Page 12 | If it was your wedding, would you mind..

daisypond · 08/04/2021 17:11

Oh dear. It was pretty clear when we said family that we meant spouse and children.

I’ve never met her boyfriends either.

Chickoletta · 08/04/2021 17:22

A very dear friend and his partner wanted only family children at their wedding. As it was at the other end of the country and my kids were young we said that w totally understood but wouldn’t be able to attend. They made an exception as they wanted us to be there but I would have been fine if they hadn’t.

Entirely the bride and groom’s choice but with the caveat that it might stop some people they love from attending.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/04/2021 17:29

"Yes, but surely you can see that having "seen" a friend's spouse or child, doesn't mean that they are your friend ?"

Oh yes. I was just amazed people can be friends for a long time without meeting the family they live with.

ChronicallyCurious · 08/04/2021 17:31

No I wouldn’t mind. We will be having a child free wedding and I absolutely understand that it will be impossible for some people to attend. I think you have to understand that when making the decision to go child free.

toiletbrushholder · 08/04/2021 17:33

I think child free weddings are dull and selfish affairs.

Teachertired92 · 08/04/2021 17:35

My baby is due September, my friend gets married in October. If she says no children, then I won’t be ready at that point to rely on childcare as will hopefully be breastfeeding. I think there’s so many factors to consider for each individual!

Workyticket · 08/04/2021 17:37

@toiletbrushholder

I think child free weddings are dull and selfish affairs.

Eh? Watching loved ones get hitched, catching up with friends and family, food, drinks, dancing, fun... all so much easier when not looking after children. How can that be dull??

waitingpatientlyforspring · 08/04/2021 17:40

@BrilliantBetty

If your close friend didn't attend because it was a child-free wedding except for kids in the family.

Would you regard this as a lame excuse not to attend your wedding, or think fair enough childcare can be tricky

I had a child free wedding, one friend turned up with their toddler which I didn't mind to much as she was the same age as my niece so they played together.

I don't think we had anyone say no to coming because of no children rule but we were first in our friendship groups to marry and there was only one friend on each side with children so it wasn't an issue.

As a bride making a rule like this you absolutely can't be upset if someone (no matter how close they are to you) can't or even won't come without their children. It us your right to say no but it is also their right to say no back.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2021 17:47

@BrilliantBetty

I also don't particularly want to attend and DH stay at home. Many of his friends are getting engaged/ committed and I can see what would happen... i'd be left at home as childcare while he enjoys lots of friends' weddings in the not too distant future. It sort of sets a precedent... and one of us (which will turn in to being me) stays home to look after DC. And weddings are expensive to attend & I think if we were to travel to a wedding that takes up half the weekend we should be going together.

But you said you'd normally ask your parents to babysit, so what's the problem?

It won't set a precedent.

daisypond · 08/04/2021 17:48

@toiletbrushholder

I think child free weddings are dull and selfish affairs.

It’s selfish to expect your DC to be invited to a wedding, and to attend it. The wedding is dull for the DC, and it’s also dull to have random children there for everyone else who attends. Unless you live in a village in Sicily in 1910 where the whole village turns up to every event going - in which case it’s completely fine.

OVienna · 08/04/2021 17:52

Have read all the OPs posts.

I don't get people that never have anyone but family to babysit. There is a huge difference between 'someone over the internet' and a recommendation you could get from a friend who, for example, uses childcare to go to work. Any nurseries in the area whose staff (that will be vetted and DBS checked) also babysit? Anyone you know employ a nanny? Nanny agencies also provide babysitting services.

It's a bit expensive but if it is for a good friend's event, worth it probably.

We had a friend who was completely pissed off and never really forgave us for not attending a 40th birthday party on a boat they were hosting. DD was tiny. They had the benefit, when their children were small, of two sets of grandparents in the same village. My parents do not live in the UK, DH's parents live four hours driving from us, all of which they knew. In addition to the grandparents they also only had friends babysit. All the friends on said boat. They couldn't come up with a single option for us to pay for someone to help which we were willing to do and yet were the bad guys for not going...

