A couple of my pals have gotten dogs and it's ruined our social life

[Shesjustplaying]

Just need a bit of a rant as I'm too polite to say anything in real life. Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

Friend A: we met once a week for a long walk on our day off to chat, catch up and put the world to rights over a cuppa. We've done this for years, through thick and thin and always really looked forward to it. Each week we'd decide where we were headed and go explore. She got herself a dachshund which is very cute but she can't/won't take it on the long walks, choosing to go on shorter ones, closer to home. During the puppy and lockdown stages this was bearable but now with restrictions lifting I'm desperate to go further afield. However she doesn't. Her whole life now revolves around the dog and I guess I miss the way things used to be. Even on the rare occasions she doesn't bring him, most of the conversation is about him. When she does bring him, the conversation cannot flow as it's forever interrupted by the dog's needs, her shouting him back, stopping him eating poo, chatting to every other dog owner we meet. Our walks used to be 10-15 miles of good exercise and intellectual conversation but now it's all stop/start with, frankly, boring conversation about the latest issue with the dog.

Friend B is similar although we only meet about three times a year, it was always quality time. However she is foisting her dog on me like it's mine too. I have to love it, play with it, make a fuss over it, talk about it endlessly. I'm happy to give it a friendly pat but not focus on it for the entire time in her company. She seems miffed that I'm not as taken with it as she is.
I've been bold and said to Friend A that he why don't we go do x next week because we can, that I need to escape a bit after the last year and it'll be like old times but she said that she can't because Fido would only get in the way and she doesn't want to leave him.

Arggghhhhh!

The dynamics are very different with dogs.

I have walking friends and dog walking friends.
The dog walking group walks super-slowly, all talk is about the dogs and it’s quite disjointed and chaotic. Fun though.

The walking group is a much faster pace, the chat is varied and the chats can be quite intense/long lasting.

I don’t bring my dog to all the non-dog walks, but when I do I keep him on the lead so my focus can be on the people I’m walking with.

I’d say seek out some new walking groups/buddies.

@Stompythedinosaur where did I say I was angry? Bored, yes, slightly annoyed, yup. Exasperated, yup, but I’m not angry.

I hate it when posters make out you've said things you haven't!

@RockingMyFiftiesNot I know, annoying isn’t it! I wonder how some folk would cope sitting on a jury listening to nothing but the evidence presented. [hmmm]

@Shesjustplaying scary thought that people who misinterpret everything, even very clear 'evidence', could ever be on a jury. No chance of a fair trial.
The same as those who make up the Covid rules and then lambast people for not obeying their made up rules rather than the official ones. Does my head in.

@pictish you are not the only one to think it a strange breed. Another pal, (who has had dogs all her life, not that you’d know coz she doesn’t talk about them constantly), wondered the same thing as Friend A and her hubby have always been very active with lots of different outdoorsy hobbies. TBH she admitted that during lockdown her kids (14&15) were pandering for a puppy and she and her hubby gave in to the pandering. They chose a dachshund on the assumption it didn’t need walking much so the kids could fit walks in around their day. Kids lost interest quickly and once back at school even more so and are too tired and to have much to do with the dog. So the dog is now very much hers and she panders to it. They have both been working from home during lockdown and are hoping they don’t have to go back to the office as they don’t know how the dog will cope.

[quote Shesjustplaying]@RockingMyFiftiesNot I know, annoying isn’t it! I wonder how some folk would cope sitting on a jury listening to nothing but the evidence presented. [hmmm][/quote]
Having sat on a jury I'd say that for many the 'evidence' was incidental, most made up their mind before it started. A chairwoman who started with 'the police wouldn't have charged him if he wasn't guilty' followed by 'he looks the type'.

@musicalfrog

They sit lower on the totem pole than the kids but higher than the cats.

The cats respectfully disagree.

Only the cats are not being that respectful in their utter disdain for the dogs.

YANBU

One of my friends is like this - she sends me photos of her dog. She knows I don't really care.

The thing that most annoys me is that she isn't a child person and has told me that hearing about them bores her. So - I don't mention DS (unless she asks) and I have never brought him along when we meet. But all I hear about is this dog - and when I steer the conversation away she brings it right back.

I know this is person-specific but there seem to be a lot of them about at the moment. We can't even meet up because she can only go somewhere the dog is welcome.

