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Original poster

Mil mostly feeding toddler soup

129 replies

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 10:28

Just wanted to rant really but not give too much detail away as it might be outing.
Basically my nearly 1 year old is being looked after once a week by mil for a whole day, which we are both grateful for as it saves us a lot of money, but there's one thing that really grinds my gears. . She mainly feeds him just soup and avocado's every time he's there.

I wouldn't have a problem with this but it really upsets his tummy and gives him diarrhea, I think because he's not having enough solid food that day as he's fine the rest of the week.
Dh has already brought this up once before.. She's very peculiar about food as she has gluten intolerance and an autoimmune condition so thinks wheat is bad, potatoes are bad, cereals etc anything not organic is full of 'toxins' and and she's just been getting worse.

She also says nursery just feeds him crap when I actually think it looks pretty healthy, chicken dinners, pasta nutritious food, more nutrious then her just giving him the same stuff every week.
She is generally quite nice but very stubborn in her ways, not sure what to do about it really, but like I said it upsets his tummy and gives him runny poos to be fed mostly soup (and I have to deal with the end result!).

OP posts:

Crowsaregreat · 28/04/2021 14:24

Tell her your child has a dodgy tummy every time he goes there, and work out better food that she would be happy to feed him. Kids need lots of carbs, if she doesn't want to give him wheat or potatoes, what would she be happy with? You could try showing NHS guidelines on what to feed small children, they definitely need more than just vegetables!

Ultimately if she's not going to give him food that provides for his nutritional needs/doesn't give him an upset stomach, he can't keep going there.

What does she eat? Is she getting the nutrition she needs? It sounds like she is very anxious about food.

danceswithdustbins · 28/04/2021 14:36

People are saying talk to her and you keep replying that you have already done that and nothing has changed; short of one of us couriering a lunch over what do you want us to say?! The only option, literally the only thing you can do is keep talking to her or move him

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2021 14:38

You can have an oral allergy to avocados as they’re high in histamines. You eat an avocado, your body reacts, and your immune system tries to destroy it. The symptoms tend to include itching in your lips, mouth, or throat. It can also lead to stomach issues similar to IBS”

Oo I have oral allergy to a few things grapes and kiwi is the worst but I've never had a stomach upset from it this explains the avocado reaction,

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families

Floralnomad · 28/04/2021 14:45

I’ve not read the whole thread so apologies if I’m repeating things . If your MIL is actually coeliac as opposed to having a gluten intolerance then she is correct that for her eating gluten could lead to stomach cancer as it is a possibility. It also may be worth getting your child tested as coeliac disease ( which is an autoimmune disease) n be familial . Not having gluten for a day is not going to upset his tummy .

FizzyApricot · 28/04/2021 14:46

@danceswithdustbins

I agree with this. It doesn't matter if you'll be worse off. If she won't work with you to try and improve his symptoms eg. Try cutting out the avacado. Feed something other than soup. Then he needs to be removed from that situation.

Homehaircuts · 28/04/2021 14:48

Personally I would tell your mil that you are trying to figure out what's causing his tummy issues and while you are doing this you will give him his food (from home) that you think he is ok with and she has to feed only that. Give it a couple of weeks and then let her return to her food but she has to write down what's in it. If the tummy issues come back things need to start being eliminated one at a time and see if it clears up. Or you could (if his tummy issues clear up with your food) just tell her it's easier to stick to just that. If she refuses this then no I wouldn't allow her to look after him.

nancywhitehead · 28/04/2021 15:07

[quote BountyIsUnderrated]@mrsjayy maybe it is the avocado that doesn't agree with him, he does have a few allergies already so we are under a dietician.
I will have to ask what is in the soup but it could be a combination of things.[/quote]
If he has allergies and the things she is feeding him are upsetting his tummy then she is not looking after him properly.

If she can't look after him properly and feed him what he needs then you should not be leaving him with her. It sounds like she has some issues around food herself and is projecting that onto your son - not healthy especially if he has allergies and intolerances. She needs to learn to put that nonsense to one side when she is looking after him and give him what he needs.

BillieSpain · 28/04/2021 15:31

I think she doesn't particularly want to look after him or see it as a 'treat', just wants to be granny. Which is prfectly fine and acceptable. A 1 year old ALL day from early till bedtime is a lot.

Sort of thing I did when I was exhausted or very ill, as a single mother, I'd make soup or cereal and a banana with avocado mashed up.

How old is she?

Just have to pay for childcare it seems!

BillieSpain · 28/04/2021 15:34

Oh yes, I agree with PP that toast and jam at nursery is not going to be good for him either! Along with the rest of the things they say are healthy.

minniemomo · 28/04/2021 15:45

Soup per se won't be the cause, it's likely to be an ingredient in the soup- what kind? One day a week having soup isn't going to be an issue in itself

LoveSleeping · 28/04/2021 15:52

Soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner is not a healthy or balanced diet for the day. No carbs for a start- little kids need carbs to give them energy and fill them up.

And something that happens only on that day (only eating soup?) is actually making your child unwell.

So you need to tell her either she feeds your child the food you send along with him (a pack up) so he doesn't get diahorrea and eats a wider variety of food OR you will put him in paid childcare where they feed him appropriately.

