Best insult you have given or received?

[NoEffingWay]

I was once walking down the road, and some mysterious person shouted out of a window 'you've got too many highlights' --it was the mid 2000's and they were right'

I am the queen of going home after someone has been a cockwomble and coming out with killer lines 3-4hours later.

Being threatened by a bitchy girl in my youth “come outside and I’ll kick your head in”
Me looking down at her cheap shoes “Not with those you won’t”

Makes me smile to know I had so much front back then!

My best one liners are to my kids dad

"your as much used as a condom with holes"

I'm not originally from England. I've YouTubed the East Enders opening credits and still get the joke. Can some explain? Please?

Autocorrect! Still DON'T get the joke. Can SOMEONE explain.

@littleloopylou

I'm not originally from England. I've YouTubed the East Enders opening credits and still get the joke. Can some explain? Please?

It’s referring to the end credits that are hard drum beats - its supposed to be very dramatic but does sound like something heavy falling down stairs.

Actually just reread it and the poster does say east Enders is starting so bit confused now, I assumed it was the end credits

Thanks! That makes more sense now!

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome

Chatting to a gay friend about desirability, he remarked there wasn't enough money in the world to make him want me. So I responded with "I'd want change from a fiver".

😂👏👍🍸

DH is so tight, he dropped a coin and it hit the back of his head on the way down.

Boom tish

When my babies were little, and I was gazing misty-eyed at them wondering aloud how children so beautiful could come from me and my husband.

“Well, it’s like a double negative, innit?” pipes up my sister . Honestly the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! She’s due her first soon....

@JackieTheFart

When my babies were little, and I was gazing misty-eyed at them wondering aloud how children so beautiful could come from me and my husband.

“Well, it’s like a double negative, innit?” pipes up my sister . Honestly the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! She’s due her first soon....

🤣🤣🤣

The Eastenders one is a Jimmy Carr joke!

Not an insult but a come back.Walking through town centre on a night out in the early noughties and a man shouts "nice legs! What time do they open?" I replied "they're closed for a private party".

Still proud of myself 20 odd years later as I never think of retorts til afterwards

Not said in person but watching TV. Somebody appeared with really bad, not straight teeth. My friends commented "God, she could eat an apple through a letterbox". Made me laugh.

"you're built for comfort, not for speed"

In a very rare moment of wit when I was called 'watermelons' by a lad, I shouted back to shut up and that his mum should have swallowed him.

Originally Malcolm Tucker but I live in hope of being able to use 'he's so dense that light bends around him' one day!

I got proposed to recently and I said 'you've already been married twice, are you going for a hat trick?'

I'm sure I've had some good insults in my time, will try to remember them.