I suppose people adore pets because they don’t criticise, break your heart, steal money out of your purse, gossip about you behind your back, pinch your boyfriend, get the promotion you wanted at work, criticise your weight gain. The list of how humans can wrong each other is extensive from the minor to the major.

People adore their pets because they don’t do this sort of stuff. Anything they do like steal a piece of food or poop on the living room rug is primitive animal behaviour so very forgivable. It’s like having a toddler in furry form forever. If animals had critical thinking skills and could speak maybe they wouldn’t be so nice, their nice because they can’t communicate on a high enough level.

They sound a bit like a couple of friends of mine who could only talk about their children when they became Mothers. We all had dc at a similar time. It was tiresome

It sounds like being out with my toddler, where he has to stop and gawp at and interact with every dog we see. And then I have to ask if he can pat it, then he does pat it, then I have to have small talk with the owner about the dog I’m not interested and they politely ask about the child they aren’t interested in. Then we walk another 0.5 metres before the next distraction. I get it OP. Sometimes I just want to go for a brisk walk!

@Moondust001

also the novelty of having them will wear off

My dog is five and a half years old. He is my ninth dog over 63 years. When does "the novelty" wear off?

If you are a good dog owner, the novelty never wears off. They are family members. And to be honest, the novelty of some of my family members is more likely to wear off before the dog does..

Clearly you are a lifelong "dog person" but I'm afraid the same is not true of many people like the OP's friends who have never had dogs before but suddenly felt the need to acquire them in the last year - unfortunately for the dogs.

Well there you go, she chose a style over substance breed of dog that doesn’t suit their lifestyle so the kids could have a cute puppy. Now they’ve got over the novelty she’s stuck with a dog with silly short legs that can’t do anything active or outdoorsy.
It’s a good thing that she loves it. Don’t suppose she’s got much choice.

good for them! Responsible dog owners accept the loss of many freedoms. They sound responsible.

find dog-free friends.

Totally agree @murbblurb! Our dog is reactive, anxious, hates being left with anyone other than us, and pre covid DH worked away a lot, so my life is often very constrained in terms of what I can do and where I can go. It's not ideal and sometimes I feel I'm missing out on stuff, but I made a commitment when I took her on, and her welfare comes before my desire to go to the pub or whatever. Some of my friends don't get it because 'its just a dog, you can bring it with you / leave it at home / get a dogsitter'. Some dogs may be that easy, a lot aren't. You look after the dog you have in the way that it needs.

I wish more people were like OPs friends!

Oh I feel your pain op. I’ve lost a couple of good friends to dogs this year. Goodbye to all the nice places we used to go, and long lunches in lovely restaurants. And since they can’t bring their dogs to my house (elderly cat with a heart condition here) they won’t come to my house at all any more. I grieve for the friendships we had, but have accepted that things have changed and I will have to do those nice things with other friends now instead.

In my experience, it's more the default nature of the dog owner that is irritating rather than that they happen to have a dog. I get bored rigid by some people always talking at you rather than with you and usually always about themselves.

The dog owners I know usually fall into either of two camps:

• the ones who have become obsessed by their dogs (usually newish owners), have been obsessed by something before, be it posting every Strava workout on social media or talking about it and their achievements but never asking anything about others in the conversation.

Any new hobby was theirs alone to discover (even though countless others have been doing it forever) or if anyone actually manages to get a word in they immediately turn it back to themselves stating why they don't do such and such a thing rather than discuss why someone does or ask questions about it out of interest.

• or dog owners who tend to have always had dogs but treat them like dogs rather than this new trend of having 'fur-babies' which actually makes my skin crawl. Their life does not revolve around the dog and they are engaged in others around them. They have conversations about lots of different things and know or sense when it is inappropriate to bring their dog to stuff.

The latter type also seem to have better behaved, more pleasant dogs. Just saying'

How about a buggy or stroller for the dachshund?

Various friends of mine who used to have quite busy social lives have got dogs during lockdown while they were working from home. They've factored in dog walking during the day, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that leaving a dog at home all evening also adds up the hours the poor thing spends on its own.

Just on the dogs specifically:

• a fit, healthy, adult dachshund is able to walk 10 miles; this is a working breed
• as it ages it is also likely to need less input on walks. Obviously still supervision and attention but they fall into more of a walking routine, so it gets easier. Even easier if kept on a lead.

Or one of these??