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Original poster

Solicitors put DH name first.

452 replies

Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:26

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 08/05/2021 11:53

@DelBocaVista

I also get this at work. I've worked at my university for over 10 years, I'm a course leader and the named project lead for external projects. Last summer i recruited a new member of staff. He's older than me and male. Suddenly, I've found that some people default to him when asking questions or if they need information - they assume he's now in charge when in fact I recruited him as a part time lecturer!
I experienced this regularly when I was working too. For a large part of my working life I had a unisex title and I would say that quite a significant majority of the people I dealt with assumed I was male until they met me. People would warmly shake my male junior colleagues' hands assuming one of them was me and when I was the only woman in the department I was frequently assumed to be the secretary even though my name and job title were on my desk. Not that I think that making coffee is beneath me, but it was noticeable that penis owners rarely got asked to do it. Nor did they get the departmental post dumped on their desk on the assumption that they'd deliver it, and nobody ever expected them to hold the keys to the adjacent lecture theatre or have spare pens for the whiteboard either. And I've also been called about our children despite DH being listed as first contact. Someone even once said that they'd done it deliberately as they assumed DH would be at work and didn't want to disturb him. 🙄 All these things in isolation may be trivial, but everyday seemingly "low level" sexism adds up to be a major problem, and like you I am infuriated by it and can't understand why so many others just seem to accept it.
bananaboats · 08/05/2021 11:57

I wouldn't even notice, such a non issue.

DelBocaVista · 08/05/2021 12:04

All these things in isolation may be trivial, but everyday seemingly "low level" sexism adds up to be a major problem, and like you I am infuriated by it and can't understand why so many others just seem to accept it.

Absolutely. I'll never stop challenging the little things.

I0NA · 08/05/2021 12:04

I’m confused why it can’t be changed, if it’s such a non issue / totally trivial.

EastWestWhosBest · 08/05/2021 12:06

@LemonDrizzles

Similar thing happened to me. We are still dealing with the company. Dh only gets all financial statements (which he still can't figure out to download, so I do it). Each signature set up, his name first. Just had one yesterday. Also I'm down as Ms. I've taken his (not that common) last name - do they think we're siblings?

Man first on the moon? Man first for centuries to come...

Literally what happened to me. The solicitor checked that we were married because they thought we must be siblings as I had put my name and details first.
MyOctopusFeature · 08/05/2021 12:08

Woman on top. Always gets the job done quicker.

DinoHat · 08/05/2021 12:26

@I0NA

I’m confused why it can’t be changed, if it’s such a non issue / totally trivial.
It most likely can - OP hasn’t asked.
Jaxhog · 08/05/2021 12:31

It would (and does) annoy me too. I'm the sole payer of our utility bill, and they STILL send the paper bills to my DH. Apparently, it's a 'quirk' of their computer system.

Jaxhog · 08/05/2021 12:34

Isn't it funny that the media etc gets all riled up about 'micro racism' but you never hear about 'micro sexism'. Which is what this is.

DinoHat · 08/05/2021 12:37

@Jaxhog

It would (and does) annoy me too. I'm the sole payer of our utility bill, and they STILL send the paper bills to my DH. Apparently, it's a 'quirk' of their computer system.
I’m really surprised people have these issues, our bills come addressed to both of us at our joint address or to me directly by email because I provide my details as I’m the one that deals with them all.

I have absolutely no issues of utility providers, or anyone else, addressing things solely to DH that he/or I didn’t opt for him to deal with.

DelBocaVista · 08/05/2021 12:40

Dinohat but it is happening and quite frequently reading responses to this thread.
I've experienced across a range of sectors too.

