Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Grandson strong will and determination he's 1and a half

103 replies

SickofCovid · 27/04/2021 20:03

OK, my daughter just called me sobbing. It took her 1hr and 30 mins to get her little boy back to her car after been in the playground. He lost the plot, screaming crying. Throwing himself down like a tantrum. This is a constant battle with him. Literally wants to do his own thing. Doesn't want to get into car seat, doesn't want Mum or Dad to put on his shoes. Doesn't want them help feed him. Regardless what they do, he just wants his own way all the time. My poor daughter actually believes her son hates her with his actions. He wouldn't be as bad for his dad. Has anyone any words of comfort, advice on how to deal with him, any opinions would be so helpful.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 27/04/2021 21:02

Give choices - "shall we run or walk to the car? You choose what we do!"

Original poster
SickofCovid · 27/04/2021 21:02

Agree with all the PPs. I don’t like how it is coming across in OP that the son is the problem and needs to change. No 18 month old is the problem!

No where did I insinuate that my grandson is the problem. He's a year and a half, I know he just wants to be totally independent especially with lockdown here, he hasn't had much opportunity to visit playgrounds, baby groups etc. She's a first time mum trying her best and doesn't want to aggrevate the situations with him. I'm looking for advice and words of wisdom not accusations of throwing the kid under the bus because of his actions jeez!!

OP posts:
Tambora · 27/04/2021 21:05

Almost everyone has given advice and words of wisdom.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
CarmelBeach · 27/04/2021 21:06

@Tambora

Almost everyone has given advice and words of wisdom.
Yes Very confusing reply from OP.
LouLou198 · 27/04/2021 21:09

Some children are like this, my second daughter was/is. At times like this I would just scoop her up and like a previous poster has said, carried her like a surf board. Getting her strapped in the car/buggy was often hard work, and I would practically wrestle her at times to get shoes on! But it was just a phase, tell her to pick her battles. On the plus side dd2 is much more independent at a younger age, and always have wants to do everything for herself.

mynameiscalypso · 27/04/2021 21:10

I find it quite helpful to reframe tantrums. They're an important part of neurological development

NerrSnerr · 27/04/2021 21:11

When mine went rigid in the car seat I found a tickle to the tummy made them bend- made them furious (especially when it made them laugh when they were mid tantrum). I also remember a momentous walk home with the baby in the pram and having to carry a screaming 2 year old and her scooter while pushing. That was fun.

I echo what others said though, a small amount of negotiation and if that doesn't work they go under the arm and home we go.

OrchidLass · 27/04/2021 21:12

@SickofCovid Perhaps read your own OP and consider what you've written. You make it sound like this little boy is the problem which is, of course, ridiculous. Poor kid.

Original poster
SickofCovid · 27/04/2021 21:13

My apologies, I just didn't like what
PolarnOPirate said, she made it out like we are blaming my grandson.
So for all other posters, thanks so much for your input and advice, it is all glady received.

OP posts:
BabbleBee · 27/04/2021 21:13

Toddlers are soul suckers.

GintyMcGinty · 27/04/2021 21:14

She's just had a bad day.

Tell her to pour a big glass of wine and try to relax.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2021 21:14

@SickofCovid
Everyone is trying to help, and have pretty much all said the same thing.
I don't think anyone has fun with surfboard toddlers, or the knee to get them in the buggy/car seat, but it's what has to happen for their safety, and also to make them happy.
Chocolate buttons are a great sorry until you get home.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 27/04/2021 21:18

Oh lord. I am not looking forward to surfboard baby but I have chuckled at some of these!

worriedatthemoment · 27/04/2021 21:18

Most people have given advice ? Why are you defensive ,because they have said be tough and pick him up and carry him to car and put him in wether he wants to or not ?
Thats not being horrible just truthful your dd needs to take control of the situation he's 18 months , he shouldn't be the one dictating the situation .
Things like shoes why not let him do them if he can, he obviously likes to be a little independent
But when its time to leave the playground you leave

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2021 21:18

Sorry, but you need to tell your daughter to get a grip and take control. He's 18 months old, he doesn't get a vote. She picks him up and puts him in his car seat. End of debate.

gamerchick · 27/04/2021 21:18

I'm looking for advice and words of wisdom not accusations of throwing the kid under the bus because of his actions jeez!!

But that's what you've had. You pick up and carry. There isnt really much else you can do at that age

Dont want to wear shoes then great. Put tights on them so they don't have bare feet and use a stroller.

Doesn't want to be fed, fab. Strap him on his high chair and give him finger foods or let him attempt to get food into his mouth. Stick highchair on washable floor.

You don't negotiate really at that age imo.

worriedatthemoment · 27/04/2021 21:21

But your daughter is prob just exhausted as well and be tougher at moment with lockdown etc and baby probably not getting out as much until recently
Remind her most things are a phase and they do generally grow out of them

00100001 · 27/04/2021 21:22

When leaving park. Give CLEAR instructions as to when they're leaving.

Not "5 more minutes," but something like "2 more goes on the slide, then we go." Then "ok, last go, we're going after this turn" etc.

Kids don't understand time. You may as well be telling him "5 more ANOO-NOOS".

Then distract distract distract of he shows signs of resistance.

Ask things like " shall we run out if the park or go in the buggy/ Iets race to the car! " Etc

terrywynne · 27/04/2021 21:23

At that age I very much picked my battles and tried to give them the chance tonne in control some of the time (after all a lot of the time they have so little control over anything that a tiny bit of control can feel amazing).

So, if we had no rush or deadlines (and at least as a first time mum she wont have the other child to do school runs with etc) i would let him try to do his shoes. Or we would go for a walk where we went where he wanted at his speed, even if it was a slow meander that got us nowhere. Or I would stay at the park longer than I had intended if we had nothing to get back for. And I used to offer this or that choices (though I don't think he really understood those until he was a bit older).

Then, on the days when something had to be done at that time no matter what, ibhad to wrestle a toddler but at least it wasn't every day.

Pob13 · 27/04/2021 21:23

@mynameiscalypso

I find it quite helpful to reframe tantrums. They're an important part of neurological development
Can you explain what you mean by this? My 2 year old has epic tantrums and I am useless at handling them.
00100001 · 27/04/2021 21:25

If he's 18 months old, he shouldn't need any help eating, surely?

Maybe helpingscrape the last spoons of yoghurt/soup etc out of the bowl fine. But he should be feeding himself by now. He should able to use a fork and a spoon. And if all else fails, his fingers.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2021 21:28

They don't grow out of getting everything their own way if it's never taught, and we all know that child...
As much as I avoided them, I felt sorry for them.

JayDot500 · 27/04/2021 21:28

I sometimes catch a glimpse of my 16month old in the mirror when he's under my arm in a surfboard hold. He no longer cries after I hold him in this way, his face looks so cute although it's got defeat written all over it 🤣. Sometimes I intentionally pass the mirror so I can absorb his cuteness after the uncute shenanigans that got him there.

Thelnebriati · 27/04/2021 21:31

There's a really good article on tantrums here;

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/tantrums

Chatanooga1 · 27/04/2021 21:32

Pick up and carry them whilst refusing to engage whilst they are screaming is what I recommend .