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Original poster

Solicitors put DH name first.

452 replies

Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:26

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
RedcurrantPuff · 07/05/2021 22:14

And it was actually my husband who spotted this first and thought it was poor

Doghead · 07/05/2021 22:23

[quote Cocopogo]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I’m guessing you’re a man because it most certainly would register with most women. We are sick of this sexist bullshit.[/quote]
"We" Who is this we?? Its certainly not me. I personally couldn't give a hoot whether its hubby first. Bigger fish to fry over here.

tillthecowscomehome · 07/05/2021 22:24

@Campervan69

I'm a conveyancer and have always put the women's names first when I draft documents. Tiny acts of feminism. Solidarity sister.
💪
Thisgirlcando · 07/05/2021 22:30

I spent £2500 on building work recently, I dealt with all calls/emails, I was here for all measurements etc, the loan organised through them is solely in my name and my partner wasn’t here for any of it. They asked his name once.... they sent the final invoice to only him and all of the warranty information.

I’m tempted to not pay because it’s not in my name, he’s not signed anything or at any point been a customer so surely they can’t make him pay.

Waitwhat23 · 07/05/2021 22:32

Slightly different but it really pissed me off when our mortgage company sent the final offer to Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Surname. I really wanted to say that given they had seen numerous documents which state my name, they know that Mrs Hisfirstname Surname isn't it and I also think that that addressing format is both outdated and bloody sexist. I didn't because I didn't want to muck up our mortgage but I really wanted to.

Waitwhat23 · 07/05/2021 22:34

Additionally, my sister's partner (a woman) was sorting out quotes for work on their house. All but two sent the quotes to Mr Surname which really pissed her off and guaranteed they didn't get the work.

MMAMPWGHAP · 07/05/2021 22:38

When my elderly parents moved I made a point of putting my mum down as the account holder for some of the utilities. Previously there was so little paperwork with her name on it that finding bits of paper that could be used for id purposes was a real issue.

Have also previously been told by eg Direct Line that it would cost money to change insurance policy to my name rather than husband’s. Even though it is always me who deals with it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/05/2021 22:38

[quote Cocopogo]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I’m guessing you’re a man because it most certainly would register with most women. We are sick of this sexist bullshit.[/quote]
No, just think there are bigger things to get worked up about in life. One has to come first, does it really matter which?

Chocoqueen · 07/05/2021 22:39

@Mhc19

If you are getting a mortgage and if your husband does earn more then that could be why. Your solicitor doesn't need to have your mortgage offer to know this, there's online systems some lenders use. If there's a mortgage lender then the higher earner is named first and it's good practise to do the same with the contract, TR1 etc. Its therefore sometimes easier to keep all correspondence the same.
Not always - my DH is the higher earner but I come first on the mortgage docs.
G5000 · 07/05/2021 22:51

One has to come first, does it really matter which?

It didn't, if it was random. But it is always the man.

CrystalTits · 07/05/2021 23:06

When my son reached 19, having been on my gym membership as a child, all my gym correspondence was suddenly addressed to him as the lead name (I’m the only other adult on the account). I am galvanised by this thread to address that when I next go in. Infuriating!

pipsqueakbollock · 07/05/2021 23:11

I'm Fucking livid at Santander

I've actually complained on the grounds of misogyny.

Split with ex. I own 75% of property.
Remortgage going through, okayed by legals, all the transfer papers done to take him off property but some dumb arse in their Bradford Office has harped on and on and on and on that the Husband should get 50%

ONE he's not my fucking husband
TWO he legally doesn't own 50%

BANG HEAD ON WALL

(I'm cross)

pipsqueakbollock · 07/05/2021 23:22

Oh and I also remortgaged a different property I own - all by myself, non one else, and the excess funds were sent to me by cheque (wasn't in a hurry, didn't fancy spending £45 for them to wire it)

Cheque payable to MR !

I didn't swear at the solicitor, just told them they had cost me time and money - so they then wired it for £0
And said sorry.

