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Original poster

Grandson strong will and determination he's 1and a half

103 replies

SickofCovid · 27/04/2021 20:03

OK, my daughter just called me sobbing. It took her 1hr and 30 mins to get her little boy back to her car after been in the playground. He lost the plot, screaming crying. Throwing himself down like a tantrum. This is a constant battle with him. Literally wants to do his own thing. Doesn't want to get into car seat, doesn't want Mum or Dad to put on his shoes. Doesn't want them help feed him. Regardless what they do, he just wants his own way all the time. My poor daughter actually believes her son hates her with his actions. He wouldn't be as bad for his dad. Has anyone any words of comfort, advice on how to deal with him, any opinions would be so helpful.

OP posts:

CadburyCake · 27/04/2021 20:09

He’s eighteen months? Unless she has a physical disability why on earth didn’t she just pick him up, stick him under her arm and put him in the car? Sounds like an entirely typical, probably tired, toddler to me.

Ostryga · 27/04/2021 20:12

He sounds like a typical toddler, he doesn’t hate her, he’s testing boundaries because that’s what kids do!

Why didn’t she just pick him up? I know they can be buggers for getting back into car seats, but sometimes you do literally have to kneel on them to get them strapped in.

Get her to put him in a harness that comes with reins. I never used to use the harness but it was very handy for picking up small, screams toddler by and avoiding being kicked in the face.

She just has to crack on tbh. He’s so little, he doesn’t have the ability to stop his emotions to make her feel better, it’s his parents job to guide him.

How’s his sleep?

Ostryga · 27/04/2021 20:13

I never used to use the reins! I used the harness all the time

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Calmyertits · 27/04/2021 20:14

Dd is 17months and is a challenge at best BUT i wont let her rule the roost. She went through i stage of not wanting to hold my hand if she was out of the buggy and would throw herself on the floor or swing by her wrist, so id just pick her up until she stopped and tell her again, hold hands or no walk. Re direction worked really well, i give her dandelions or tell her quick quick and we run together. Had no problems as of late.

mogtheexcellent · 27/04/2021 20:14

Dungarees are amazing. I'm surprised I don't see more kids in them tbh.

Yes at that age I picked a screaming dd up, carried her to the car and held her down (firmly not roughly) while I strapped her in. We were in the car park of her nursery . Your DD needs to be more no nonsense.

i did call my mum sobbing afterwards though. It had been a tough day

Theunamedcat · 27/04/2021 20:15

Just pick him up you don't negotiate with terrorists

alabaster11 · 27/04/2021 20:16

Doesn't want to leave the playground or get in the car seat? Chocolate treat/bribe

Doesn't want help feeding him? Then don't, let him feed himself.

Pick your battles! And always have snacks/treats when out and about.

Mum sounds a little wet here. She's the adult and it shouldn't take 1.5hrs to get 18m old in to the car.

CadburyCake · 27/04/2021 20:17

“ you don't negotiate with terrorists”

Exactly the line I used with me!!

CarmelBeach · 27/04/2021 20:17

@Theunamedcat

Just pick him up you don't negotiate with terrorists

This made me laugh so much

I agree though

And no treats or bribes, that's just going to teach a whole new way to get what he wants.

User27aw · 27/04/2021 20:18

An hour and a half! Why didnt she just pick him up and put him in the car seat. Have done this which a trantruming toddler many times. It is stressful but you have to take control.

Popskipiekin · 27/04/2021 20:18

I remember this age. We didn’t have a car so pushchair all the way - and you did sometimes have to bung em in, do the straps up and go on your merry way oblivious to yells. A very tricky time. Snacks, masses of distracting snacks, can help.

MySocalledLoaf · 27/04/2021 20:22

Mine got a chance or two to follow a polite request then I said calmly ok, I will have to pick you up and put you in if you won’t get in. Then ignore the screaming.

TrinityWaves · 27/04/2021 20:24

I agree with the above posts... pick your battles and just scoop him up.

user1493494961 · 27/04/2021 20:26

I remember those days well, especially when they go rigid when you're trying to do up the straps.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2021 20:29

Toddlers were made small so you can pick them up.
I'm sure your Daughter is having a hard time, but seriously, who is in charge here?
She's doing him no favours as the other parents in the playground will avoid like the plague.

Ostryga · 27/04/2021 20:30

@user1493494961

I remember those days well, especially when they go rigid when you're trying to do up the straps.

This was the worst. The surf board baby, how do they have that much strength?!

I basically had to sit on Dd to get her to bend enough to do the straps up 😂

Pinkywoo · 27/04/2021 20:32

My DS is 18 months and very strong, he never wants to leave the park so I pick him up, stuff him in the pushchair and quickly get walking. As soon aa we're out of the park he stops screaming, or in the car once we get moving. They're too little to reason with, you just have to fold them in half to strap them in and go temporarily deaf!

PolarnOPirate · 27/04/2021 20:34

Agree with all the PPs. I don’t like how it is coming across in OP that the son is the problem and needs to change. No 18 month old is the problem!

YellowGlasses · 27/04/2021 20:35

Sounds normal to me. I’ll never forget the day I had one under each arm like a surf board whilst very slowly walking up a steep hill to get to the car. It put me going out with both of them to remote places for ages.

Why can’t he put on his shoes though? If given them and allowed the time to attempt it, he’ll probably either succeed or else be pleased he was listened to and not mind being helped.

PolarnOPirate · 27/04/2021 20:35

Also in all aspects of life, you can’t control how someone else behaves. You can only control how you behave and how you react to situations. So the mum needs to not lose her head, not let things go on for 1.5hrs, etc etc. It is hard but it’s normal!

FasterthanBolt · 27/04/2021 20:36

Oh, I have many memories of doing the old knee to the chest routine to get my toddlers to fold into a pushchair/car seat. Bribery is her friend at this age.

Synthesiser · 27/04/2021 20:38

All sounds normal but you do have to just make them do things sometimes rather than spend hours cajoling so they end up overtired and more distressed. I remember dd being exactly like that but she grew into quite a well behaved child. They don't have much control over themselves under 3.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2021 20:39

I still remember carrying Dd under one arm and a buggy full of shopping under the other to get her on a train.
She was cold, and fed up and pissed off, as was I.
I'd tried the coaxing, it wasn't happening so tough Mum made an appearance.
Within 5 minutes she was quite happy chatting away, warm with her chocolate buttons on the train.
Sometimes you have to get tough because its what's best for them.

hiredandsqueak · 27/04/2021 20:50

Dgs 23 months is much the same for dd tbh. He's never cried when I have him and I have him three days a week. Not sure what the difference is tbh, he probably feels far more comfortable with his Mama so more confident about expressing his displeasure. I'm a bit old school and just expect that he does as I say and it seems to work for now anyway. Dd likes to get his agreement which, as I tell her, gives him the opportunity to say no.

MargaretThursday · 27/04/2021 21:00

I found at that age mine began to react to a choice well. So "do you want your right shoe on first or your left?" type choice. Often it gives them the illusion of control so they are happier.
Although I did have a number of times where I was stopped to be told that did I know my dd had her coat on backwards. Yes at 18 months she naturally could put it on herself, and do all the buttons up to the neck backwards... 🙄

But if they don't respond to that, yes, pick up (like a rugby ball is quite good at that age because it supports them well and keeps their arms and legs unable to do any damage to you) and put in buggy/car seat. Once they're in, if they're calm give them praise (and maybe a treat). If they're not calm. Ignore.

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