Satlie2019 · 08/04/2021 17:52

It is completely your choice to exclude children from your wedding and people often do this for unavoidable logistical reasons, but if you are excluding people's children you can't be offended if they decide not to attend (probably for their own very valid logistical reasons). To demand people leave their children because you want them to is moving very close to Bridezilla territory. If they are that close a friend and you want them there that much then I would make an exception and let them being their kids.

confused107 · 08/04/2021 17:56

I have a friend who fell out with me over this. Said that she doesn't go anywhere without her kids and even said that she couldn't be happy for me because I hadn't invited them. I didn't deserve to have a good day. I'd have been fine with her not coming, that's her choice but the nastiness was a shock. To be honest it made me see the friendship for what it was and there is no going back now. So do be prepared for the consequences of how you handle the situation

inspiration101 · 08/04/2021 18:01

I never understand why any parent would want to go to a friends wedding and bring their children, have a day and night out, catch up with friends & let your hair down and find a babysitter, totally different for an extremely young child or if attending a close relative’s wedding.

plumpynoo · 08/04/2021 18:07

I have no family who can take care of my kids, and no regular childcare in place aside from school. I would not be going to a wedding that was no kids! All my friends know that the last time I went out with my husband was 2019, for his Christmas work do as we managed to get his rather flighty and unpractical mother to be in the house whilst we were out for the evening. She is always busy and quite unreliable, so we may be let down at the last minute anyway.
If you are the bride who feels let down due to this then all I can say is that I hope you have a decent support network around you when you come to have kids, or you may find that your social life is much reduced like mine....

dejacqueray · 08/04/2021 18:09

I think wedding are enhanced by kids and if mine couldn't attend, neither would I

jamdonut · 08/04/2021 18:12

Of course it’s any couple’s choice to have whoever they want at their wedding BUT I think it’s really sad that children don’t get invited so much , these days, as I think a wedding should be a family occasion and children should see a couple getting married and the fun afterwards.
I think that weddings have got horribly out of hand, and instead of being said family occasion have turned into an expensive showcase.
If I could have my time over again, I still wouldn’t change my wedding ... immediate family only (and associated children) who all came back to our flat for a party!

expectopelargonium · 08/04/2021 18:14

When I told bride we may not be able to attend she said 'that's just silly

Oh charming. Well maybe she'd like to come up with an alternative suggestion then.

Since she's also invited your parents to the wedding and they are the ones who would normally babysit for you, perhaps she should consider how difficult she has made it for you to attend.

If she wants a child-free wedding then she's going to have to accept that her stupid decision means that people with young kids might not be able to come.

lockdownalli · 08/04/2021 18:16

YANBU

Child free wedding = Some people won't be able to come.

nancywhitehead · 08/04/2021 18:18

@BrilliantBetty

I also don't particularly want to attend and DH stay at home. Many of his friends are getting engaged/ committed and I can see what would happen... i'd be left at home as childcare while he enjoys lots of friends' weddings in the not too distant future. It sort of sets a precedent... and one of us (which will turn in to being me) stays home to look after DC. And weddings are expensive to attend & I think if we were to travel to a wedding that takes up half the weekend we should be going together.

I agree and I don't have much sympathy for people who book child-free weddings tbh. Not inviting some members of a family because they are children just doesn't make sense to me!

I'm planning my wedding and want as many children there as possible!

If your wants a child free wedding then of course that's her perogative but, well, some people have children. She'll just have to accept that some people won't be able to / willing to come if their kids aren't invited. Not your problem really.

pollymere · 08/04/2021 18:21

I find people who want these sorts of weddings don't truly understand what weddings are about. It's not a lame excuse. I genuinely don't have the network to go to a wedding and leave my child with someone and I don't have the money to pay an agency to provide a complete stranger to do it.

GoodbyeToCare · 08/04/2021 18:21

A baby of someone who wasn't invited to our wedding ruined it. We were married in church and so there was an open door policy. The mother turned up with the baby who screamed throughout the service.

Mother didn't take him out and I was >< that close to stopping the service myself and telling her to get out! DH and I could hardly hear each other over the screaming, it was truly horrendous and the mother was utterly oblivious.

YellowPurple · 08/04/2021 18:22

Your decision for no children allowed so you have to respect her decision that for whatever reason, she cant attend

Geranibum · 08/04/2021 18:23

If I was a decent human, I would feel regretful that a dear friend wasn't able to share my day and wonder if I was being a bridezilla insisting on childfree celebration.

YellowPurple · 08/04/2021 18:24

Sorry.... My comment will work in reverse obvs !