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Original poster

Oh fuck, massive slow burning sexual tension

102 replies

Shesellsnotmuch · 31/03/2021 23:31

New job. Two weeks in. Introduced to a male colleague and the floor nearly fell out underneath me. Call it what you want, angels were fucking singing, time stopped, instant massive sexual pit of the stomach attraction, gravitational pull of epic proportions.

Neither of us single. I don’t go near married men as a hard line even when I was single. I know the advise; imagine him picking his nose, imagine his dirty pants on the floor, imagine all the gross stuff he does. But fuck me when he is in the room you could cut the air with a knife. I know it’s not just me, another colleague mentioned to him today that they’ve seen him more this week than they have for the last month. He is finding any reason to come in. Meeting this afternoon and 10 free chairs but he sat right next to me, I could feel the heat from his arm and just wanted to bloody climb on his lap or leave the room,

What the fuck do I do now. I can’t leave my job. He’s not going anywhere. Wait for it to burn out? Avoid at all costs. Clean clinical interactions and no eye contact etc etc

I repeat I do not go near married men. My own ex DH cheated on me and I don’t do that. But this is some weird carnal sexual attraction the like of which I haven’t felt in years

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 01/04/2021 02:33

@UncleBunclesHouse is right. No going to the pub when he's there. Don't allow your inhibitions to drop around him, ever

YukoandHiro · 01/04/2021 02:34

(I mean next month and in the future obviously.... no pub rn!)

Geppili · 01/04/2021 02:39

"Neither of us single. I don’t go near married men as a hard line even when I was single."

Keep to your hard line and do not cross it. This is limerence. He could just do this to every new female member of staff. Think about your partner. Work on your self esteem.

blackheartsgirl · 01/04/2021 02:41

I acted on my crush eventually after months if misery
Fell in love and lost

Kicked my dp out (was dead relationship anyway)

Ended up with crush 3 months later

blackheartsgirl · 01/04/2021 02:42

Lust

1forAll74 · 01/04/2021 03:37

Yes. everyone should have times in their lives,for something like this to happen.

Sansaplans · 01/04/2021 03:39

I had this in my last job, just had to keep reminding myself that it was all biology as didn't know him at all! It did fizzle away in time thankfully haha.

Pyewackect · 01/04/2021 03:41

Fanny flutter Grin

indianelephant · 01/04/2021 03:44

I've had this feeling before. I married him and we still can't keep our hands off each other ❤️

Ozgirl75 · 01/04/2021 04:01

Just don’t get drunk, whatever you do!

Princessbanana · 01/04/2021 05:03

@peachgreen, my god I’m so sorry, I felt like crying reading that. I’m so glad you had those 8 years 💕

Original poster
Shesellsnotmuch · 01/04/2021 06:29

I’m going in armed with your advice. All your stories of ending up with one true loves are so lovely, especially yours @peachgreen. But I have no desire to lurve him and make babies I just really really really want to shag him Blush (or my ovaries do anyway).

Yes I asked him about his wife yesterday, it’s a great tactic. Married for 15 years and very happy! A rarity in that he didn’t give me the “she doesn’t understand me” line.

OP posts:
Cannotgarden · 01/04/2021 06:42

Are you ovulating? I get like this Blush

Maybe assume he's a long lost brother and it's that genetic attraction thing that happens.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 01/04/2021 06:44

@TableFlowerss

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you. Joking aside those chemical reactions are serious stuff, they do all sorts to your body, heart rate increase, sweating, all giddy, hit and flushed etc it’s an addictive feeling but many like that feeling so actively pursue it.

Makes me wonder if you’re in the wrong relationship to begin with though? Could you end it and become single and he might do the same if it’s a instant as you say....

Turns out I was!

I've been with dh for over 10 years now. He did exactly what you are describing to me when we first met.
Obviously our relationship is now 'comfortable' but he still floors me when I glance at him across a room and I get butterflies when we kiss.
I left a long marriage/relationship to be with him. Nothing happened until my first marriage was over.

I have no advice op but I really do feel for you

OverTheRubicon · 01/04/2021 06:56

It's nice to see all the love stories, but I used to work in a place that was rife with affairs, most of which either fizzled out or ended unhappily, and I bet that the vast majority of them (certainly the ones with people who confided in me) felt the same overwhelming chemistry.

I had the same once too, it was almost physically painful, and we were travelling for work together too - but did absolutely nothing about it and stayed out of his way, and honestly I'm so glad I did, once it burned off I could see he was a bit dodgy, and I had a lucky escape. Agree with others it can be hormonal, I'd just had a miscarriage and was going through a rough patch at home, sometimes your chemistry gets mixed up

Original poster
Shesellsnotmuch · 01/04/2021 07:08

I have my period now so very good chance I was just about to ovulate when we first met Shock

Fucking hormones

OP posts:
Amore2 · 01/04/2021 07:08

If you really don't want to cross the line, think of him happily with his wife (and children if that helps). That might help you to keep feelings at bay a bit. I had a similar sort of thing for a senior colleague, would never have acted on it for so many reasons. Think he may have felt something too but it just made the day a bit more interesting. Wasn't kind of painful like you are describing.

It should fade...

Whatwouldscullydo · 01/04/2021 07:09

Just enjoy it. I've not felt that way abkut anyone in years. I miss it. I'd love to know I was still capable of it.

The fantasy is always better than the reality anyway. So don't shatter the illusion by actually doing anything.

And yy whatever u do the pp is spot on. Do not get drunk.

Llamadramasheepface · 01/04/2021 07:13

OP I'm just going to throw a spanner in the works here. This happened to me, exactly the same. I was married with dc and he was engaged. It took a year of the tension to realise it was more than that. We left our partners and got together. 14 years and 2dc later we are married and never been happier.

MysweetAudrina · 01/04/2021 07:16

What age are you op? I think certain ages ovaries go into panic mode and take over the driving seat for a while.

Nith · 01/04/2021 07:20

Suggest proper social distancing in meetings so there is no chance of sitting close together.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2021 07:26

Um could he just be being friendly and you’re making a bit of a twat of yourself?

I find that thought a dampener to be honest. And I hate to say it, but it is highly probably it’s all in your head.

Bml11 · 01/04/2021 07:27

Anyone watched’ the bold type’ - sounds like Sutton and Richard lol.

Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong · 01/04/2021 07:31

It started off as limerence then we realised there was something special between us. Fairly quickly we both decided we wanted to leave our partners (neither of them being very good for either of us) and we did!

It was all rather horrible at first and of course both partners were absolutely floored as it appeared like a bolt out of the blue.

But we're celebrating our 10th anniversary this year and could not be happier (even under testing conditions such as lockdown). Not a single regret, the best thing in my life I have ever done.

However in your case, OP, it may just be your hormones and not him, especially if he says he's been happily married for 15 years. As you get to know him, time will tell. But as others have advised, don't let down your guard.

Ploughingthrough · 01/04/2021 07:35

It'll pass, it's only been 2 weeks! He's told you he's been married for 15 years so you don't really want to go sleeping with someone else's husband don't you! It's okay to have crushes as long as you don't act on them (if the person you have a crush on is married anyway)