Something like MN but not MN

[tiggeri]

I have really enjoyed being on MN but recently getting a bit fed up of some of it. Is there a similar forum? Not netmums!

It's the constant trans bashing and a sort of vibe of anti left that seems to be trickling through. Also I find that most people are middle class and wealthy, I'd like a forum that's a bit more diverse.

Reddit or MSE are ok. I like MN generally but I do sometimes get bored swerving the racism, anti-Trans and snobbishness about social housing tenants amongst other things

I have similar feelings. I find the trans-bashing particularly difficult to stomach, and being working class, a lot of the things discussed are a little alien to me.

There's an awful lot of judgement on here for things that I consider acceptable and commonplace, and I suspect many posters would be horrified by some aspects of my life!

I suppose I'd rather be somewhere that I fit in, which is why I tend to lurk rather than post.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Nobody said anything about affirmation, but not giving any support and instead asking about their child's genitals, which bathroom they will use and stating political opinions rather than offering any actual advice isn't on.

I know you didn't say anything about affirmation, but would you think it acceptable if someone said they didn’t believe that, for example, a girl could become a boy? And therefore that boys shouldn’t use the girls’ toilets?

Because if you’re not ok with people saying that that’s their belief, it is about affirmation.

How do I hide topics? Can I do this and still view the "active threads" part?

I know you didn't say anything about affirmation, but would you think it acceptable if someone said they didn’t believe that, for example, a girl could become a boy? And therefore that boys shouldn’t use the girls’ toilets?

Because if you’re not ok with people saying that that’s their belief, it is about affirmation.

I have seen people come here asking for support "My trans daughter has just come out, does anyone have any words of advice"

Answers ranging from "i felt that way as a kid, but worked through it, just give them time" - fine

To "well do you mean your kid has a penis or vagina, if they have a penis don't let them into the womens toilets this is disgusting our rights are being eroded" - not fine on that topic.

"Lots of kids who feel this way are autistic, have you had concerns about this before" - fine

"Hes not your daughter, he is your son, he will always be your son because chromosones" - not fine.

Answers don't need to be affirming, but they don't need to be blatantly rude, upsetting and with the aim of derailing a thread where someone asks for support so it looks like an FWR thread.

There isn't one other subject where it would be appropriate to talk about what genitals a child has and discuss their toilet habits.

He’s not your daughter, he is your son, he will always be your son because chromosones" - not fine.

But if it’s “not fine”, doesn’t that mean the OP on that thread wants people to say they believe the child has changed sex? I mean, that is affirmation, isn’t it? Or am I missing something?

Or are you saying no-one should say anything at all about the fact that you can’t change sex? That would make more sense, in a way, but you can’t force people to believe that is possible to change sex.

You could ask MN to make it part of talk guidelines that no-one is allowed to say people can’t change sex, but I can’t imagine many people would be happy with that.

" BrookofSea Wed 28-Apr-21 12:33:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request."

I didn't request to have my post removed. I've sent an email asking for clarification.

PistonHeads

You can hide topics on the website, not the app - just Google how to do it and it'll come up

But if it’s “not fine”, doesn’t that mean the OP on that thread wants people to say they believe the child has changed sex? I mean, that is affirmation, isn’t it? Or am I missing something?

There is a scared parent, dealing with a massive change in their child, and they have chosen to use the term 'daughter' and 'she/her', no part of berating the op is going to help, all it serves to do is scare the op away and isolate them further.

Just curious why you picked that part out, and you didn't say whether you agree with a forum full of adults discussing a posters child's genitals and toilet habits, when that wasn't what the poster asked. A bit creepy, don't you think?

There are appropriate threads to have discussions on, when a parent is asking for help it shouldn't be turned into another political debate by the same posters over and over again.

Just curious why you picked that part out, and you didn't say whether you agree with a forum full of adults discussing a posters child's genitals and toilet habits, when that wasn't what the poster asked. A bit creepy, don't you think?

Mainly because I’ve seen people posting comments that a male child is biologically someone’s son, not their daughter, but I’ve never seen anyone leaping straight into discussing a child’s genitals in response to someone asking for advice and support.

Maybe it does happen that way, with no additional discussion between those two viewpoints, but I’ve never seen it.

Tbh if I had to constantly monitor a forum for comments I felt were transphobic, keeping them in my head so I didn’t forget them, and yet still feeling nothing was being done apart from a few deletions here and there, I probably wouldn’t stay, more for my own mental health than anything else.

You have never seen someone say their daughter when talking about a transfemale with subsequent posters asking for clarification of genitalia? Surprising.

If you're referring to me, I don't have to constantly monitor anything, transphobic threads pop up pretty regularly and I report them when I see them. I'm not sure if you are aware how memory works or not, but I don't have to deliberately keep threads in my head at all, I probably have forgotten lots of them as well.

There is a scared parent, dealing with a massive change in their child, and they have chosen to use the term 'daughter' and 'she/her', no part of berating the op is going to help, all it serves to do is scare the op away and isolate them further.

As you have probably seen, pro trans posters often come on those LGBT children threads and berate "scared parents, dealing with a massive change in their child", who use sex based pronouns.

I think it’s very diverse in terms of class anyway (not sure about ethnicity). And if you avoid certain boards you will pretty much avoid trans convs.... but anyway, no, I think MN is quiet distinct.

As you have probably seen, pro trans posters often come on those LGBT children threads and berate "scared parents, dealing with a massive change in their child", who use sex based pronouns.

Nobody should be berating the parents in that situation. Its a fucking hideous place to be.

I'm not sure if you are aware how memory works or not, but I don't have to deliberately keep threads in my head at all, I probably have forgotten lots of them as well.

Actually it was you who said you keep the threads in your memory in response to someone asking how you could know there were transphobic threads if they’d been deleted. But your replies are getting quite snippy now, so I think I’m done with this exchange.

Yes, I remember things

Its not the first exchange I've had on here where poster only answer tiny parts of my questions that suit their narrative and then tell me they aren't talking to me any more. I daresay it won't be the last. I'll just assume that you're fairly rational and do think people discussing the genitalia of children is creepy, you don't have to lose face and agree, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt

This site isn’t middle class wealthy, look at any thread on wages, it’s hugely diverse.

I have often thought the same. I think some posters like to perceive MN as middle class and wealthy as that is how they would like to be perceived themselves.
It was through MN that I learned about the necessity of food banks in the UK, how people's salaries are made up with tax credits so they can survive, how people are at the mercy of GP's receptionists and wait days for an appt because they can't afford to pay to see a GP sooner.

When people ask about salaries, the six figure posters are the ones who jump on the threads.Yet if there is a thread wondering what to do if someone finds somebody else's wallet, the general consensus is often to pocket it! It is hugely diverse and I think, the truth is there are far more average and below salary posters here.

Pinkmagnolias what a weird post.

Are you saying that poorer people are dishonest and rich people morally superior? You'd be wrong there, poorer people tend to give to charity more than rich. There is no evidence to say that rich people are more likely to return a wallet, I'd say the opposite was probably true.

Also, who the hell pays to see a GP??

It is hugely diverse and I think, the truth is there are far more average and below salary posters here.

That's my observation too. Lots of posters seem to enjoy the 'We are wealthy, middle class posters on MN' image though. Funny.