Grandson strong will and determination he's 1and a half

[SickofCovid]

OK, my daughter just called me sobbing. It took her 1hr and 30 mins to get her little boy back to her car after been in the playground. He lost the plot, screaming crying. Throwing himself down like a tantrum. This is a constant battle with him. Literally wants to do his own thing. Doesn't want to get into car seat, doesn't want Mum or Dad to put on his shoes. Doesn't want them help feed him. Regardless what they do, he just wants his own way all the time. My poor daughter actually believes her son hates her with his actions. He wouldn't be as bad for his dad. Has anyone any words of comfort, advice on how to deal with him, any opinions would be so helpful.

My DS is like this at 2 but I've learnt not to give in. It's mummy's way or no way. He used to scare the shit out of me and make me feel anxious ever going out. It's exhausting. I pick him up and take him now. I try different ways. I put him on my shoulder sometimes as he calms down a little bit. The car seat or pushchair I just wrestle him but before I get to that final stage, I will start off by giving him something interesting to play with or a snack and quickly buckle him up while he is distracted. If not, brakes on the pushchair, left arm on the belly and pelvis. If he tries to slide out, pick him up again but bend him and place him there while holding him saying it's okay we are going here now. Don't react, go deaf and just calmly say it's okay.

@SickofCovid

Agree with all the PPs. I don’t like how it is coming across in OP that the son is the problem and needs to change. No 18 month old is the problem!

No where did I insinuate that my grandson is the problem. He's a year and a half, I know he just wants to be totally independent especially with lockdown here, he hasn't had much opportunity to visit playgrounds, baby groups etc. She's a first time mum trying her best and doesn't want to aggrevate the situations with him. I'm looking for advice and words of wisdom not accusations of throwing the kid under the bus because of his actions jeez!!

I had one strong willed like this. My solution was to give choices where possible, so as examples

1. Do you want your shoes or your trainers - not a total free choice, no nothing on feet, not wellies or whatever but give a choice
2. Do you want this red jumper or this blue one? Again not a free choice but a choice.
3. Do you want to climb into the car or do you want mummy to help.

Worked really well with mine. Good luck to your DD, it isn't easy.

There are some things that, imo, you just need to get your children to do. It's way too much to expect them to understand that being in their car seat isn't optional - they can't possibly rationalise "I don't want to be in my car seat, but it's safer for me when the car's moving". They just know they don't want to be in their car seat.

So you say, time to get into your car seat. They kick off, you repeat request a couple of times, and then you pick them up and put them in their car seat (using the various strategies above for when they pull the rigid thing).

For an older child you can try "we're not going anywhere until you're in your car seat", but for a younger child I think even that is too much to expect them to mentally absorb and make a decision about, and sometimes you don't have time to wait them out - might as well be consistent rather than some times letting them fanny about in the back seat until they decide to sit nicely, but other times insisting they get in now because you need to pick up sibling from school.