Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Oh fuck, massive slow burning sexual tension

102 replies

Shesellsnotmuch · 31/03/2021 23:31

New job. Two weeks in. Introduced to a male colleague and the floor nearly fell out underneath me. Call it what you want, angels were fucking singing, time stopped, instant massive sexual pit of the stomach attraction, gravitational pull of epic proportions.

Neither of us single. I don’t go near married men as a hard line even when I was single. I know the advise; imagine him picking his nose, imagine his dirty pants on the floor, imagine all the gross stuff he does. But fuck me when he is in the room you could cut the air with a knife. I know it’s not just me, another colleague mentioned to him today that they’ve seen him more this week than they have for the last month. He is finding any reason to come in. Meeting this afternoon and 10 free chairs but he sat right next to me, I could feel the heat from his arm and just wanted to bloody climb on his lap or leave the room,

What the fuck do I do now. I can’t leave my job. He’s not going anywhere. Wait for it to burn out? Avoid at all costs. Clean clinical interactions and no eye contact etc etc

I repeat I do not go near married men. My own ex DH cheated on me and I don’t do that. But this is some weird carnal sexual attraction the like of which I haven’t felt in years

OP posts:
Frownette · 31/03/2021 23:40

Strangely enough I miss those feelings Grin

It's quite natural, just don't indulge it too much. You're having a chemical reaction, it'll fizzle out.

Original poster
Shesellsnotmuch · 31/03/2021 23:47

Yes thank you, chemical reaction, that’s what I needed to hear!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2021 23:49

Ask him to maintain social distancing and you won’t feel his radiating arm heat? Wink

JarvisCockerSpanieI · 31/03/2021 23:55

Has it happened to you before? Are you married? Do you have kids? Does he have kids? How long has he been married?

HelpMeh · 31/03/2021 23:55

Oh god. You're just gonna have to wait for it to burn out. Do your best to limit unnecessary interactions and hope he does something off putting very soon. Good luck!

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 31/03/2021 23:56

Could he just be sitting next to you because you're new? That's something I'd do.
In the nicest way possible of course he could be attracted to you but chances are he might just need to go where you are.

Titsinknicks · 31/03/2021 23:56

As above. It is a chemical reaction. Nothing more.
But hey, all relationships start with a chemical reaction.

So if you reckon the sex would be amazing throw caution to the wind and get him to be husband number two! Life is short, turn your life upset down, why not.

I jest.

Kind of.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 01/04/2021 00:06

Awwwwwwww I kind of miss this!

I think the more you freak out about it, the bigger it gets. Accept it’s there and it’s a weird mind/body/chemistry/biology fluke. Then get busy with other stuff. He walks in, you go out if you can (even if just to the loo,
take your lunch break, photocopying whatever - just maximise any opportunity for distance!) or just be busy (really genuinely busy). I think these guys know and play up to it. The more bored you act with him the more likely he is to eventually piss off (which is what you need).

Yesterday someone who I had all that intense chemistry with and who I also couldn’t stop fantasising about etc and was totally obsessed with for months, rang me totally out of the blue and I saw his name come up on ID and

Didn’t. Have. A. Clue. Who. It. Was.

I’m looking at his name going,

“Stephen. I feel like I know a Stephen from somewhere... WHO THE FUCK IS STEPHEN???”

I mean I wanted Stephen’s babies for about 3 month and pined and lusted for the man every waking second.

This is the point you need to get to. Where your “Stephen” becomes like any other randomer passing in the street.

Get busy. Act bored. Avoid him wherever you can. Be careful when you are ovulating cos that’s when the chemistry gets really cray cray...do something else physical like running, boxing, diy. I’m not joking.

TableFlowerss · 01/04/2021 00:07

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you. Joking aside those chemical reactions are serious stuff, they do all sorts to your body, heart rate increase, sweating, all giddy, hit and flushed etc it’s an addictive feeling but many like that feeling so actively pursue it.

Makes me wonder if you’re in the wrong relationship to begin with though? Could you end it and become single and he might do the same if it’s a instant as you say....

Ponks · 01/04/2021 00:14

Phewf. I'm envious! Enjoy the fantasies, they'll die down soon enough.

Signoramarella · 01/04/2021 00:15

Omg I hear you. Had this in my last job. Had to train the guy alone in a room together, in the end it wilted away but it took years. Never felt sexual tension like it since.

Susannahmoody · 01/04/2021 00:24

Are you married yourself?

