Best insult you have given or received?

[NoEffingWay]

I was once walking down the road, and some mysterious person shouted out of a window 'you've got too many highlights' --it was the mid 2000's and they were right'

I am the queen of going home after someone has been a cockwomble and coming out with killer lines 3-4hours later.

"You've got a face like a chewed up carrot"

Arf @ 'they were right!'

In a similar vein, someone once said to me that I had a nice body shape but it made whatever I wore look cheap. It stung, but many years on, I admit that I do kind of see what they meant.

The one that always makes me laugh was many years ago a friend asked me out and when I declined he said he’d been rejected by loads of people better than me

"CornedBeef, your arms aren't fat!" with a definite undertones of, "but the rest of you is SO fat! "

"He has all the charisma of a broken pencil"

You look like a burst couch. But you're my burst couch. 😍

At uni (maaaany years ago) room mate announced she was going to a Rocky Horror night and needed to look tarty, could she borrow my clothes. Rude a bit true.

An ex with whom I went to law school (and who treated me quite badly) quickly fled private practice, presumably unable to hack it at his fancy firm. We ended up eating dinner together under some odd circumstances, me with a very hot guy as my date.

Ex said something about job. I said "i was always surprised that you went into private practice given your personality." He said "thanks," then blanched as he realised it was an insult.

I'm not sure the subtlety of it comes through, but I'm normally not mean at all, so this is the only thing that came to mind

An Asian American friend of mine (not Vietnamese) shouted back at someone who was being racist to her on the street in New York in the 90s - "well we kicked your ass in Vietnam".

Another friend of mine, someone tried (unsuccessfully) to mug him on the tube - "what do you think I am, a fucking tourist".

"Hes about as useful as a chocolate tea pot"

Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

Had a fling with a guy who turned out to be a real prick. Ran into him with new boyfriend, the usual, 'Oh, hi!' New guy said, 'Oh, do you two know each other?' I said, 'No, he (prick) never knew me.' His face was a picture.

I made a typo on a discussion forum. I was describing an event which happened between 1886 - 1989. The error was to write 1889.

This tiresome person kept harping on about "time travel". After several posts I told them "I see lots of typos and grammatical mistakes here but I dont go on about it. Clearly we come from very different social classes."

When we were both little my DSis told me I looked like a boiled spider when I cried.

Nothing since has been able to top that.

@BarryTheChopper

Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

A colleague said to me

'I wish I was more like you ............................. and didn't care what I looked like

@BarryTheChopper

Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

I know I shouldn't but I love that 🙈

I've got tights older than you.

Over heard.
You're about as much use as a used Johnny (Condom)😂😂😂
There's 2 chances of that happening. Ones called fat chance and the others called no chance.😂😂😂

If I wanted your opinion I would take my headphones off.

A senior manager once cautioned me against seeking advice from one of his peers, saying she was an “RPG - Random Problem Generator”. I’ve since met a few people like that who can never seem to find a solution to anything, only 1000 reasons why something won’t work. It always makes me smile.

Another good one: I’ve heard folks who work in corporate and come to the shop floor to do a quick line walk every few months called “industrial tourists”. I love that image. :-)

DH said,” you told me that mat would lay flat after a while and it didn’t.I am disappointed”

I replied “why are you disappointed did you think you had the monopoly?”

When I was 15 my boy friend finished with me, the reason was because I didn't dress nicely like my friend and didn't look smart. We always went out in a foursome she with his friend.
30 years later when out in a club now married he asked me to dance with him.So I said," Nigel, I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth." Not really remarkable, but it gave me a lot of satisfaction.

I once had a guy who has been hassling me say to me in a nightclub “if I saw you naked I would die happy”
For the first and only time in my life I got a great comeback “if I saw you naked I would die laughing”
His mates feel apart laughing and he actually left the club