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Original poster

A couple of my pals have gotten dogs and it's ruined our social life

122 replies

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 15:10

Just need a bit of a rant as I'm too polite to say anything in real life. Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

Friend A: we met once a week for a long walk on our day off to chat, catch up and put the world to rights over a cuppa. We've done this for years, through thick and thin and always really looked forward to it. Each week we'd decide where we were headed and go explore. She got herself a dachshund which is very cute but she can't/won't take it on the long walks, choosing to go on shorter ones, closer to home. During the puppy and lockdown stages this was bearable but now with restrictions lifting I'm desperate to go further afield. However she doesn't. Her whole life now revolves around the dog and I guess I miss the way things used to be. Even on the rare occasions she doesn't bring him, most of the conversation is about him. When she does bring him, the conversation cannot flow as it's forever interrupted by the dog's needs, her shouting him back, stopping him eating poo, chatting to every other dog owner we meet. Our walks used to be 10-15 miles of good exercise and intellectual conversation but now it's all stop/start with, frankly, boring conversation about the latest issue with the dog.

Friend B is similar although we only meet about three times a year, it was always quality time. However she is foisting her dog on me like it's mine too. I have to love it, play with it, make a fuss over it, talk about it endlessly. I'm happy to give it a friendly pat but not focus on it for the entire time in her company. She seems miffed that I'm not as taken with it as she is.
I've been bold and said to Friend A that he why don't we go do x next week because we can, that I need to escape a bit after the last year and it'll be like old times but she said that she can't because Fido would only get in the way and she doesn't want to leave him.

Arggghhhhh!

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/04/2021 16:36

YANBU. It does sound a bit self/dog obsessed. I luffs dogs, but I felt similarly when a recent walk was prevented from being relaxing by friend's (new) dog constantly zig zagging in front of me on a long lead. I kept feeling I was inches from being tripped up. Stay on one side or the other!

Quirrelsotherface · 28/04/2021 16:37

I'm cringing a bit reading this, you sound quite needy as a friend.

OrchidLass · 28/04/2021 16:45

That's just the way it goes. It's very odd to me that you seem to think they should put your week walk before the decision to add a dog to their family. You can either end the friendships or accept that the dynamic has changed. 🤷

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Dogs

OrchidLass · 28/04/2021 16:46

also the novelty of having them will wear off

Well I hope that's not true. I've had dogs for 40 years and the 'novelty' had never worn off. Nor should it.

BogRollBOGOF · 28/04/2021 16:47

Children change friendships but that demand changes with time and gets easier after the baby/ toddler years.
There's also several months notice of pregnancies. It's an expected change of lifestyle.

There seems to be a massive culture shift in dog ownership in recent years. People didn't live their lives around the pet, it fitted around the owner's life. Greater consideration of time with the animal is no bad thing, but treating them as "fur babies" and expecting the world to live around them is no good thing either (strong correlation with rise of poorly controlled dogs being a nuisence while owners either don't care or witter indulgingly at them)

I'd be miffed if a friend totally changed a friendship suddenly for putting a dog first as a long term change of behaviour (rather than in the first months of training).

PuppyMonkey · 28/04/2021 16:49

We had a similar thing with some good friends, but with them it was a new horse for their DDs. Our weekend get togethers just stopped because they were always off taking the girls to horse events etc in the daytime or they had to get up early the next morning to sort the horses and transport the DDs here there and everywhere to ride, so couldn’t come for a boozy dinner and always left early if we met at the pub. The friendship ended up fizzling out.

garlictwist · 28/04/2021 16:52

YANBU. My friend has recently a dog and it kind of ruins the time we spend together. Walk are really slow now and mainly composed of her barking orders at it, and if we're in the house the whole time is spent getting it to behave. I find it very draining.

Chatanooga1 · 28/04/2021 16:54

Could be worse -

Original poster

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 17:00

@LudoBear I'm not talking about babies I'm talking about dogs but I'd feel just the same. We've all had our families and we sure as hell didn't talk about our kids as much as they talk about their dogs.

@Tabitha005 I already have a cat and I have had a dog in the past though he was a working gun dog. I don't think I said much about them other than in passing or unless someone was asking specific questions.

OP posts:

musicalfrog · 28/04/2021 17:00

YANBU! Everyone seems to have a new dog now and it's changed a friendship of mine too. Walks used to be fun but now they are interrupted constantly and the dog isn't even very well trained. Just as the kids got old enough to stop needing all our attention too!

Cleverpolly3 · 28/04/2021 17:01

Bloody hell you sound like hard work

OnTheBrink1 · 28/04/2021 17:01

I totally get it OP.
It’s a pain in the arse going on a walk with a dog owner. You literally can’t just walk and chat, it’s interrupted every 2 mins by something the dog needs. My friends dog jumps up all over me and slobbers on me and I just have to smile and stroke it etc. I dont want it jumping on me and I don’t want to stroke it.
It’s similar with a new baby I guess but the differences are- you don’t have to hold or stroke a new baby and a baby doesn’t jump up at you.
Also the baby grows into a toddler who goes to pre school and then school so you do get them time back.
With a dog I just feel like it’s 15 + years of the same thing- hardly changes and life for all those years is totally revolved around the dog!

