Just heard Nikki Grahame has died

[catherineofarrogance80]

What a week 😭tragic

My dc and her friend with it are definitely not childlike. Neither was I, far from it.

Exactly R3dFish all these generalisations are frustrating. I continued to accomplish things in the "adult world" throughout my suffering - top degree mark, university colours for my sport, a part time job I loved, a big group of friends.
Well in that case you are one of the better ones if you achieved all that including a social face.
I find your experience undermines mine and others I know but I wasn't taking offence on your posts.
I wasn't able for socialising or holding down a job my moods were erratic, I was very weak, my brain was constantly foggy and senseless.
My family was ripped apart. Your friends may not have noticed as your family are unaware.
I was 4 stone 8 when sectioned the pain my family experienced will never leave me.
They'll always have the worry.

And yes my dd has been amazingly tough. She has vomited continuously from fear of being tube fed, spent weeks in hospital, endured tube feeding and is now taking medication that terrifies her. She ate ice cream today for the first time in a year. One of her biggest fear foods. Her strength and determination made me want to cry. There is nothing childlike about it.

I apologise for the de-rail.
Take care Nikki I'm sorry.

Oh. my God. I read Nikki Grahame's book ages ago, but I had forgotten everything that was in it.

It was still on my google books account, so I was just flicking through it there now.

She writes this in it, about how her Dad was when she was a young child, which I had totally forgotten about:

"Dad was always so angry. For as long as I can remember he had called me "Fatso and "Lump" but it had always seemed like a joke.

Now the things he was saying seemed more cruel. He said to Natalie (her sister), that at night sawdust would fall out of her head onto the pillow because she was so stupid".

So, her Dad called her fat at a young age. :(

Nikki Grahame's book is called "Fragile". A very interesting and sad read.

I’m so sad to see Nikki has died. I grew up with a big Brother, that summer was iconic and the peak of reality tv. I remember Nikki herself was really sharp, a lot of her schtick was played up because she knew it was funny, excruciatingly funny tbh.

I think reality tv is often detrimental to the mental health of those appearing on it, more so these days with social media the way it is, but I truly don’t believe this was the case with Nikki.

Big brother gave her a career of sorts, long after she first appeared in it. She was often on the accompanying panel show right up until a couple of years ago. She herself acknowledged that her condition made it impossible for her to hold down regular jobs. I believe big brother gave her a lot of purpose and paid some of her bills. It also gave her some positive validation. She was a complete treasure of that landscape, the fans really loved her.

So while I wholly agree reality TV, Especially these days, can be harmful to those involved, I don’t think that is the reason for Nikki’s demons.

Rest in peace Nikki.

In my experience the NHS are less bothered about older people with ED's. They might think that if someone's got to 38 they will carry on somehow indefintely, scraping along.

And they also know it's harder to treat/relatively-fully recover from an ED as people get older.

But it sounds from the Gofundme that they'd tried everything and now wanted to go private. The problem with no longer being under the NHS for something is you can slip through the net until it's too late.

RIP Nikki The noughties was a bloody weird time for TV. The psych evaluation for going on Big Brother must have been little more than a tick box excercise. My binge eating disorder that i thought i got over years ago resurfaced in the last year. But i got laughed at and told to get a grip. People are very uneducated over these things and dont realize that anorexia and over eating are the two extremes and are both sides of the same coin.

Dad was always so angry. For as long as I can remember he had called me "Fatso and "Lump" but it had always seemed like a joke.
Now the things he was saying seemed more cruel. He said to Natalie (her sister), that at night sawdust would fall out of her head onto the pillow because she was so stupid".

God, that's so terrible if so.
I had bullies saying shit to me from a young age, but the difference is I had parents instilling self confidence and telling me not to worry, to ignore and you know you're you and amazing.
If it's a parent going there, what do you do

I believe that this has happened to Nikki before

But there is an ethical side to that also. The mental anguish they experience is just crippling

I’m just listening to her book again (audible), it’s been quite a few years since I listened. I forgot how shocking her treatment was, an 8 year old on a medical ward banned from leaving her bed, seeing anyone or even having a magazine to read. Just months of nothingness. How was that ever going to achieve anything other than her doubling down hard

What makes me saddest is all these years on and people with eating disorders often aren’t taken seriously and it’s very hard to get help

@Sarahtrue11

You must be joking 🙄

No.There are literally 15 stories about Prince Philp at the top of the Daily Mail.

