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Original poster

Mil mostly feeding toddler soup

129 replies

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 10:28

Just wanted to rant really but not give too much detail away as it might be outing.
Basically my nearly 1 year old is being looked after once a week by mil for a whole day, which we are both grateful for as it saves us a lot of money, but there's one thing that really grinds my gears. . She mainly feeds him just soup and avocado's every time he's there.

I wouldn't have a problem with this but it really upsets his tummy and gives him diarrhea, I think because he's not having enough solid food that day as he's fine the rest of the week.
Dh has already brought this up once before.. She's very peculiar about food as she has gluten intolerance and an autoimmune condition so thinks wheat is bad, potatoes are bad, cereals etc anything not organic is full of 'toxins' and and she's just been getting worse.

She also says nursery just feeds him crap when I actually think it looks pretty healthy, chicken dinners, pasta nutritious food, more nutrious then her just giving him the same stuff every week.
She is generally quite nice but very stubborn in her ways, not sure what to do about it really, but like I said it upsets his tummy and gives him runny poos to be fed mostly soup (and I have to deal with the end result!).

OP posts:

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 12:59

@megan2018

She writes down what she gives him.

Last week it was soup brunch, soup dinner a little bit of finger food and more soup after.

The other day she had him for a couple of hours, some soup and an avocado she wrote.
It seems to be the main thing she gives him idk why though. His tummy was definitely worse this week than normal as it smelt foul (sorry).

She is really controlling when it comes to food but sometimes if DH talks to her quite sternly she comes around, I know she thinks she's doing what's best by feeding him 'healthy' food but there is definitely a lack of variety at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 13:02

@sunshinecake

It's not really 'upsetting' him just makes him a bit looser but we are moving him on to cows milk soon.
There is a difference as on the soup days its more liquid and smells off.

OP posts:

endoftherow · 28/04/2021 13:06

I'd be sending him with some gluten free bread to have a cheese sandwich for lunch. Gluten free oats too if he's there for breakfast.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families

Miasicarisatia · 28/04/2021 13:10

Make it clear in a nice way that you're not prepared to tolerate this and if she doesn't feed him what you want she won't be looking after him anymore
She's trying to pull rank over you and assert her dominance as head of the family, you should nip it in the bud now or she'll be walking all over you

Megan2018 · 28/04/2021 13:10

@BountyIsUnderrated why would you want anyone controlling around food to be feeding your child? They won’t change and will pass on their disordered eating behaviour. It’s hugely important for baby/toddler diets to eat as a social activity and to eat a variety of foods.
Any weird behaviour now could have lasting damage. There’s not a chance in hell I’d allow my child in that environment.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2021 13:15

Haven’t RTWT, so apologies. Does she understand that he is old enough for more lumpy chewy food, ie pretty much most things with a few exceptions. Does she maybe think he should still be on early weaning foods?? Is she nervous of him choking?

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 13:18

@megan2018

It's only once a week and they are really helpful otherwise and do a lot for us.

He has normal food in nursery, normal at home, it's only really that one day she's restrictive.

I could try suggesting gluten free products maybe, my dh has said he is happy to broach it with her this week and see what she says.

OP posts:

Nonmaquillee · 28/04/2021 13:20

Not read all the comments but for this reason alone, I never had family members - despite living nearby - look after any of my children.

Bit the bullet financially and put him in nursery / with a childminder for the day. When you pay for the "service", they have obligations to fulfil; if you say - please don't feed him X because it will upset his tummy, they have to listen to you.

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 13:20

@bikerunski

We have a nephew that has serious eating problems (her grandson) and will only eat yoghurt so maybe that's partly where she gets it from.

We have reminded them before and they have introduced finger foods but still not as meals so maybe they just don't realise.

OP posts:

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 13:21

Also before anyone assumes anything the nephew has serious issues from birth not because of mil, also suspected learning difficulties but we don't know what yet.

OP posts:

Tonkerbea · 28/04/2021 13:31

[quote BountyIsUnderrated]@megan2018

It's only once a week and they are really helpful otherwise and do a lot for us.

He has normal food in nursery, normal at home, it's only really that one day she's restrictive.

I could try suggesting gluten free products maybe, my dh has said he is happy to broach it with her this week and see what she says.

We have pressed her on a lot of things like this and she has backed off but this is one area that is hard to control unfortunately. I don't mind if the food is healthy but I'm not happy if he's having an upset tummy there's clearly something not agreeing with him there.[/quote]
What other things have you had to 'press her on'? When it comes to your child's health, it's ok to be assertive. If she won't adhere to your wishes, perhaps you could look for a childminder instead of a day nursery - might be more cost effective?

Original poster

BountyIsUnderrated · 28/04/2021 13:42

@tonkerbea

I talked about feeding formula back when I was starting bf and she went on a spiel about how breast is best and good for the brain and formula was poison.

I couldn't get the baby to latch and this was the start of covid so no one would come out to see me.
After spending 3 weeks solidly on the sofa trying to build up supply and having an exhausted baby crying for food on me all day losing weight, I had a mental breakdown and felt like I was going to hurt myself and the baby.
After the third time she mentioned it I told DH she had to stop talking about bf being good for the baby and she hasn't mentioned it since.
Things have been fine since I moved to formula and my mh is a lot better now.

We've run the maths unfortunately we would really struggle to pay for more childcare, we would not be entitled to any benefits and working less would be just as worse off.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 28/04/2021 13:46

We've run the maths unfortunately we would really struggle to pay for more childcare, we would not be entitled to any benefits and working less would be just as worse off.

But there comes a point where you shouldn't use someone for childcare if they're putting your child's health at risk which she may be depending on why the soup is causing an upset stomach.