Original poster

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 17:05

@OrchidLass you're taking what I said out of context and projecting words into my mouth. Not for one minute did I suggest that they should put their time spent with me before taking a decision to get a dog for their family. I was bemoaning that their decision has blinkered them somehow into thinking that I have to be invested in their dogs as much as they are.

OP posts:

lonel · 28/04/2021 17:07

I get you OP. I met up with a friend today and I was so happy she didn't bring her dog! Her dog is very sweet but it's difficult to talk and we can't walk very far when she comes. It's quite possible to like animals and want to see a friend without a dog - or a baby!

Bagelsandbrie · 28/04/2021 17:11

I understand. I’m surprised by comments saying you’re needy etc etc. It’s really annoying when the dynamic changes like this and I would feel the same! Not everyone is a dog person. I met with a friend and her puppy and the puppy chewed my trainers under the table in the park while he sat and chatted! I was too polite to say anything at the time - my fault I know- but she was so enamoured with the dog I felt bad saying anything negative! Dogs really do take things over and change things.

grapewine · 28/04/2021 17:16

Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

I get it, OP. I've been there. I've learned to 'mmm' and 'ahh' at the right times when they talk about their dogs. But it does change the dynamic of meetups, and we don't see each other as often anymore. They're OK with that, as the dogs take priority as do friends with whom they have dogs in common. Their choice. My choice is to find new friends and interests. I'm just not a pet person.

FFSFFSFFS · 28/04/2021 17:16

She chooses the dog over you.

That's what you don't like.

It's entirely up to her to decide what brings more to her life.

ddl1 · 28/04/2021 17:16

I think you are reasonable in your complaint about B, not so much A.

There could always have been something that made A less able or willing to go for long walks. If not a dog, it might have been a baby; an illness; a demanding job. I think it's only fair to accept what she can or can't do, and not let your friendship depend on a specific activity.

B is being more unreasonable. You should accept her own preoccupation with her dog, and not push it away or be nasty to it; but it's unreasonable of her to expect you to be just as devoted to it as she is, and to give lots of your time to it.

Original poster

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 17:17

I'm amazed at some of the comments too. Jeez it's as if I've admitted to some heinous crime. Folk aren't reading my posts - I do like dogs, I've owned a dog, I don't actually mind a dog coming on a walk but it's the two owners (pals) who think that life now revolves around their fur babies to the detriment of everything that went before. Sorry, it's boring!

OP posts:

Cherrypies · 28/04/2021 17:19

@Cacacoisfarraige

I’ve two dogs (red setter and retriever). I don’t bring them on walks as I bring them to remote beaches etc so they can get off the lead but I have to be focussed on them in case we meet anyone so I can call them back and put them on leads. They love a good run (red setter especially) rather than being walked on the lead

In a way it’s like being out with toddlers 😀 you have to stay focused on them so I meet friends without them if we want a chat.

Can we have a pic please, love both breeds, but the Irish is so gorgeous 🤗🤗

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 28/04/2021 17:21

I think the unkind comments are probably from dog owners. I don't think the OP was being selfish and some of the unpleasant things said are uncalled for.

It's hard to see a relationship change as circumstances change.

saraclara · 28/04/2021 17:21

Yes, that. Dogs are treated like toddlers by many these days. Even being pushed around in dog pushchairs or carried in bags (not that I ever carried my toddlers in bags! I had dogs in the '70s and '80s. They didn't come everywhere with us, and while they were members of the family and much loved, they weren't children.

The 'furbabies' tag makes me want to vomit. They're dogs. Treat them with respect. And jeeze yes, don't make them the subject of every conversation!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/04/2021 17:22

I'm just picturing a dachshund carrier - what would that even look like?!

Maybe like one of those things art students carry rolled up pictures in, but with arm and leg holes and a face pointing out the end?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/04/2021 17:23

[quote Shesjustplaying]@LudoBear I'm not talking about babies I'm talking about dogs but I'd feel just the same. We've all had our families and we sure as hell didn't talk about our kids as much as they talk about their dogs.

@Tabitha005 I already have a cat and I have had a dog in the past though he was a working gun dog. I don't think I said much about them other than in passing or unless someone was asking specific questions.[/quote]
I actually thought this was going to be a fake-out and/or reverse where you've had a baby and now everyone is bored of you cos you can't shut up about your PFB. But it seems not!

Anyway - I don't blame you for being a bit pissed off. Perhaps the novelty will eventually wear off and they'll realise they can leave the dog at home for your long walks?

Having said that, with the conversation with Friend B revolving around the dog, has she been on furlough? Maybe she feels she hasn't got anything else to talk about right now...

Original poster

Shesjustplaying · 28/04/2021 17:23

@FFSFFSFFS yes it is entirely up to her but why should I be so invested in her life choice? Would you make someone drink coffee when they prefer to drink tea just because you love the stuff? It's that part I don't like. My friend having a dog doesn't bother me but my friend having a dog and wanting to talk about nothing else, and all our stuff that we do (or did) in the friendship now has to revolve around the dog (and yes there are viable alternatives), does bother me because it impinges on my life choices.

OP posts:

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