Best insult you have given or received?

[NoEffingWay]

I was once walking down the road, and some mysterious person shouted out of a window 'you've got too many highlights' --it was the mid 2000's and they were right'

I am the queen of going home after someone has been a cockwomble and coming out with killer lines 3-4hours later.

"You arent even a proper TERF, you are just a tumblr radfem"

Cutting.

"Someone once said to me, I had a dress like that. When they were in fashion.

😊 I'm not very trendy.

I used to have a dress like that. Didn't suit me either."

Now that is a fantastic response!

A friend who was sunbed mad (in the 80s)
once said to me with a sneer
"You always look so white"

Not me, but a friend was accused of being impertinent (she wasn't) by an older 'gentleman'. By email!

Not me , but I was listening to a couple having a argument
The woman was really ranting and shouting at the bloke not giving him chance to speak .
When she finally finished as calm as you like he said what’s the matter love - you upset about your weight 😂😂

One here I read recently regarding an unattractive/useless man angling for sex: "even if I had a garden full of fannies I wouldn't let that bloke look over the wall."

"I am the queen of going home after someone has been a cockwomble and coming out with killer lines 3-4hours later."

I believe this is called "L'Esprit de L'Escalier". It's the perfect response/rejoinder one only only thinks of as one is walking away...'down the stairs..

Bullying, slobby boss: "there's a bad smell in here" (there wasn't)
"No, your nose is too close to your backside".

@BarryTheChopper

Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

😂😂😂😂😂

Funniest one on here

Some of these are really mild.

@BarryTheChopper

Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

😂😂😂

I can't stop chuckling about the Eastenders one.
I read this one somewhere. You are an ankle. And by that I mean you are three feet lower than a cunt.

BarryTheChopper
Someone once told me I was so fat, if I fell down the stairs, people would think Eastenders was starting.

I actually wasn’t, but it remains the best insult of my life!

I also think it’s the funniest response...so sorry but I can’t stop chuckling. Even my DP found it funny and believe me, he’s Victor Meldrew the second!

My 6yo day told me I was a "fish finger from the 90s" the other day... it cut deep!

My boss and I were at a meeting with a bunch of management consultants, the most obnoxious of whom looked about 12 and was very sexist, looking the PA up and down and then following her around the room with her eyes. After a particularly annoying bit of mansplaining, my boss declared that she was too busy to be patronised by a misogynist foetus, got up and told me to come with her and leave the meeting. I was in awe.

*his eyes obviously

@AnaofBroceliande

Had a fling with a guy who turned out to be a real prick. Ran into him with new boyfriend, the usual, 'Oh, hi!' New guy said, 'Oh, do you two know each other?' I said, 'No, he (prick) never knew me.' His face was a picture.

I met dickhead ex with a new boyfriend I gestured to ex ‘oh this is Paul (not real name)’ my boyfriend said ‘oh Paul, yeah I’m the upgrade!’ He was an upgrade and the one who got away 🙁

Aged about 20, lost a lot of weight suddenly due to a breakup - was miserable and gaunt but was able to borrow a friend's size 12 skirt. Different friend then said "oh, size twelve - that's quite slim! For you, anyway"

I cracked up, I don't think she had any idea how insulting she was being but I've never forgotten it. I'm much happier fat so maybe she had a point 😂

Friend once told another colleague he was 'as useless as a one legged man at an arse-kicking party.' Was quite funny...

We used to say this if someone called us fat.
I am be fat but your ugly and Plastic surgery cost a lot more than a diet.

If you bad hair cut.
Who ran over you with a lawn mower, Don't worry I'll sort him out.

An ex of mine used to say that he could tell the time by looking at my face and where the sun cast the shadow of my nose (i.e like a sundial) and that he wouldn't get a tan if he sunbathed next to me.... as he'd be in the shade of my nose! I do have a big nose and luckily I found it funny!'

@trappedsincesundaymorn

I usually reply " if you're trying to insult me then please try harder...I've been called worse things by better people, now try again".

Im gonna try and remember this one! Thank you.

‘Ooh that would hurt if I actually cared about your opinion!’

I was with two friends, me the only one with dc, she was saying how she didn’t want dc yet as ‘before children you are a hot potato, after children you have the body of mash potato’ 😕

Look like a bulldog chewing a wasp

And my younger brother very seriously told me the other day I'm quite Bonnie for someone with 5 kids ...not sure if I'm offended or if that's a compliment tbh ?? Haha