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Original poster

Oh fuck, massive slow burning sexual tension

102 replies

Shesellsnotmuch · 31/03/2021 23:31

New job. Two weeks in. Introduced to a male colleague and the floor nearly fell out underneath me. Call it what you want, angels were fucking singing, time stopped, instant massive sexual pit of the stomach attraction, gravitational pull of epic proportions.

Neither of us single. I don’t go near married men as a hard line even when I was single. I know the advise; imagine him picking his nose, imagine his dirty pants on the floor, imagine all the gross stuff he does. But fuck me when he is in the room you could cut the air with a knife. I know it’s not just me, another colleague mentioned to him today that they’ve seen him more this week than they have for the last month. He is finding any reason to come in. Meeting this afternoon and 10 free chairs but he sat right next to me, I could feel the heat from his arm and just wanted to bloody climb on his lap or leave the room,

What the fuck do I do now. I can’t leave my job. He’s not going anywhere. Wait for it to burn out? Avoid at all costs. Clean clinical interactions and no eye contact etc etc

I repeat I do not go near married men. My own ex DH cheated on me and I don’t do that. But this is some weird carnal sexual attraction the like of which I haven’t felt in years

OP posts:
smilethoughyourheartisbreaking · 01/04/2021 07:36

How long can you blame something on limerence before you have to accept that you are completely and totally in love with someone that you can't have - just asking for a friend.

AlohaMolly · 01/04/2021 07:38

Here’s my helpful story - what you describe is what happened between DP and I. I’d never really felt anything like it and I was absolutely floored. Eventually we ended up messaging each other and the excitement was the most intense thing I’d ever felt. I was in the process of leaving a dead and unhealthy relationship and he was single, though. As soon as I was free, we met for sex.

The sex was disappointing but I pretended it wasn’t because I was young and naive. I fell in love pretty sharpish and we kept shagging despite it mostly being awkward and in no way what the chemistry had promised. Very soon, I fell pregnant and, to cut a long story short, DS is 5 soon, we all live together but we mostly dislike each other and have had sex once since November 2016.

Enjoy the fantasy but maybe find a way of transferring that sexual energy across to your current partner? Spice it up a bit? Don’t be me Grin

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 07:44

I think the warning sign is that he's said he's happily married for 15 years.

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 07:45

Are you? OP? Happily married ?
You haven't mentioned your DH at all , which is odd.

Quirrelsotherface · 01/04/2021 07:46

@peachgreen, my god I’m so sorry, I felt like crying reading that. I’m so glad you had those 8 years 💕

Same. That's beautiful Sad

NewYearNewTwatName · 01/04/2021 08:10

I had something similar. when my DC were small I got a job in a quietish pub.

the guy was 7 years younger than me. The intense eye contact, closeness ect. he'd stand at the bar all night. I wanted him, so much my body ached. But essentially he reminded me DH in his younger days, and why would I trade the original for a replica.

An opportunity sprang up, when I locked up the pub and gave him a lift home. but him being in my family car with DC car seats in the back. knocked all chemistry right out the window, I felt nothing at all, when he asked me in for a coffee I couldn't think as anything more repulsive as going in his flat.

once away from him, the fantasy was still there but no where near like it had been. it slowly fizzled out for me. But he was still hooked but backed off.

We had never ever voiced our attraction to each other it was always unspoken.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 01/04/2021 08:11

Start digging around for something unpleasant about him. There's nothing pours cold water and hits the reset button like finding out something you find a bit distasteful.

Failing that, in your head start calling him 'skiddy pants' or something to lower the hormones a bit.

valadon68 · 01/04/2021 08:12

Have you posted this thread as a way of being able to talk about him? Not to be harsh but you did ask for what to do!
Also, if you're just having small talk, why would he get into the specifics of whether he's happily married or whether his wife doesn't understand him? Maybe just keep it to polite chat.

Bettina500 · 01/04/2021 08:16

I don't think he would have said he was happily married if he was into you op, I think you might be seeing what you want to see.
I'm another who me and my DH were with other people when we met, but we were both very unhappy and left our partners before pursuing anything. It would've been a different story if he'd told me he was happy.

HaveringWavering · 01/04/2021 08:19

Also, if you're just having small talk, why would he get into the specifics of whether he's happily married or whether his wife doesn't understand him?

Yes, I was just about to say this. I have many male colleagues and I know they are married, and some detail like their wives’ names and jobs but none has ever felt the need to tell me whether their marriage is happy or not. And I have known them a lot longer than 2 weeks. How did the “happily” come up?

Just enjoy the feeling (hell we’re all bored due to lockdown, why not have a fantasy to distract you) but you would be an utter fool to ever even say how you feel, never mind do anything. Do not go there and avoid avoid avoid any conversations that even hint at sharing the fantasy.

SpringTimeDream · 01/04/2021 08:20

Chemicals are funny things. I feel so sorry for teenagers when they first discover them.

The smell of the chemicals, the make up of the face/body, strange isn't it.

Remember it is just chemicals.

