked for are all jumping on the Stonewall/LGBT/trans/rainbow wagon and yet as a profession it remains institutionally sexist

@Melitza

I went to a Ford dealership to buy myself a new car. The salesman told me to come back with my dh. I told him I had no intention of coming back at all after that remark.

It's not just Ford - Vauxhall do it too! I had to explain that there's no Mr Romanova, I make all the money & all the decisions... I decided to buy a Hyundai

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

Would you expect a person of colour to continue to put up with micro aggressions. These disrespectful acts lead to bigger disrespectful acts.

@Hanidjed7

I'm out. I'm sorry. This is the epitome of daft.

I don't care if it's me or my husband first. Most couples don't care!
Only here on Mumsnet.

In life's issues, it's not a biggie.

And this! This is why people slowly and quietly sleepwalk into less rights. Thank god for those who can multitask.

I’ve just done some anti racism training about this type of thing. They are called micro aggressions and were explained as being like mosquito bites. And how one mosquito bite is slightly annoying but no big deal but that for some people they are bitten and bitten and bitten and at that point the bites become an endless major problem. My (multi national FTSE 100) employer is paying for every member of staff to spend an hour being educated on how these “minor things” do matter.

My example of this is that I am involved in a sport at grass roots level. (My kids compete.) It is well known that there is a shortage of women and girls doing this sport at all levels. There are constant things about how we can get more girls in for kids. Recently I was involved in organising a kid’s event. This is in the details:-

“Throughout these regulation, the pronouns he and him etc are intended to be inclusive of both men and women. It is important in XXXXX sport, as elsewhere, that men and women have equal status and opportunity.”

Totally agree OP. I've closed all our accounts with Halifax because of this issue. They actually gave me £25 because I complained but nothing changed. Their defence is they put names alphabetically but I spent 2 hours buying insurance from them, named him as additional person and he still came first on the paperwork. To top it off they refunded some money from a mistake they made years ago, the letter was addressed to us both but the cheque only had his name on.

If you give your name first you should be the first named person, if you have dealt with everything you should be the named person. It's basic manners apart from anything else.

I had this the other day.
Currently house hunting, called an estate agent and gave all my details and they asked for the details of any joint buyers so I gave Mr BibBobb's details too.
House recommendations came to my email address of 'BibBobb@...' and the email was addressed to my DH, by name.
Minor thing I know but it really annoyed me! I'd spoken to them, not him!

I'm with you. It irritates me too You know, I fell out with the national trust over the prioritisation of DH. I wanted to pay our membership with gift aid. DH doesn't pay tax (TA, doesn't earn enough). I do. I needed DH's consent to pay gift aid because he's the primary member and I'm a secondary member on the account. They have never had our gift aid contribution.

@seasidesanddude

I work for a solicitors and I'm told to open all files in the gents name. I don't know why. I fill out a form and send it to another department be opened on our system. First one I ever did was rejected because it wasn't in the mans name.

At the risk of sounding rude, did you never ask why? This is the sort of thing I would question. So many things are done 'because we do it that way' without any sensible rationale.

@seasidesanddude

I work for a solicitors and I'm told to open all files in the gents name. I don't know why. I fill out a form and send it to another department be opened on our system. First one I ever did was rejected because it wasn't in the mans name.

What happens if it’s two women?

And moreover why? Why does it matter to them other than the patriarchy?

I do this with clients, someone’s name has to come first and if I always put the mans first I know where to look first when I’m looking for their file, this is especially true where they have different surnames. Sometimes I have in excess of 120 cases, if I don’t have a system it makes filing and finding file (especially whilst I have a client on the phone) a little more complicated and frankly anything that makes me more efficient means I can get on with the actual work.

@TimeToParty

Sorry but solicitors using covid as an excuse for doing this is just plain poor.

1. they’ve been doing this for years so covid has nothing to do with it

2. solicitors are meant to be professionals aren’t they? I work in a very busy professional role and the idea of addressing correspondence incorrectly fills me with dread. If I can’t fill in forms or write a letter correctly then how can my clients trust the rest of my work?

And the whole being so busy stuff is bullshit. If you are so damn busy why take the time to change what someone has written, decide which one has a penis, and then put them first?