SionnachGlic · 01/04/2021 00:25

I know that feeling...weak at the knees & heart racing. It is that crazy mix of desire & wanting to flee, where one minute feels like five when he so close yet suddenly time's up in what feels like 2 seconds.. & he's left the room Steer clear as much as possible & avoid getting drawn into personal conversation. Drop his wife into any chat you do have. Don't cross that line...the crush will pass & you won't wonder anymore if one night with him could have been worth it. Whatever you do, don't fall in love!

TableFlowerss · 01/04/2021 00:26

@SionnachGlic

I know that feeling...weak at the knees & heart racing. It is that crazy mix of desire & wanting to flee, where one minute feels like five when he so close yet suddenly time's up in what feels like 2 seconds.. & he's left the room Steer clear as much as possible & avoid getting drawn into personal conversation. Drop his wife into any chat you do have. Don't cross that line...the crush will pass & you won't wonder anymore if one night with him could have been worth it. Whatever you do, don't fall in love!
*Whatever you do, don't fall in love*

I think that boat may be well on the way to sailing.... poor op

peachgreen · 01/04/2021 00:38

I had this with late DH. Absolute bloody thunderbolt, never felt anything like it. Both in relationships and neither willing to have any kind of affair so in the end it took almost a (very long and miserable for both of us) year of avoiding all contact with each other whilst simultaneously ending our relationships and leaving a respectful amount of time to finally get together. It was bloody horrible. But I didn't and don't regret it for a moment. We had 8 years of absolute BLISS, the likes of which I thought only happened in books and movies, before he died.

Sometimes things are meant to be, imo. Just don't have an affair. If it's right, it's worth waiting for.

gonewiththegin · 01/04/2021 00:53

Best case scenario here (albeit not for your ego) is that he has noticed you like him and gets a kick out of being around you and feeling desired. Worst case and more dangerous is that he feels exactly as you do. If it’s the latter distance is absolutely necessary. You are new and if the attraction is as obvious as you state it won’t be long before your colleagues pick up on and start talking, not what you want to be known for. It’s not worth the heartache in the long run OP.

FizzyTarte · 01/04/2021 01:02

“Play the whole movie” in your mind.
Imagine you gave in to the lust.. then imagine the fallout from it in all it’s splendid gory detail. The searing guilt gnawing away at you, the awkwardness at work when it fizzled out.l Colleagues gossiping and finding out, partners ultimately finding out, relationships ending, jobs having to be left and new ones found..
All for what?..

giggly · 01/04/2021 01:08

Ah fuck how lucky for you, the only male in my work environment has no hair , no teeth and a slight wobble to his walkGrin

FinallyFluid · 01/04/2021 01:18

Och

A colleague and I had something similar for a brief time, we had no intention of ever doing anything about it. Too much to lose.

Our colleagues in the London office were used to us bouncing off each other verbally. When colleagues from the US used to visit, I used to say this is David, if we were both single, we would be married to each other, but we are not single so we are not married to each other however listen hard and you will hear us bicker like an old married couple. Grin

Haven't seen the guy for nigh on twenty years and I can guarantee you if we saw each other tomorrow the spark would be there but so would the bickering.

You don't always have to act on your feelings, most of the time it will pass.

Tankflybosswalkjam · 01/04/2021 01:31

Ahhh I miss this. Someone I had to see every couple of months through work was like this. I kept thinking “it’ll fade.” He was married, I was living with someone. The tension nearly killed me.

It all got too much, I had to go up to a side office with him and the other meeting attendees didn’t turn up so we were just in this tiny room, both frantically calling our colleagues. In the end we both turned to each other and said “no one else is coming, we may as well start.” And without a word I got hold of his belt buckle, undid it and kissed him and had THE most amazing and hilariously muffled sex ever. Propped up on some lab equipment! Hardly spoke a word.

I transferred to another area and never saw him again in person, but I see his name on stuff occasionally and smile quietly.

jessstan2 · 01/04/2021 01:43

@Ponks

Phewf. I'm envious! Enjoy the fantasies, they'll die down soon enough.
That.
IHateCoronavirus · 01/04/2021 01:56

Ahh I love that fizzy feeling. Be thankful for it but keep your integrity.
I wonder why it happens with some people and not others?
The people I’ve had it with have sometimes been surprising. Not always my obvious type but my word the pull! Smile

YukoandHiro · 01/04/2021 02:05

Bloody hell @Tankflybosswalkjam - that's quite a story.

I had one of these in the office. We introduced each other to our DPs and it immediately fizzled out, thankfully

UncleBunclesHouse · 01/04/2021 02:11

I hear you, this is one plus of having not gone into my workplace for a year! Grin

I don’t have an answer, other than don’t let the opportunity to act on these feelings present itself.

FinallyFluid · 01/04/2021 02:16

Why is it always the woman who moves away ?