Shock. Found separated husband dead.

[sleepraptor]

Separated from husband last year but still very good friends. He was meant to be coming for tea as kids and I had been away for a few days but didn't turn up. Knew something wasn't right. Found him dead at home. I think it must be sepsis or something similar. And he was at least a day dead I think. All the immediate police and ambulance stuff done and now home, kids in bed asleep.

I've tried to go to bed but my legs and hands feel like they're burning. Is that normal? I have clearly been in shock and was shaking and freezing for ages earlier but warmed up now. Just want to go to sleep now but worried in case not normal for this reaction.

I'm so sorry to read this OP 💐 Condolences on you and your family's loss.

Holy crap, OP. Yes, it's still the shock and likely will be for days yet.
So sorry

You poor soul, what a terrible shock you've had.
Personally I wouldn't have a bath just yet, in case you faint in the bath, leave it until you are feeling more steady in yourself.

Hot chocolate would be a great idea, could you manage toast & honey or jam? It's a long time since you've eaten so that might be making you feel a bit wobbly.

A sugary hot drink should help a little, keep your little ones close

What an awful shock.

No advice but sending strength x

Oh I'm so sorry op. This happened to my grandma when she went away for the weekend, found her DH dead when she returned. My dad was only young too.

You must be in such shock, take care of yourself and accept all the help that's offered to you.

I'm so sorry. That sounds awfully upsetting for you all. I lost someone close to me recently and I found that watching familiar, comforting tv was really useful. Nothing to dramatic or challenging. I re-watched previous series of ab fab and death in paradise over the course of a few weeks. It felt nice to have the background murmur of something on that didn't involve loads of concentration and was a bit of a distraction. Almost like having an old friend over who just lets you sit or potter and doesn't get in the way.

I think the experts say, in relation to the children, to be led by them. So if they want to go to school then let them, if they want to stay home that's fine too. Some older children can handle, and need more detail of what happened and what will happen now in order to process it. Younger ones will take in the info in a different way but to answer their questions honestly and let them lead the way.

Good luck, and try and get some sleep, you have some long days to come.

Have you got any brandy you can put in your hot drink to help warm you through & to sleep at least for tonight. You will have a hard week running around organising everything & you need your strength for that as well as caring for your dc who it probably hasn't hit home for yet.

Oh gosh what an awful shock for you and the children.

I don’t think there is a ‘normal’ reaction.

How old was he?

I’m so very sorry. It all sounds like a very normal reaction to a terrible shock. I’m glad your parents are close enough to help. Please look after yourself.

Oh god , what an awful thing to happen. I'm so very sorry. I think a cup of hot chocolate sounds like a good idea.

What an awful thing for you and the children to have to go through. I'm sorry this is happening to you all. Please talk to us if it helps.

That sounds really horrible. Hope you're okay.

What a terrible shock.

I’m so very sorry OP

You poor thing. My friends mum had a similar thing when my friend was 17. Her ex didnt turn up and when she went over to his flat she found him passed away on the sofa, he had had a brain hemorrhage. I remember her finding a lot of the numbness attributed to conflicting emotions. Whilst their separation wasnt awful, there was some of the usual nastiness that comes with a break up. Ultimately though she had loved him for a long time and felt awful for her children (my friend included) to loose their father. Look after yourself, dont be afraid to lean on people who want to help, seek assistance for managing your grief professionally for both you and your children. What an awful thing to happen.

I am so sorry, what a terrible shock and what a loss for you and your children, I know when similar happened me I couldn't eat. Coffee got me through.

I can’t imagine what you are going through. What a dreadful shock that must have been for you. For you all.

Have a good swig of water and a cup of hot chocolate or similar. And sleep. Or try to rest.

Time will help you process it and give your head a chance to catch up. Sleep will give you the strength to deal with it over the coming weeks.

Thinking of you

How terrible, you poor thing. Definitely try to eat something and drink some water. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your children.

You poor thing, that’s shocking and awful. Sounds like you are being incredibly strong and brave for your DC. I think you need something to eat, something to drink like tea, a brandy and to try to sleep. So sorry for you all.

I'm so sorry, how awful for you all. All the advice above is good, eat, drink (but not alcohol), and keep warm. If you don't get hold of anyone by text or feel you can't call or text anyone you might want to give the Samaritans a ring on 116 123.

I'm so sorry OP.
One of my best friends died suddenly last year, I've no idea how to cope when it's your ex.

Sending hugs

Keep hydrated my love. Sleep is probably what you need, after a hot drink. I’m so sorry for this dreadful shock.

Your reactions are perfectly normal. You've had a terrible shock and I am so sorry.

Have a warm, comforting drink and take a hot water bottle to bed. You probably think you won't sleep but you will.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
You've had a tremendous shock and your emotions will be all over the place for quite some time. I'm glad your parents are able to support you.