Good luck @Shesellsnotmuch and keep on with the avoid married men etc the betrayal and hurt etc never worth the sex and hurt to others when caught out

HaveringWavering · 01/04/2021 08:21

Actually you need to be careful, did he feel the need to say “happily” because he got the sense that you were flirting with him? That could be very bad for you, professionally. You must have a lot going on with a new job right now, try to focus on that. Also, where are you in the world that anyone can sit next to you in a meeting- no social distancing?

CatsHairEverywhere2 · 01/04/2021 08:24

Do you know your 7 times table? I found repeating it over and over extremely useful when I had to interact with someone I found overwhelmingly shaggable. Shagging definitely wasn’t an option so doing the times tables I couldn’t remember in my head really helped to distract me from it. Trying to remember if 35 came after 28 always put halt to sexual desire.

Notanaturalm · 01/04/2021 08:29

I had this.

Ended up leaving my casual boyfriend of 6 months to be with him.

Together 5 years had DC and I discovered he's a cheat. He caused me to have a total nervous breakdown and PND.

Not worth it.

plinkplinkfizzer · 01/04/2021 08:53

Go to bathroom after him . watch him eat it , you will find faults with how he eats . Talk to him about Feminists . Look at his shoes , they will be awful . Ask him if he is a gamer . You will hate him in no time .

Abfabfanjo · 01/04/2021 09:02

Doesn't your workplace adhere to social distancing regulations? I couldn't get up close and personal with a colleague, even if I wanted to.

CimCardashian · 01/04/2021 09:06

I agree with a previous post.... DO NOT GET DRUNK

CommunistLegoBloc · 01/04/2021 09:07

go to bathroom after him . watch him eat it

Yeah that'd put you off someone alright Shock

movinggoalposts · 01/04/2021 09:20

I second the ‘Don’t get drunk’ message!

Is he happy at work? I worked in a really toxic environment once. There were lots of office relationships as people unconsciously sought to make work more bearable.

The chemistry is just your ovaries shouting ‘pick me, pick me’. They don’t give a fuck about anything other than themselves. I listened to mine once and never will again.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 01/04/2021 09:21

There was a thread about this on here recently. A lot of people found out that their object of their overwhelming desire was actually at best a total dick, at worst a narc or a pyscho. There was some speculation that all the chemistry was actually a danger reaction that was being misinterpreted.
You should go with that explanation and decide he's a narc that's zoned in on you. That should put you right off.

notanothersaveusername · 01/04/2021 09:40

This happened to me years ago. It felt like my stomach was in a plummeting elevator. I was in an abusive marriage, he was single. We had an affair lasting 3 months before sanity returned for both of us. Definitely the wrong thing to do but it made me realise how unhappy I was and what it felt like to be desired again and to change things

AlohaMolly · 01/04/2021 10:04

@roundturnandtwohalfhitches

There was a thread about this on here recently. A lot of people found out that their object of their overwhelming desire was actually at best a total dick, at worst a narc or a pyscho. There was some speculation that all the chemistry was actually a danger reaction that was being misinterpreted. You should go with that explanation and decide he's a narc that's zoned in on you. That should put you right off.
This is really interesting and would totally tie in with my experience!
QuattroFormaggi · 01/04/2021 10:12

Google 'limerance' - that's what you're feeling and keep telling yourself you'll laugh about this in 5 years time. Good luck. (And yes I'm jealous, I love that feeling and it's a long time since I felt it)

Honeyroar · 01/04/2021 10:12

I think it’s good that you asked him about his wife. Hope you made some similar small talk with others at the meeting. Next time sit next to someone else so there’s nowhere he can sit next to you. Make a real effort to get to know others. Actually discuss work!

I’ve had two random experiences like this. One I just about fended off and thought I regretted doing so until he turned his attention fully to someone else a few weeks later and dropped me like a stone when he realised he wasn’t getting anywhere. The other I did have a fling with, and couldn’t believe how dreadful it was when we did get together. It was nowhere near the hearts and flowers and fireworks i was expecting- absolute other end if the scale!!

MrsMcGarry · 01/04/2021 10:38

I’ve had this twice.
Once with a good friends husband. I was actually helping them with their business at the time which meant spending time with him. I don’t know how I didn’t throw him on a desk. But I knew it was infatuation, fought it, and 2 weeks later it was just gone. I actually saw him (and her) yesterday and had a lovely time in my garden, and didn’t even remember (until reading this) that I’d had that crush.

Second time was with a guy I met at a work away weekend. It was ridiculously powerful. Did nothing but lay in my bed thinking about him.
8 months later, having only exchanged a couple of very professional emails with other people copied in, we were at another event and it was still as powerful. And, totally not related, my then h was being a dick including talking to other women online and we were divorcing. The feels were still as strong, but I knew I was in a mess, he was still married and I wasn’t going to put anyone through what my now ex h was doing to me. We went out for dinner with a group and I had to keep going to the loo to shake myself.

6 months later, another conference. And a mutual friend mentioned to me that he had just got divorced. I was newly single, had been on a couple of dates, and hadn’t particularly been thinking of him. But when I heard I almost fainted. We talked a lot that day, though always in public. Went home at the end of the day and a day later he replied to one of my tweets. We messaged pretty much every day after that and 2 months later he asked me out for dinner. We left the restaurant early and had the most mind blowing sex. It’s now 3 years later - he moved in at the start of lockdown. I still get the feels when he looks at me.

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