Best insult you have given or received?

[NoEffingWay]

I was once walking down the road, and some mysterious person shouted out of a window 'you've got too many highlights' --it was the mid 2000's and they were right'

I am the queen of going home after someone has been a cockwomble and coming out with killer lines 3-4hours later.

Someone once said to me, I had a dress like that. When they were in fashion.

😊 I'm not very trendy.

So's your face.....
Can't beat it.
You're fat.....so's your face.
You're ugly... ..so's your face.

The Eastenders one had me howling

If I wanted to commit suicide I'd jump from your ego to your IQ

If we were the last two people on earth I'd sleep with you, but only from behind and with a bit of spew in my mouth......

Being heckled by young lads ‘oi you fancy a shag?’

“Why don’t you back later when you’ve actually grown some balls so I can reject you again?!”

I would walk on broken glass to be with you.
You’re like a palm tree in a desert.
My quote on people who have had lots of plastic surgery ‘I’ve seen less plastic on Lego’.

@littleloopylou

An ex with whom I went to law school (and who treated me quite badly) quickly fled private practice, presumably unable to hack it at his fancy firm. We ended up eating dinner together under some odd circumstances, me with a very hot guy as my date.

Ex said something about job. I said "i was always surprised that you went into private practice given your personality." He said "thanks," then blanched as he realised it was an insult.

I'm not sure the subtlety of it comes through, but I'm normally not mean at all, so this is the only thing that came to mind

Best insult ever!!!

I wouldn’t sleep with him,even with someone else’s vagina

My daughter talking about some fella she knew

Same daughter when her boyfriend told her that periods where ‘disgusting’

Well I bet your mother was praying for hers,but got you instead!

Over heard from a very well to do lady - "he is a limp handshake personified"

I was called an 'unwomanly-like ogre' once

Colleagues wife: I love what you're wearing.
Me: ah thank you.
CW: you never know, if you keep it long enough it might come back into fashion!

Told by a friend once that I looked quite pretty when I looked down

I was being quite badly bullied in my teens over my acne by another girl at school.

She was heckling me in the corridor calling me pizza face (very original) so I turned around and said to her 'Luckily I can get cream that will help my acne but last time I checked there was no magic cream to cure your ugliness'.

I was only 15 at the time so maybe not the most witty insult but it did stop her hassling me!

Told by late teen/ Uni age visitor daughter of patient I was looking after while working on a hospital ward.... "me and mum were just waiting over there and I just looked at you and thought you must have really pretty.....when you were young!"
Must have been about 32 then

When asking how old my children were, a colleague commented 'gosh you started late!' Took me a minute!

I also had another colleague who commented on what I was wearing (brown tights and boots, moss green skirt and jumper) saying that I reminded him of his daughter - who had gone to nursery for a nature day dressed as a caterpillar! Hmmmm!!

I usually reply " if you're trying to insult me then please try harder...I've been called worse things by better people, now try again".

in a nightclub me 5ft 6 this guy dancing in front of me 5ft 3 not good looking he goes, his mate comes over says my mate fancies you i replied tell your mate i like my men under 30 over 6ft tall and with all their own teeth,

on the other side bought matching black and white striped top and trousers thought i looked great till a guy in a club said you look like a stick of Blackpool rock never wore that outfit again

'you're not even good enough to be a prostitute..look at the state of you' was pretty harsh!

@isseys4xmastinselcats
Do come again?
If this is the worst insult you've received, you've got off very lightly indeed.

@MadMadMadamMim

Someone once said to me, I had a dress like that. When they were in fashion.

😊 I'm not very trendy.

I used to have a dress like that. Didn't suit me either.

Chatting to a gay friend about desirability, he remarked there wasn't enough money in the world to make him want me. So I responded with "I'd want change from a fiver".

“You would be a whore if only someone was willing to pay you for sex”

Insult made up by a friend of mine, I know it’s misogynistic as can be, but I was quite impressed with it at that time.

My favourite insult is a bit tame compared to some of these but “ya wetwipe” is so perfect for many occasions...

Someone that I trade joke insults with looked at my slender dog then looked at unslender me and said “ well she clearly eats your leftovers”
One and only time I couldn’t think of a comeback

A man was annoyed that he couldn't overtake me or force me to drive faster than the speed limit. We ended up at some traffic lights where he was next to me, he was screaming and shouting and waving his arms round. The woman next to him looked mortified.

I started to laugh, he looked so ridiculous. I then held my hands about 10" apart looked at him and gradually reduced the gap to about 2".. His red face turned purple I couldn't stop laughing but I was a bit worried he was going to have a heart attack. His companion was trying not to laugh and ended up covering her face.

I'm not normally rude to people but I really enjoyed that. I'd obviously been right about his sense of inadequacy.