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If you kept your surname upon marriage, what is your title?

177 replies

LudoBear · 12/04/2021 07:32

Just that really!

Are you still Miss Maiden, Mrs Maiden, Ms Maiden or something else??

OP posts:
Parkandride · 12/04/2021 11:41

Ms, get the odd letter for Miss if its a bank account I've had for years or whatever - makes me feel about 12 but not enough to bother updating it

Deadringer · 12/04/2021 11:46

The term maiden name should be abolished imo. I have been Ms since i was about 12. a long time ago

Harriscap · 12/04/2021 11:47

Dr Cap.

Poppiesandfreesias · 12/04/2021 11:48

Ms Maiden

Rummikub · 12/04/2021 11:49

Ms
Occasionally miss.

Never mrs.

Harriscap · 12/04/2021 11:50

If no Dr option, I pick Mr, as that's only one letter wrong, whereas the others are "more wrong".

Unless they need to know my sex. In which case I'll grudgingly put Ms. But if the options are Miss, Mrs or Mr, then Mr is objectively the closest to my actual title, being only one letter wrong. I'm not a Miss or a Mrs, and don't wish to disclose my martial status, or give a title that isn't mine.

Of course, I could put supreme ruler of all that the light touches.

Anoisagusaris · 12/04/2021 11:53

I’ve always used Ms. I interchange between my maiden and married name and still use Ms. I don’t know anyone who ever uses Miss and only elderly women who use Mrs.

BoogleMcGroogle · 12/04/2021 12:14

Dr maiden name
Mrs or Dr married name (random, depending on the title I gave at the time of asking)

JohnnyEnglish · 12/04/2021 12:16

At work Miss Maiden Name, outside work generally Ms Maiden Name, anything to do with the kids’ school Mrs Maiden Name.

Breathmiller · 12/04/2021 12:21

On the subject of taking your father's name, yes, the surname I was given at birth was my father's. As was my brother. My brother has never been expected to change his on marriage though. It's his name. He was MasterMiller as a child then when he became an adult he was given the respected title as an adult male of MrMiller.

I on the other hand traditionally would have been MissMiller as a child but would have stayed the child version until I was a "respectable married woman and took MrsDhName"

I advocate the titles (if ever needed- which I'm not sure they are as much as we think) as...

Boy - master (which has gone out of fashion).
Man - Mr.

Girl - Miss
Woman - Ms (or some other title , I'm not attached to the letters, but a title that is recognised when I change from child to adult- not unmarried to married- Ms does that for me).

As an aside, my children also all have their father's surname. It was something I wasn't bothered about. I had my first two children quite young and although I was together with their dad we were unmarried (my choice). I felt people were more likely to think he may not be their dad, perhaps a step dad. Or just my partner and not their biological dad. I didn't have that worry for myself. I suppose I felt that I carried them, gave birth to them and felt a tie that didnt need a name. It was discussed though. And neither my ex partner or my now husband just presumed that would be the case. We talked over it together and came to a decision we were both happy with, just as we jointly chose their first names.

I understand that other couples/parents will do differently though. Double-barrelled, taking the mother's name or choosing something completely different as a whole family.

I also accept that it's everyone's choice to change their name on marriage if that's what they choose, I just don't like the presumption that women should automatically change their name and as in my case with family that I'm seen as being difficult because I choose differently.

But that's different to the issue of title. I do wish that the change of women's title comes with being an adult and not to do with marital status as does a man's. I would be lying if i didn't say I hope that just naturally becomes the norm in the same way we have naturally let go of MrsFredSmith for instance.

Having said that all, it's about respect for people's choices. If someone tells me they have changed their name to MrsWhateverTheFuckYouWant on marriage I will happily call them that. I wouldn't dream of calling them MsNameTheyWereBornWith. I would like the same respect of my choices. And that's not given to me a lot of the time.

