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Original poster

A couple of my pals have gotten dogs and it's ruined our social life

122 replies

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 15:10

Just need a bit of a rant as I'm too polite to say anything in real life. Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

Friend A: we met once a week for a long walk on our day off to chat, catch up and put the world to rights over a cuppa. We've done this for years, through thick and thin and always really looked forward to it. Each week we'd decide where we were headed and go explore. She got herself a dachshund which is very cute but she can't/won't take it on the long walks, choosing to go on shorter ones, closer to home. During the puppy and lockdown stages this was bearable but now with restrictions lifting I'm desperate to go further afield. However she doesn't. Her whole life now revolves around the dog and I guess I miss the way things used to be. Even on the rare occasions she doesn't bring him, most of the conversation is about him. When she does bring him, the conversation cannot flow as it's forever interrupted by the dog's needs, her shouting him back, stopping him eating poo, chatting to every other dog owner we meet. Our walks used to be 10-15 miles of good exercise and intellectual conversation but now it's all stop/start with, frankly, boring conversation about the latest issue with the dog.

Friend B is similar although we only meet about three times a year, it was always quality time. However she is foisting her dog on me like it's mine too. I have to love it, play with it, make a fuss over it, talk about it endlessly. I'm happy to give it a friendly pat but not focus on it for the entire time in her company. She seems miffed that I'm not as taken with it as she is.
I've been bold and said to Friend A that he why don't we go do x next week because we can, that I need to escape a bit after the last year and it'll be like old times but she said that she can't because Fido would only get in the way and she doesn't want to leave him.

Arggghhhhh!

OP posts:
Cacacoisfarraige · 28/04/2021 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dustinto · 28/04/2021 19:34

YANBU I have a friend who is like this with her DC but at least that’s a child not a dog. The lack of an apology or even just acknowledgement that we haven’t been able to talk is the most grating part.

Next time your friend suggests a walk I’d decline and mention you’d like a proper walk.

Llamasinpajamas · 28/04/2021 19:36

YANBU sounds annoying. I have kids and make a real effort for all friends (childless and with kids) to make a range of plans that include or exclude the children depending on what they want/need. Same should go for dogs. It’s so tedious when people are obsessed with pets (I’m not an animal person though).

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Dogs
Cleverpolly3 · 28/04/2021 19:41

My dog is nine soon.
She can still walk and run for hours

Why on earth would I go for a long walk and not take her? Even with friends I have who aren’t fussed about dogs but I go walking with she comes. They don’t expect otherwise. Mind you all my friends love
My dog and would have her to live with them yesterday. She’s all mineGrin

If they’re fancying about like the dog is a baby that’s not the dogs fault it’s them. Don’t blame the dogs.

Cleverpolly3 · 28/04/2021 19:42

*fannying

@Cacacoisfarraige - beautiful uplifting photos

Quincie · 28/04/2021 19:52

I don't know a single obedient dog.
I had a dog and he wasn't well behaved particularly - wouldn't come in if something interesting was in the garden but he would go to his bed when I asked, didn't hassle for titbits/food at mealtimes, didn't sit on furniture as was happy in his own bed, I don't know any dog that does anything it's told or is as good as mine was.
Hence dogs are a pita.

dotdashdashdash · 28/04/2021 19:56

@greenlynx

I don’t actually think it’s the same with children. People with children are usually desperate to have child free events and occasions. It’s not always possible with babies and younger children but most teens are easily left at home. I have child with additional needs myself who can’t be left on her own so I arrange my time with friends when DH is at home. I don’t take her with me.
I'm the same but so many threads on here have posters saying they won't go to weddings if their kids aren't invited because they're an extension of themselves or to drop friends who want to see them child free. I have friends like that, where our friendship was not born out of having kids/ baby group etc but now won't see me me without their kids (and it's won't not can't) because they can't bear to be parted.
dotdashdashdash · 28/04/2021 20:03

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

You'll never be as important to them as their dogs! Naturally so. Same with children. Surely you know this? Confused
Obviously my friends aren't as close as my kids, but it doesn't mean I can't leave my kids (or dog) to have time with a friend. Just because something is important to you doesn't mean you can't be separated for a short while.