What would you do for childcare if your MIL broke her leg or became incapacitated and couldn't care for him?

Caspianberg · 28/04/2021 13:47

If she has celiacs and can’t have any gluten, then surely she has some gluten free options anyway.
If not, a bag of gluten free oats will be enough porridge for a baby for months. Just buy a bag and leave at hers.

She must herself eat more food than just soup? What does she eat for three meals?

Can you make something like a casserole with mash at home, and just freeze lots of baby size portions and take one out each day he goes there.

If she isn’t confident for whatever reason, it just seems easier to provide his meals for now

Tal45 · 28/04/2021 13:48

To be honest I doubt he'd have a healthier meal than an organic home made soup, certainly much more nutritious than the cheap and often vegetable free/ battery chicken/ processed stuff they'd get at a nursery which is all about profit. I know what my son has at school and how they can pretend it's nutritious is beyond me, since the pandemic started they don't even bother with vegetables the one day a week he has it.
The fact that you think giving him more liquids is causing an upset stomach is incorrect. Giving someone extra water will never cause upset stomach. Either he has a problem with something in the liquid - and if it's milk then he may have issues with dairy - or the issue is something else he is eating. Avocado makes my son throw up so he may be sensitive to that. If there is onion and or garlic in the soup he may be sensitive to that (as I am). It certainly sounds like food sensitivities run in your DH's family.

I would start by asking her to keep with the soup but stop the avocado as that's the simplest thing to rule out - perhaps tell her you really want her help to try to work out what is causing his stomach issues and you want to stop all avocado but you'd love her to keep going with the really healthy soup. Hopefully the upset stomach will stop and you'll know what the issue is.

FishyFriday · 28/04/2021 13:51

Have you had him tested for coeliac disease OP? It's got a genetic component in many cases and he might have inherited it from your MIL.

Yummymummy2020 · 28/04/2021 13:56

To be honest if I had a load of soup I would get the runs too I think! It’s kind of a one time a day thing I would have thought for most people. I would second people saying send him with food rather than leaving her to decide the menu as that isn’t working for you! It’s a messy situation if you are genuinely out of other options for childcare but it is true that if you pay for a service you have more leeway. She should just respect your wishes though and if I knew a food was upsetting a child’s stomach I wouldn’t want to give it so it does sound like a bit of a weird power thing!

Miasicarisatia · 28/04/2021 13:58

maybe they just don't realise
Maybe the Pope isn't Catholic.... stop giving them the benefit of the doubt ,they know exactly what they're doing, they are playing you

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2021 13:59

If he is getting homemade soup for all his meals then his poo is going to be naturally runny and smelly I think you need to just tell her his tummy is runny he needs to lay off the soup for a while if you want her to look after him you or Dh need to lay it out straight to her. People who are "funny " about food are exhausting i would keep at his packed lunches and say you are checking his "nappies so this is what he has to eat from now on.

Miasicarisatia · 28/04/2021 13:59

Mother-in-law knows full well that she has all the power here because you can't afford childcare and she's milking it

Tonkerbea · 28/04/2021 14:03

[quote BountyIsUnderrated]@tonkerbea

I talked about feeding formula back when I was starting bf and she went on a spiel about how breast is best and good for the brain and formula was poison.

We've run the maths unfortunately we would really struggle to pay for more childcare, we would not be entitled to any benefits and working less would be just as worse off.[/quote]
I'm really sorry you had such a hard experience.

Your MIL doesn't sound like she's a kind person. If she won't listen, your DH needs to try again, what does he make of her snide comments and unwillingness to respect your wishes?

Narwhalsh · 28/04/2021 14:04

My dad is a bit like this with organic food, makes comments when he visits... but he doesn’t visit much so it’s manageable!

She can make him a varied organic menu easy enough but it does sound like there’s maybe something in the soup that’s giving him some upset-celery for example? Organic meat is more expensive but widely available. You could mention that he needs to get used to more textures and flavours as a baby to help avoid being picky when he’s older (although in my experience, unavoidable with toddlers!!) or that you want him feeding himself more (eg baby led) in which case the soup won’t be an option anymore!

Carbara · 28/04/2021 14:14

She refuses to give the baby his medicine, you cannot leave him with her. Jfc.

YoniAndGuy · 28/04/2021 14:15

@BountyIsUnderrated

I guess I can trying insisting again but we've already spoken to her twice about it, she's very stubborn and I don't want to offend her. She wouldn't even administer my baby his medication instead trying to give him a more natural topical treatment so we pushed that. (thankfully he's not too bad and it's only once a week) If it happens again this week we may have to have another word :( I've definitely noticed if I give him too much to drink he's runnier but he's fine the rest of the week and in nursery.

Ok you need to offend her and send him to nursery. You can't have this situation. The medication thing is way, way NOT ok. If she won't repsect your parenting decisions, she can see him occasionally as Granny. The end.

EasterEggBelly · 28/04/2021 14:23

@BountyIsUnderrated
OP it’s the avocado’s causing IBS type symptoms:

“You can have an oral allergy to avocados as they’re high in histamines. You eat an avocado, your body reacts, and your immune system tries to destroy it. The symptoms tend to include itching in your lips, mouth, or throat. It can also lead to stomach issues similar to IBS”

My DC was diagnosed with allergies under the age of 1. The dietician gave us a list of foods to avoid. Avacados were on it.

Google it. There’s loads of info on it. I got the above quote from this site.

www.allergycliniclondon.co.uk/three-less-common-food-allergies-you-might-not-know-about/

Ask your Mil to stop the avacados and I’m sure you’ll see an improvement.

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