DelBocaVista · 08/05/2021 12:41

@Jaxhog

Isn't it funny that the media etc gets all riled up about 'micro racism' but you never hear about 'micro sexism'. Which is what this is.
Excellent point.
Lovetoridemybicycle · 08/05/2021 12:44

I have a homecare agreement with British Gas. I took it out, it's my email, my phone number and my direct debit from my personal bank account. At some point in the last few years they moved it to my husband's name (we bought gas from them for a while-so I guess they linked it some how). He has never had any contact with them on the home care agreement. I have complained but they won't change it back without his permission. Their biggest issue was to check that he still resides in the property. After calling then a bunch of misogynists , I ashamed to say I gave up, partly cause they've been so shit, so I'm cancelling it anyway.

reesewithoutaspoon · 08/05/2021 13:03

why when women complain about this is it trivial and stupid.
If a man researched a car, did the test drives, signed the finance and paid from his joint bank account. No one would expect for a moment that correspondence would be automatically sent to his wife. Its just ludicrous, yet it happens to women all the time and yes it can have an impact as often utility companies etc will only deal with the person they have down as 1st on the account.

Wafflewombat · 08/05/2021 13:33

@reesewithoutaspoon

why when women complain about this is it trivial and stupid. If a man researched a car, did the test drives, signed the finance and paid from his joint bank account. No one would expect for a moment that correspondence would be automatically sent to his wife. Its just ludicrous, yet it happens to women all the time and yes it can have an impact as often utility companies etc will only deal with the person they have down as 1st on the account.
Exactly, it really does matter.

It's definitely not a non-issue, as it leads to all the more excessive denial of rights.

CallingOnAvengingAngels · 08/05/2021 13:46

DP made a point of getting my name first on the mortgage, the default does seem to be man first, our water bill is set up in my name and they email me, DP is secondary on it but the emails( to my email address) and letters still come addressed to (Mr)MissDP.

MinnieMountain · 08/05/2021 13:49

It probably can’t be changed on all case management systems but it certainly can be on the one my firm uses, which must be used by 1000s of other firms.

Unfortunately I don’t have the access to change it myself.

Ariela · 08/05/2021 13:54

Annoys me with NFU insurance - we have everything with them, but some stuff is in husband's name, some in mine, so that way we both get no claims on the vehicles. Just had an insurance claim of MINE pay out to DH. Very irritating! And I hope doesn't affect his more expensive insurance policies no claims!

Faultymain5 · 08/05/2021 14:01

I can’t understand why people come on to post how trivial this is. If it’s so trivial why would you bother to comment?

toodleloooo · 08/05/2021 14:06

I sent all the emails to do with our house purchase, in my name and from my personal email, but our solicitor always addressed her responses to DP Hmm. Unsurprisingly his name was also first on all the docs. I hear ya, OP.

greyinganddecaying · 08/05/2021 14:11

Completely pisses me off too. I also contact them to tell them to change it.

I have a completely different name to my OH, so there's no "Mr & Mrs" excuse.

School was the latest one - I do ALL the school admin & organising, I completed all forms with my name first as the primary contact, I'm the one they call if kids need collecting etc, but on written correspondence they always put his name first - it's not even first alphabetically (& I'm oldest Grin) - so there's no reason for this, except sexism.

butterpuffed · 08/05/2021 14:30

@Faultymain5

I can’t understand why people come on to post how trivial this is. If it’s so trivial why would you bother to comment?
Because some posters agree with the OP and some don't. Presumably she wants to hear posters' opinions.
taybert · 08/05/2021 14:36

In a weird act of simultaneous sexism/feminism my plumber sent our last invoice to Mr Myname Surname. I’m always the point of contact so they obviously addressed it to me but I wondered if perhaps the invoice software defaults to Mr.

Chocoqueen · 08/05/2021 14:45

@toodleloooo

I sent all the emails to do with our house purchase, in my name and from my personal email, but our solicitor always addressed her responses to DP Hmm. Unsurprisingly his name was also first on all the docs. I hear ya, OP.
I just find this baffling! If a female colleague emailed me at work, and i responded to her male colleague instead of her I'd be (rightly) called up on it.

I'm so glad my (otherwise useless) solicitor wasn't like this! All emails were either addressed to both of us (the name which went first varied) or addressed to whichever of us has asked a question. She'd always copy us both in to correspondence as well. I'm first on the deeds too.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/05/2021 14:48

This would piss me off too. BA were notorious for sending flight changes to my OH even though I did the bookings and paid - 'Mr' seemed always to go first.

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