On the plus side Nationwide have my name first on the joint account, which is what I would expect since I was the person who opened it.

Also - the letters are pre populated by a case management system, so how they come out is dictated by the case management system. Nobody is making these choices on an individual basis as they go through the day and unless it’s a very sophisticated case management system it won’t have the functionality to change the format on a case by case basis.

I dictate my letters for a secretary to type, it goes to a pool of secretaries so the chances are the client will never have spoken to them.

I can either crack on and do your legal work or piss about amending letters for re-typing and amending.

Gosh, it must have been a lot of work to add women to the electoral roll from 1918 on as well. How did they find the time?

Maybe when I write school reports at my girls' school I should just call them all 'your daughter'. It would be so much quicker and we wouldn't need a database.

I just wrote a really long message but it disappeared! long story short, same thing happened to me but with a car, I highlighted it in the end. The guy was sheepish, rightly so and changed his tune from then on. He didn’t like it though.

@MrsAvocet

A few years ago I received a cheque from a solicitor. We'd been over charged and it was a refund. It was a joint matter but all the fees had been paid by me, from my bank account which, surprise, is in my name. But the refund cheque? Payable to Mr & Mrs HisName of course. Aside from the fact that we don't have a joint account, I have never been Mrs HisName and never will be. They seemed quite put out at being asked to issue a new cheque.🙄 We won't be using their services again.

This is a regulatory requirement, if you receive money in a joint name it becomes joint client money. You can’t just return it to one client without the permission of the other. It’s the same as not being able to send sale proceeds out from a joint sale unequally without express consent.

We have solicitors accounts rules to follow which are very archaic, but which are mandatory.

@DinoHat

Also - the letters are pre populated by a case management system, so how they come out is dictated by the case management system. Nobody is making these choices on an individual basis as they go through the day and unless it’s a very sophisticated case management system it won’t have the functionality to change the format on a case by case basis.

I dictate my letters for a secretary to type, it goes to a pool of secretaries so the chances are the client will never have spoken to them.

I can either crack on and do your legal work or piss about amending letters for re-typing and amending.

So how come when I fill out a piece of paper with my name as number one when it gets on the case management system it’s number two? The computer didn’t decide.

@emilyfrost

So what’s the issue? Why would it piss you off?

Can you honestly not see why this isn't right?

Maybe when I write school reports at my girls' school I should just call them all 'your daughter'. It would be so much quicker and we wouldn't need a database.

Except you have maybe 30 pupils and do that once a year. I might have 120+ files and that client load replenishes over the course of 3 months. Over the course of the year that’s 480 files.

Some firms case management systems will have ability to address this and have a primary and secondary client. Some will revert by title.

Our water bill now comes addressed to my name then OH name after I added him to the account when he moved in. They then addressed communications just to him, and when I called to query it, added me back on to my own account, as a second user. I called and asked if sexism was an official policy of theirs. Apparently it WAS their policy to put the man first, to which I asked if it was acceptable in this day and age, and given that I’d added him to my account. It’s a little thing but feels important!

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

Yes it matters. It perpetuates the concept that the male in a relationship has authority on legal and financial matters. In this instance, OP has solely dealt with them, so correspondence should clearly be addressed to her.

The weird thing is other females thinking it doesn't matter....

Sometimes I have in excess of 120 cases, if I don’t have a system it makes filing and finding file a little more complicated.
I dictate my letters for a secretary to type, it goes to a pool of secretaries so the chances are the client will never have spoken to them.

Where the hell do you live, in 1950s? I would suggest you update your case management system, if it's unable to find a file if you don't know who the first named person is. I can send you some suggestions for providers.

I have considered this a few times over the course of my career and I’m afraid I revert to men then women for consistency with filing. When I’m away or when another member of staff is looking for a file it makes it easier for everyone not to have to look twice (in the case of different surnames). In my experience clients don’t tend to like holding whilst I look for their file and when the big stack of post comes in the assistants want to get it filed and distributed to the appropriate fee earner.

It’s nothing to do with patriarchy for me. It might be for some people and I don’t deny the legal sector is still archaic in this respect (which pisses me off too), but I’m offering an alternative explanation.