I was looking through the news sites, trying to find the story about Nikki, it took me a while.

I see that there have been a lot of complaints from the public about the extreme coverage of Prince Philip's death.

Yes I was wondering how the papers would react if there was a really big news story this week! They'd be in a right panic wondering what to prioritise.

The photos are horrific.

I really feel for her mother. The last year has been the hardest of my life. The hell she must have gone through for years must have been unbearable. Families are expected to take on the treatment which is food. What support you get for children is poor, groups I’m in are full of parents on their knees. I dread to think what you get with an over 18.

The people on here, who tell me to "google" and "bore off somewhere" else, should wake up and smell the coffee, claiming to be upset,crying your eyes out, because I put "who is Nicky Graham, yet er hello, remember her catchphrase!!!

Very sad. I know of her and her anorexia issues. Excuse my question but could she not get inpatient treatment on the NHS?
Just reading previous comments about her family and friends raising money for treatment for her.

I’d imagine the psychology behind anorexia differs enormously among individuals. Nikki definitely had a child/doll like quality which made her so appealing. It does seem like her issues related to childhood trauma.

@somuchlaundrytowash

Very sad. I know of her and her anorexia issues. Excuse my question but could she not get inpatient treatment on the NHS? Just reading previous comments about her family and friends raising money for treatment for her.

Or detained under the mental health act as her condition had obviously deteriorated so much?

Nikki’s parents had a very turbulent and acrimonious divorce when she was eight which eventually led to the family home being sold.

As a child she was admitted to the Mawdesley hospital and another mental health hospital for children - I can’t remember what it was called.

She spent time as a teen in great Ormond street hospital, two specialist units for eating disorders and foster care. She then had a troubled few years working in low skilled and low paid jobs between bouts of unemployment before working in London’s west end as a promotions girl and supplementing her no doubt meagre salary with escort work. Then big brother.

Part of the issue with nhs support for eating disorders is it only kicks in when the bmi is dangerously low which obviously makes it so much more difficult to treat physically and mentally.

@EmeraldShamrock you are confusing the two points I made. They absolutely did notice the anorexia. It was awful seeing the pain on their faces. My point is they still don't to this day know the full extent of the trauma behind it. I couldn't burden them with it. So my point is to posters on this thread who seem confident they "know" whether or not trauma was the cause of a loved ones anorexia.

I think it’s incomprehensible to many of us, when you see someone starve to death like this and I understand the thought process of “can’t you force feed”. The thought flashed through my mind too.

Yes, you can force feed, but you’re just kicking the can down the road. Sedate and force feed for a week, a month, a year, you still have the same issue in the moment when you reduce the sedation. You can’t keep someone sedated and force fed for ever. They don’t wake up and say “shit the gyms are open I am all good now, cheers mate, hand me the milk shakes”

She was being treated one of the best clinics for the last month, and the images of her on admittance are harrowing, but they are images of the physical results of serious mental illness. And I think it’s that serious mental illness that’s so complex it’s difficult for us to understand and makes many of us think “god couldn’t they just have force fed to get over this hurdle, give her enough weight to survive” and saved her life.

Seeing images of a young woman so mentally unwell she starved to death is simply difficult for most of us to even start to comprehend.

@R3dFish you must be so proud of her. But I cannot imagine how tough it must be to watch her go through this. I remember seeing the pain and concern on my family's faces. My heart goes out to you.

Nikki herself had said several times that she never really knew what started her anorexia and her psychologists etc all had differing opinions - some said she wanted to stay a child, some said her parents acrimonious divorce, others her competitive nature as she was doing gymnastics.

I think the thing is that we are all so complex that there’s never a clear picture as to what can trigger mental illness.