She does not sound like a nice grandmother btw, she sounds controlling and like she's prioritising her food issues over her grandchild's health and well-being.

minniemomo · 28/04/2021 15:52

Send her a recipe for chicken, veg and brown rice soup. It's very healthy (so meats her remit) and completely balanced. My kids at that age also ate salmon noodle soup, again veggies, protein, carbs all in a soup

TheTeenageYears · 28/04/2021 16:01

Where allergies are concerned the gold standard is food illumination. For a child who is already under a dietitian's care you have no idea what he is being fed one day out of 7. You should tell MIL that under doctors orders you need to know exactly what DS is eating so you will send all food to her and he can't have anything else. He is a little child who is still developing and growing, she is an ageing women with very different nutritional needs. If she can't give him what is provided she can't look after him as it's not in DS's best interests.

Chatanooga1 · 28/04/2021 17:37

I suppose you could let him stay overnight after she’s had him so that he squits in her spare bed or on her carpet so that she can get an idea of what her feeding him does to him.

I0NA · 28/04/2021 18:06

Soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner is not a healthy or balanced diet for the day. No carbs for a start- little kids need carbs to give them energy and fill them up

Chicken and vegetable soup will contain carbs, they are in most vegetables. Especially the root vegetables that are most commonly used in soup.

The Op said that Gm also gives him cheese and other finger foods. And avocado contains a lot of healthy fat.

Babies get energy from all sorts of food. How do you think they survive on milk alone for the first 6 months and then milk as a major part of their diet for another 6 months or more?

What baby is eating at GM seems a lot more healthy that some of the alternatives suggested on this, such a pasta and processed baby food.

There’s nothing wrong with soup for breakfast - in some Asian countries soup is the most common breakfast food.

MsSquiz · 28/04/2021 18:32

If you can't trust someone to give your child a prescribed medicine or to give the food to take with your child (not asking them to buy addition foods) you should not be leaving your child there!

Anyone who continued to give my child food that makes them repeatedly unwell, wouldn't still be providing childcare - be that a family member or a paid child care provider.

You need to make other arrangements for your child, not having a friendly chat with your MiL and trying to avoid offending her, when she clearly doesn't care about offending you and making your child unwell!

MouseholeCat · 28/04/2021 19:26

Are you giving her money towards feeding him? It's really weird to give a child the same soup for multiple meals in a day, could she be reducing the costs of trying to feed him organic by doing this?

I think you need to stop worrying about offending her and take a stronger stance on this. You child gets sick from things they are being fed in her care, she needs to understand why and solve it.

FictionalCharacter · 29/04/2021 01:25

Why are so many people defending this MIL and her bonkers ideas about food? Veg soup for 3 meals a day isn't normal, imposing your own food obsessions on your grandchild isn't normal, refusing to give the child the packed lunch his own mother made is undermining the mother and is not normal, refusing to give medication is completely out of order and potentially dangerous. And because of her the child gets diarrhoea every time she looks after him.
Sorry OP, however nice you think she is, this is not good. She shouldn't be looking after a child.

alexdgr8 · 29/04/2021 02:06

ok i know next to nothing about child-care.
but,
the more i read, the more concerned i am.
this is a small child, pre-verbal and totally dependent on those around him.
something is wrong when he is with MIL.
you have tried to discuss the situation with her, to no avail.
maybe the food hygiene there is not up to standard.
the little fellow is suffering thereby. every week.
you need to rescue him from this unnecessary bad experience.
however much it costs. take out a loan. you are too submissive to MIL.
her issues are her problems. don't let your child suffer because of them. please remove him from this situation.
it is gone past discussion. you shouldn't have to persuade her to look after him properly, feed him appropriately, give him his medication.
that's the bare minimum. forget about offending her. step up and be a parent. protect him. she won't. look at how she behaved over the formula feeding. whose interest was that in. not his nor yours.
all the best.

Quaagars · 29/04/2021 02:14

There's nothing wrong with soup or avocados, love both.
How do you know it's that that is giving the dodgy stomach?
They're fairly bland foods.
Assuming hasn't whacked loads of cream or milk in the soup and is just vegetables

Just seen this
It sounds like he has some sort of intolerance to something in the soup.
like I was saying then...
Is there anything like milk proteins in there? Very common for shop bought soups.
Also even if making soup yourself can be present in stock cubes for example.

Quaagars · 29/04/2021 02:18

@Couchbettato
It's absolutely normal for babies and toddlers to have diarrhea after consuming lots of fruit and vegetables and presumably the soup is vegetable based

Haa, same, that's what I was thinking lol - I love veg soup and avocados, but can fart like a good 'un after loads of veg

mathanxiety · 29/04/2021 02:59

The only solution is to have your DH read her the riot act.

Pack meals and snacks for DS. Tell MIL he is to have this packed food on the days he spends with her.

He is your child and you call the shots.

HoppingPavlova · 29/04/2021 03:06

It must be something IN the soup as soup I self doesn’t give diarrhoea. You can purée all foods and won’t get diarrhoea, that’s not how it works.

Torvean · 29/04/2021 03:35

There's no gluten in potatoes. Ppl with coeliac can still eat them. Was your MIL diagnosed?

Id find it odd that 1 portion of soup would not give him diarrhoea. Is your MIL a hygienic cook??

Try cutting the avocado , see if it still happens. Or just give her a packed lunch.

Happyhappyday · 29/04/2021 04:19

So no way is too much liquid causing runny poos, that’s not how digestion works? Much more likely something he’s eating is doing it. But weird she does it for all meals but agree that if you don’t like what she feeds him then send your own food. If she doesn’t want to feed him what you send then you have to make other childcare arrangements. She’s not your servant.

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