A couple of my pals have gotten dogs and it's ruined our social life

[Shesjustplaying]

Just need a bit of a rant as I'm too polite to say anything in real life. Actually a few of my pals have gotten dogs but two in particular, it's taken over their life and subsequently, the relationship I had with them. It's their choice and that's absolutely fine but it's not my choice and I'm not changing my behaviour indefinitely to accommodate their lifestyle choice.

Friend A: we met once a week for a long walk on our day off to chat, catch up and put the world to rights over a cuppa. We've done this for years, through thick and thin and always really looked forward to it. Each week we'd decide where we were headed and go explore. She got herself a dachshund which is very cute but she can't/won't take it on the long walks, choosing to go on shorter ones, closer to home. During the puppy and lockdown stages this was bearable but now with restrictions lifting I'm desperate to go further afield. However she doesn't. Her whole life now revolves around the dog and I guess I miss the way things used to be. Even on the rare occasions she doesn't bring him, most of the conversation is about him. When she does bring him, the conversation cannot flow as it's forever interrupted by the dog's needs, her shouting him back, stopping him eating poo, chatting to every other dog owner we meet. Our walks used to be 10-15 miles of good exercise and intellectual conversation but now it's all stop/start with, frankly, boring conversation about the latest issue with the dog.

Friend B is similar although we only meet about three times a year, it was always quality time. However she is foisting her dog on me like it's mine too. I have to love it, play with it, make a fuss over it, talk about it endlessly. I'm happy to give it a friendly pat but not focus on it for the entire time in her company. She seems miffed that I'm not as taken with it as she is.
I've been bold and said to Friend A that he why don't we go do x next week because we can, that I need to escape a bit after the last year and it'll be like old times but she said that she can't because Fido would only get in the way and she doesn't want to leave him.

Arggghhhhh!

Novelty will definitely wear off.

They'll be sold or handed in to a rescue centre before long.

My world has revolved round my dog. And dogs that I walk. I didn’t always have dogs though.

I understand where you are coming from I think.

However I was dumped by my best friend who decided I didn’t fit in any more because I couldn’t carry a child full term and therefore couldn’t understand her life as a mum. This after 7 years of rearranging everything around her new life. I was happy to do it.

I did love her child (and her) but she decided I couldn’t know what love was...

I passed it to the dogs. They knew fine what love was.

What I’m explaining badly is that sometimes things change. And I suppose you have to decide what is more important to your life and how much changes/considerations you would be prepared to make to continue the friendship.

I see less of my parents since they got their dog, my eldest is nervous around dogs and the dog goes everywhere with my mum. Theres not a lot i can do about it, but i can see just how happy its made my mum and its really enriched her life...she is happier being a 'dog mum' than she ever was as a mum or nurse!

Same here.
When I meet a friend for a walk it is impossible to hold a conversation as they are either chasing after the dog or constantly chatting to other dog owners. It could be a long wait before we have a proper conversation again.

I think you are right OP. I don't understand why people don't seem to be able to leave their dogs even for a couple of hours these days. I love dogs but I don't want every walk I go on based around the dog. Also not everyone likes dogs. I really don't think you can compare owning a dog to having a baby!

Ive got a dog and confirm its a right pain in the bum to attempt a proper walk and catch up with friends during the training stage anyway.
Some firends say to bring the dog, but i tend to leave him home if i want to see people. He gets his own walk later on.
I spent enough time struggling to catch up due to my childs SN without limiting it further.

@TheYearOfSmallThings I now have a vision of a Dachshund dog carrier that you describe and I cannot unsee it.

YANBU. I can totally empathise. I friend of mine, travel 300 miles to see her, has dog. Dog has to come everywhere with us, dog is indulged and badly behaved dog takes over whole weekend. I travel home after booking annual leave, spending £100 on travel to just be pandering to the spoilt dog. We couldn't even go for a drink as the dog doesn't like pubs and can't be left. Fuming.

