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Original poster

A couple of my pals have gotten dogs and it's ruined our social life

122 replies

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 15:10

Just need a bit of a rant as I'm too polite to say anything in real life. Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

Friend A: we met once a week for a long walk on our day off to chat, catch up and put the world to rights over a cuppa. We've done this for years, through thick and thin and always really looked forward to it. Each week we'd decide where we were headed and go explore. She got herself a dachshund which is very cute but she can't/won't take it on the long walks, choosing to go on shorter ones, closer to home. During the puppy and lockdown stages this was bearable but now with restrictions lifting I'm desperate to go further afield. However she doesn't. Her whole life now revolves around the dog and I guess I miss the way things used to be. Even on the rare occasions she doesn't bring him, most of the conversation is about him. When she does bring him, the conversation cannot flow as it's forever interrupted by the dog's needs, her shouting him back, stopping him eating poo, chatting to every other dog owner we meet. Our walks used to be 10-15 miles of good exercise and intellectual conversation but now it's all stop/start with, frankly, boring conversation about the latest issue with the dog.

Friend B is similar although we only meet about three times a year, it was always quality time. However she is foisting her dog on me like it's mine too. I have to love it, play with it, make a fuss over it, talk about it endlessly. I'm happy to give it a friendly pat but not focus on it for the entire time in her company. She seems miffed that I'm not as taken with it as she is.
I've been bold and said to Friend A that he why don't we go do x next week because we can, that I need to escape a bit after the last year and it'll be like old times but she said that she can't because Fido would only get in the way and she doesn't want to leave him.

Arggghhhhh!

OP posts:
Mehoooole · 28/04/2021 15:17

It is nice to hear that two dogs got such good homes. They will get bigger and stronger and more able to go on longer walks soon. Hang in there or make excuses for a few months and they'll settle down and let you enjoy your walks again.

stunnningandbrave · 28/04/2021 15:20

They've probably brought a lot of joy to your friends Smile Sit tight and the dogs will be more able to walk further before too long.

ThursdayLastWeek · 28/04/2021 15:21

I get it OP. The friends I have that I do active things with don’t mind if I occasionally bring my dog, but it does change the dynamic if I do.

I can understand your frustration if there’s no compromise.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dogs
SweatyBetty20 · 28/04/2021 15:26

I'd like to see a sausage dog walk 15 miles!

Feel your pain - the same has happened with a couple of my friends; I just don't walk with them anymore as it's just too annoying. My family have also got three dogs between three families and everything revolves around them. We can't do anything unless it's dog-friendly. When we get together for meals I get digs about how I should host, but I didn't want the dogs in my house and they won't leave them. Now I have to have them in my house if I want family to visit, but then get moaned at because they aren't allowed on the sofas. They suggest I put down towels on the furniture but it's not about that - chairs are for people not pets.

I am not a pet person Angry

Twizbe · 28/04/2021 15:28

I totally get it. The same thing happens with babies. I had kids and I love them. Not so keen on other people's kids.

I also don't expect any one else to give 2 hoots about my kids.

For some friends I try to see them without the kids if I can. I'm also mindful to not chat to much about them.

These are dogs though, not kids, so it is possible for your friends to leave them for a few hours. If they don't want to, then it's time to find a new walking partner

VodkaSlimline · 28/04/2021 15:28

Sympathy, OP. The dogs will get older and be easier to leave (also the novelty of having them will wear off). However, re Friend A, a dachshund is never going to be able to walk 10-15 miles. Could you suggest that she gets a backpack carrier for it so you can do long walks again? Maybe even buy her one if she has a birthday coming up?

SwedishK · 28/04/2021 15:39

Actually, dachshund's are working breeds and are meant to hunt badgers and similar animals, they can definitely walk very far and if it's fit should easily be able to do 15 miles. Not whilst it is still young though, it has to be built up gradually once they are adults so they don't hurt themselves.

I think there is no reason why you wouldn't be able to go on these long walks with friend 1 and the dog once it's grown up a bit.

LudoBear · 28/04/2021 15:46

How would you feel if instead of dogs they had babys?

FeatheredHope · 28/04/2021 15:52

I’m sorry you’re missing out on these trips and friendships, but it’s also just sometimes the way of life. People change or their priorities do. It’s just one of those things.

Bourbonic · 28/04/2021 15:55

But that's just how life goes. As someone childless I've been through it umpteen times with friends when they've had children. You either have to adapt and be more flexible or accept you don't have the same common ground any longer.

loveheartss · 28/04/2021 15:56

OP I get the frustration to a degree but it does come across a bit of an entitled attitude truthfully.