Increscendo · 12/04/2021 12:29

I find this fascinating. I am Spanish and we have two last names, one from the father and one from the mother. Traditionally the father's was the first one, but now you have to specifically choose which one goes first. We never change last names, nor titles. So I never know what to put when I am asked about my title.

Mxflamingnoravera · 12/04/2021 12:35

I now use Mx where ever I can, I cannot see the point of genderising my name. Where it is not available I use MS. I had a huge issue with getting a DBS check done because if you use MS their system ASSUMES you are divorced and wants you to enter a "previous name" which I did not have (when I was married I kept my birthname and continued to use MS). I had to enter my current name as my previous name in order to get a DBS done. Since when was Ms an indicator of divorce?

Shirazzam · 12/04/2021 12:36

Due to get married later this year, have used Ms MyName for the last 15 years or so because it's nobody else's business whether I'm married or not. I will be Ms HisName MyName after marriage.
Using Ms is very common where I work and not everyone who legally changes their name on marriage changes it at work for professional reasons.

TomHardyAndMe · 12/04/2021 12:37

@Shirazzam

Due to get married later this year, have used Ms MyName for the last 15 years or so because it's nobody else's business whether I'm married or not. I will be Ms HisName MyName after marriage. Using Ms is very common where I work and not everyone who legally changes their name on marriage changes it at work for professional reasons.
What will he be, out of interest?
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 12/04/2021 12:42

Ms MyName.
But very rarely need to use the title.

Children's surnames are DH's - they are the only ones left now in his family due to name changes, deaths etc. Children both born out of 'wedlock' (what a word that is HmmGrin) so we just discussed & were both happy with that!

Motnight · 12/04/2021 12:44

Ms DH surname My surname. Dd has a double barrelled surname consisting, so I took that on when we got married.

sqwertyCream · 12/04/2021 12:52

@Breathmiller

Ms MaidenName

Drives me batty that most of my family refuse to accept it (after 20 years of marriage) and they still use MrsDhName. They say they can't remember! They can't remember the name I have had for 50 years! And in the case of my parents, not only the same name as them but the name they gave me! Rant over. Grin

This! By chance my husband and I both have surnames beginning with the same letter and so my mother has now taken to addressing cards simply to 'Mr and Mrs M.' because 'she just can't understand what my name is anymore' Despite the fact it's helpfully stayed exactly the same since that day many years ago when she gave it to me Grin
TomHardyAndMe · 12/04/2021 12:53

@Motnight

Ms DH surname My surname. Dd has a double barrelled surname consisting, so I took that on when we got married.
Did your DH add your name? If not, why not?
Motnight · 12/04/2021 13:04

My dh didn't add my name, no, TomHardyAndMe. I don't consider it to be an issue - I chose to add a name, he didn't. Each of us made our decision. We did speak about it though.

TomHardyAndMe · 12/04/2021 13:17

Just interesting that women do make changes but men don’t, even in the middle ground options.

Obviously individual choice is important, but when men rarely change and women usually do, it drives future decisions by other individuals.

VodselForDinner · 12/04/2021 13:21

Ms. My lifelong surname.

I’ve never been a maiden, so refused to have a maiden name. My surname is my surname.

avocadotofu · 12/04/2021 13:21

I use Ms Maiden name too.

SnowAllSpring · 12/04/2021 13:33

@Motnight My dh didn't add my name, no, TomHardyAndMe. I don't consider it to be an issue - I chose to add a name, he didn't. Each of us made our decision. We did speak about it though.

What did he/you say when you spoke about it?

Why did you decide that your identity/status changed, and his did not?

daisychicken · 12/04/2021 13:46

Miss, Ms or Mrs MyName - depends on the mood I am in at the time. I don't think it's anyone else's business what my marital status is. I too wish we used Miss for under 18s and Ms (or Mrs) for anyone over 18.

DH is Mr MyName. We chose to have the same surname for the kids.

MixedUpFiles · 12/04/2021 13:46

Ms. Mysurname

Same it has been since the day I was born

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