Other friend, go for a walk with her with new dog after not seeing for 2 years. Dog gets let off lead, no recall. Dog gets lost....2 hours of searching and hand wringing. Dog gets found finally by another dog owner. Friend hysterical. Outing trashed.
Yet another friend, go for beautiful moorland walk which is essentially 3 hours of fretting and stressing about location of dog and takes over the whole outing.

I actually grew up with dogs and don't remember all this melodrama and fretting, it's a nightmare. Now I'm quite explicit that if I'm seeing friends its without dog.

If your friend has swapped your company for that of a sausage dog, it's possible she didn't find your company as interesting as you found hers -

Its the same when people have kids.

I'm very conscious that some of my friendships are not kid friendly and so I leave my kids at home when seeing those friends.

Why can't your friends do the same?

@LinenBundle yup you could be right but she still contacts me to meet to go for a walk so I guess my charismatic personality still holds some sway.

YANBU. YANBU at all.

I’m with you OP. I do accept that people consider their dogs as their family members but I don’t expect my friend to bring her DH to our dinner together neither I bring mine unless the dinner is arranged for all of us together. Dogs are family members for owners but just animals for the rest of us.
I didn’t take my cat to walks, visits or other social occasions. She enriched my life at home not my relationships with my friends.

Many recent dog owners don't realise a dog has to be trained to be left. You can't just shut the door and vanish for three hours

You'll never be as important to them as their dogs! Naturally so. Same with children. Surely you know this?

I don’t actually think it’s the same with children. People with children are usually desperate to have child free events and occasions. It’s not always possible with babies and younger children but most teens are easily left at home. I have child with additional needs myself who can’t be left on her own so I arrange my time with friends when DH is at home. I don’t take her with me.

I'm amazed at some of the comments too. Jeez it's as if I've admitted to some heinous crime.

Well nor has your friend @Shesjustplaying. It sounds like she still wants to see you, but just wants to bring her dog but that means a slightly different walk. You can either accept that's the way she wants it now or not.

Novelty will definitely wear off.

They'll be sold or handed in to a rescue centre before long.

Yes because absolutely everyone gets fed with with their dog and abandons it.

[quote Shesjustplaying]@LudoBear I'm not talking about babies I'm talking about dogs but I'd feel just the same. We've all had our families and we sure as hell didn't talk about our kids as much as they talk about their dogs.

@Tabitha005 I already have a cat and I have had a dog in the past though he was a working gun dog. I don't think I said much about them other than in passing or unless someone was asking specific questions.[/quote]
You didn't have a pet though - you had a working animal who fetched dead animals. Your friends have pets, it's entirely different.

@OrchidLass but it’s not a slightly different walk is it? It’s a much shorter version that does nothing for our health or fitness with little conversation about anything other than her dog. I’ve already said in other posts I don’t mind dogs, or walking with them but I don’t obsess over them which is pretty much how my friend seems to be now with an expectation that I should be the same

I could have written your post OP and it's driving me nuts too. It's so bloody boring and it's sad to think that a pet can have changed the dynamics of these close relationships so much. I'm not very good at pretending/making the right noises, so it's probably quite apparent how much it irritates me.

@flippertygibbit I have always had a cat though. Does that not count as a pet? I don’t tend to take her on walks though or talk about her constantly

OP it’d be a real shame if you started to notice a streaming nose/hives regularly after your walks and realised you were sadly quite allergic to daschund dander...

Honestly I feel you OP. Theres a certain person who gets a dog and its their everything. They will talk about their dog all the time and you've got to be appropriately enamoured with their dog. A quick pat is not good enough, youyou'got to love that bloody dog

Children are more interesting than dogs. They change, they grow, hearing about someone's dog is really really boring. irs probably the most boring topic I can think of. Some people will show you endless pictures of their dog and there's only so many times you can say 'aw cute'.

Some people when they get a dog just become really tedious. But I guess friendships do change, and there's other reasons why the walks might not happen anymore.

Friendships evolve. Children change things. Dogs change things. I would be quite happy to meet a friend for a long walk if I could bring my dog too. But if that wasn't possible, or wanted, whilst it would be absolutely fine, would limit me to the four hours I would be prepared to leave him alone for.