It was like my friend who asked if I could leave my 4 month old exclusively breastfed baby at the time behind whilst we went for a walk and a boozy lunch. She huffed and sighed and said it was more boring if I had to bring my child because it wasn't what we used to be able to do.

Tough shit really isn't it. People make their own life choices and they shouldn't really have to worry if their friends are going to be annoyed or not.

The only thing I will say in your defence is that it is fair enough to not want to talk about the dogs all the time. The sheer fact they have them though is what it is.

CrumpetsForAll · 28/04/2021 15:58

I’ve got a dog. I do not take it on social outings (unless they are dog walks with other dog owners) and if I visit family or friends I leave it at home or get a dog/house sitter. Some people aren’t dog people and that’s totally fine!

I’ve also got kids and I wouldn’t bring them on a 15 mile walk, neither would I expect child free friends to come stand in the play park with me instead.

I think you need better friends...

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 28/04/2021 16:01

I know where you are coming from OP as we are friends with 2 separate couples where our relationships changed after they got dogs. I really love dogs and enjoy being around dogs. But I don't want to have holiday destinations, accommodation, bars, cafes and restaurant, days out etc all arranged about what suits the dogs. They made the dog commitment, we didn't. Sadly that means if we don't want everything dog driven, we have to let some aspects of our friendship go. A PP asked would you feel the same if it was a baby - to some extent it is, but actually babies are easier to accommodate than dogs. You can take them on flights, not many holiday accommodation or restaurants don't allow them in.

Horehound · 28/04/2021 16:07

Yeh yanbu.
When I had recently given birth my husband's friends came down to visit and brought their dog. Now we used to have a dog and didn't mind if they brought their dog when stating over. But when they came the dog went into the garden, managed to roll in fox shit and then they brought it back inside our house. It was rancid and they wiped the dog down but it was humming. I was so angry who brings quite a boisterous dog to visit a newborn.

Argh just getting mad thinking about it!!

I love dogs but yeh, they really do have huge impacts on people's lives.

Bomchiccawick · 28/04/2021 16:09

Wait til they have kids OP! Grin

poppycat10 · 28/04/2021 16:10

@LudoBear

How would you feel if instead of dogs they had babys?
Probably just the same. Other peoples' kids are not very interesting and of course they change the dynamic if you don't have kids, or yours are much older/independent.
Aprilshowersandhail · 28/04/2021 16:11

If you can't beat em join em op? Country walks to a pub? Most allow to sit outside!! So do cafes these days!
Now get saving coz that dpuppy is gonna cost you ££££!!

Tabitha005 · 28/04/2021 16:15

Friends and family change - as do we ourselves - and I guess you either find ways to adapt or the friendship/relationship suffers. I think I'd be a bit irritated too, in your situation, though. Listening to other people banging on about their pets isn't much different to listening to them going on and on about their kids, their mother-in-law or telling you in minute, mind-numbing detail about their vivid dreams - all topics of conversation guaranteed to have me checking my watch and making my excuses.

PS: the simple way to avoid friends with dogs expecting to bring them to your house is to get a cat, ha ha.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 28/04/2021 16:17

Seeing as Daxis are bred to hunt Badgers in their own setts, teeth, claws, attitude and all, I'd say they are, if there are no spinal issues, some of the toughest dogs around.

I'd certainly rather walk 15 miles than take on an angry mother badger any day.

longwayoff · 28/04/2021 16:18

I can see why they've got dogs.

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 28/04/2021 16:20

I'm with you, OP. I love animals, don't get me wrong.........but I find there's pressure everywhere to love someone's dog just as much as they do. We are expected to forgive bad behaviour, being off lead in inappropriate areas, being pawed over, dodging poop, poop bags decorating the trees......gah. I really do love animals, but sorry, I don't love your dog as much as you do and I never will.

Moondust001 · 28/04/2021 16:21

also the novelty of having them will wear off

My dog is five and a half years old. He is my ninth dog over 63 years. When does "the novelty" wear off?

If you are a good dog owner, the novelty never wears off. They are family members. And to be honest, the novelty of some of my family members is more likely to wear off before the dog does..

MissMaple82 · 28/04/2021 16:22

Wow. What have I just read. You sound unbelievably selfish!

Cacacoisfarraige · 28/04/2021 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOrigRights · 28/04/2021 16:28

I had a colleague long ago who used to declare that if it was OK for parents to talk about their kids all the time, then she could talk about her horse.

The thing is she talked about her horse incessantly whereas the parents really didn't natter on about their kids very much.