There is definitely something fundamentally wrong in solicitors offices !

MrsAvocet · 07/05/2021 23:39

A few years ago I received a cheque from a solicitor. We'd been over charged and it was a refund. It was a joint matter but all the fees had been paid by me, from my bank account which, surprise, is in my name. But the refund cheque? Payable to Mr & Mrs HisName of course. Aside from the fact that we don't have a joint account, I have never been Mrs HisName and never will be. They seemed quite put out at being asked to issue a new cheque.🙄 We won't be using their services again.

seasidesanddude · 08/05/2021 00:01

I work for a solicitors and I'm told to open all files in the gents name. I don't know why. I fill out a form and send it to another department be opened on our system. First one I ever did was rejected because it wasn't in the mans name.

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 08/05/2021 00:08

@Campervan69 ❤️❤️ this really made me smile. Thank you for doing this!

MrsClatterbuck · 08/05/2021 00:17

This reminds me of a wedding DH and I attended early nineties. My place card said Mrs insert dhs first name and our surname. It really really annoyed me but tbh it hasn't happened since at subsequent weddings.

ILoveMondayMornings · 08/05/2021 00:49

Not for a house but a car and it was just my BF!

Yes sitlr, no fucking sir, would you like to see this sir. You best see her.. she's the one buying the car (in fucking cash).

I get SO mad.

TimeToParty · 08/05/2021 01:25

Sorry but solicitors using covid as an excuse for doing this is just plain poor.

  1. they’ve been doing this for years so covid has nothing to do with it

  2. solicitors are meant to be professionals aren’t they? I work in a very busy professional role and the idea of addressing correspondence incorrectly fills me with dread. If I can’t fill in forms or write a letter correctly then how can my clients trust the rest of my work?

iloverock · 08/05/2021 07:15

I went into an estate agents with my then dp. We were not married and he had no ownership of my house.
We walked in and I started a conversation with the man behind the desk, asked him to value my property. He asked my name and wrote it down as no 2 on his form

He asked for dp name who didn't realise he was writing it down, just thought he was being friendly. He put him as no 1

He didn't get my business. I was fuming.

FTEngineerM · 08/05/2021 07:21

One has to come first, does it really matter which?

When it’s always the man, yes.

This type of shit is archaic, X signed up and has been main communicator X name goes first. When writing a card to your friend and their partner you’d never met you wouldn’t say ‘To John and Tracey’ when it was Tracey that you’d knew and had never met John.

The nursery did this with payment notifications recently, why DP when I was the main communicator? They assume he’s paying? It can only go to one email, fine, but I’m the one who has been talking to you and I manage our joint account so I want the notification, thanks.

MinnieMountain · 08/05/2021 07:21

Of course it’s important. It’s indicative of the wider attitudes towards women (men come first).

Our case management system at the licensed conveyancers doesn’t have a default “Mr first”. The person opening the file chooses. But the bosses won’t see a problem unless clients mention it.

Yes we’re busy but clients are paying for a service that requires us to be precise. And the SDLT holiday starts tapering next month.

I also swap the names round on Transfers when I can Grin

MinnieMountain · 08/05/2021 07:22

*conveyancers I work for

FTEngineerM · 08/05/2021 07:24

As an addition to the above two visit to BMW service centres: first one they called out ‘Mr FTEngineerM’ in a waiting room with a 50:50 split of man and female when my car was ready. I explained I am not a Mr but a Miss as I took back the keys. The next visit, I was a ‘Mrs FTEngineedM’.

I couldn’t possibly be an unmarried woman enjoying the pleasures of a bmw?! Could I.

Roselilly36 · 08/05/2021 07:25

Who’s details did you fill out the details on the form buyer 1 buyer 2? If you put yourself then DH then that should be the case. I agree conveyancers have a masses of clients at the moment and are under a lot of pressure re SDLT. Not sure how well a complaint of the nature would go down atm. But your call entirely.