I don't mind friends dogs coming with us but they can't come in my home because of my pets and my small kids that they aren't used to. I also won't change my meal plans to accommodate a child or dog unless that was always the plan/ newborn/ etc. But I WILL make time to see friends with dogs, kids, without kids somewhere convenient and appropriate for them at other times.

altiara · 28/04/2021 20:04

I couldn’t go on a walk without my dog! But mine is trained and happy to walk for a few hours.
I would hope I don’t only talk about a dog though.

toolazytothinkofausername · 28/04/2021 20:08

The dachshund needs a buggy!

Original poster
Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 20:14

@Cleverpolly3 that’s great that your dog goes on long walks. The issue here is that my pal doesn’t want to go on long walks anymore because she doesn’t think her dog can manage, nor is she willing to leave dog at home with her husband to embark on our usual long walk. But she does expect me to meander around the same 2 mile walk around our neighbourhood. She did reply ‘oh’ this evening when I said I needed a longer walk and a change of scene tomorrow, as if it hadn’t occurred to her that I was finding tedium settling in.

OP posts:
Worldwide2 · 28/04/2021 20:25

Yabu to think that your walks should come above any commitment or change they have made in their lives.
Yanbu to not want to hear about a flipping dog constantly how bloody boring. Is she in with the 'fur baby' clan? If so I do not envy you I wouldn't be able to get away quick enough.
Get a new friend to go on a long walk with.

omgwhy · 28/04/2021 20:36

@Moondust001 and that is exactly how it should be, I aspire to add to my 20 years of ownership and 5 dogs and counting. Your post made me smile.

Hesontrial · 28/04/2021 20:40

it's this that's annoying
"you've got to be appropriately enamoured with their dog. A quick pat is not good enough, youyou'got to love that bloody dog"

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2021 22:21

It's normal for friendships to change as your lifestyles move apart. YABU to expect your friends not to pursue the lifestyle that brings them pleasure because you find it inconvenient. They are allowed to want different things as they get older.

Embracelife · 28/04/2021 22:24

Join a,walking group for your walks
Get a dog yourself
Accept their lives have changed
Seek other people

Redburnett · 28/04/2021 22:29

You do have a choice, it is up to you how you react to these new situations. You could quietly ditch the friends totally. You could minimise the time you spend with them. You could see them less frequently. Or you could get a dog and be a tedious dog owner too.

musicalfrog · 28/04/2021 22:41

They sit lower on the totem pole than the kids but higher than the cats.

The cats respectfully disagree. Wink

Original poster
Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 22:41

@Redburnett Your first suggestion is a possibility but unlikely. The second and third seem inevitable. The fourth, no that's not going to happen, I dislike hypocrisy. Why would I embark on something that annoys me just to appease others?

I will never be that person that tells my dog to say 'bye bye' to a friend as they depart! It's a dog, it doesn't speak, nor does it care that I am gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 22:43

@Stompythedinosaur I'm stopping no-one from pursuing the life they want, nor should anyone expect me to stop pursuing the life I want.

OP posts:
Tigertigertigertiger · 28/04/2021 22:44

Feel your pain.
Hardly anyone seems to properly train their dog. They are mostly barky slobbery smelly pain in the arses. (The dogs)

My relationship with my best friend has really suffered since she got her dumb hound.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2021 22:45

So why the anger because they are making different choices?

pictish · 28/04/2021 23:00

This would annoy me too. I like dogs but wouldn’t have much interest in a dachshund that can’t keep up and has to be pandered to. The walks sound shit now.
Odd choice of breed for someone who likes long walks.

Gothichouse40 · 28/04/2021 23:07

I am not a dog person but can see where you are coming from. Dogs are a big tie, at least with children you can take them certain places. As other dog owners here have said it may settle down. It's good though that they actually care about the animals and the dogs don't seem to have been bought on a whim during Lockdown.

GreenSlide · 28/04/2021 23:10

[quote Shesjustplaying]@Cleverpolly3 that’s great that your dog goes on long walks. The issue here is that my pal doesn’t want to go on long walks anymore because she doesn’t think her dog can manage, nor is she willing to leave dog at home with her husband to embark on our usual long walk. But she does expect me to meander around the same 2 mile walk around our neighbourhood. She did reply ‘oh’ this evening when I said I needed a longer walk and a change of scene tomorrow, as if it hadn’t occurred to her that I was finding tedium settling in.[/quote]

She's probably taken aback that you're bored with your walks because she's there for your company and doesn't get bored of that.
I would imagine a lot of the reason why your friends are so obsessive about talking about their dogs is after a year of lockdown there isn't a great deal to talk about at times.

As others have pointed out they've made life choices and you have to adapt to it or lose your friends.

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