My lumpy midriff immortalised in wedding photos

[rainbowowl]

My youngest Dsis is getting married (fingers crossed) in September this year. Eldest Dsis is abroad, and will not make it to wedding because of the travel restrictions where she lives.

She's asked me to be one of 3 bridesmaids, my eldest DD is a flower girl.
I'm happy to be, and especially as Dsis can't make it, I want to make sure I'm doing everything to make sure her wedding goes smoothly and she enjoys the day.

But good Lord. I look like a sack of potatoes in the dress. I'll also be standing next to two, slender, beautiful 20-somethings, as a 5'2" mid-30s mum of two - one of whom quite recently left my potato body!

I've lost around 40lbs, very happy with that, but any advice on what I can do to help the entirety of my lower half (where the dress clings) I'm intending to eat well and exercise until the day - recommendation on anything... apart from running... I'll try it if I really have to!

Any excellent shapewear? The kind that doesn't roll up or down, preferably neck to ankle and one where you don't wet yourself trying to go to the loo.

I'll post a pic of the dress if that helps?

You seem lovely.
Is your sister lovely but stressed or a bit of a cow?
If the first - asked her for the dress now and to do a fitting with her so you can check the fit now with plenty of time for a seamstress to adjust. If she's nice she'll see it's horrific and you can offer two alternatives - you are happy to step down or you will arrange for another dress in same material, same kind of look to be remade for you to not look like a sack of spuds. Remind her that no set of spanx or exercise program will fix this - those can help but not eliminate the problems which are your height and general body shape.
And if she doesn't see it then I would be getting pregnant

Quite honestly I think your dsis is being really cruel and unreasonable choosing that dress for all three bridesmaids to wear. It would look horrendous on anyone who isn't 21, 8 stone and 5'10".

Why on Earth couldn't she ask you what you would feel comfortable in and plan around that? Why should you have to spend all day being physically and mentally uncomfortable? It's just madness. There are plenty of dresses that you would look fantastic in I am sure.

Put the dress on, or a similar one , take the most unflattering pics you can. Show her. You speak about her very fondly, so she would probably not see the lumps and bumps in person, she will see them when presented with a photo.

I'd get a trainer (if you can afford one).
One of my friends wanted a flatter stomach for her 50th - she had her last child late. She looked absolutely amazing on the day sculpted flat stomach and thighs and she's a regular height.

Personally I wouldn't be arsed though and it would get damaged at the dry cleaners/have red wine split on it.

@AntennaReborn

Strength training will help you look tighter.

It's correct that diet is the main factor for weight management, but strength training is what gives you a toned look (as opposed to skinny - fat / lumpy at the same bodyweight).

You don't need a gym either, there's plenty you can do at home with just your own body weight and basic accessories. If you're consistent and also keep a close eye on your nutrition you could make a real difference by September.

A pp mentioned the Sweat app, it's a good recommendation. Stephanie Sanzo is one of the trainers on the app and is excellent

Would light weights do the trick or would it need to be heavy weights? I'm not loving my pandemic shape!

No advice OP but commiserations. I am a flat chested size 6 and I would cry if I had to wear that. If you have any fat on your hips or upper arms it just won’t work. No amount of running or weights will help. Are you sure her other bridesmaids will be happy with it, mid 20s or not? I second the suggestion of sending some unflattering photos

Gosh that is a really unforgiving dress. For exercise, 30 day shred, really toned me up very quickly

OP you are an absolute star for taking this in such good humour. That is an absolute nightmare of a dress. Horrific!

I think whatever you do by way of exercise, shapewear etc, there’s no getting away from the fact the problem here is the dress.

Is is absolutely beyond consideration that the dresses could be changed?

Does your DSis really hate you? That is an absolutely evil dress to choose. You should be spending time enjoying your new baby not freaking out about diets, exercise and incredibly uncomfortable shapewear. I agree with others, can you not ask for a more sensible dress so you can enjoy the day?

Since the other two are much younger bridesmaids could you not be more of a matron of honour and have a dress in the same colour but a complimentary design? A lot of people do that and it would still look nice on photos. You should offer to pay for a new dress of course.

I do agree that a shiny bias cut spaghetti strapped dress is never going to look OK on a short pear shaped person. I had one like that in my 20s. I was not overweight but it just didn't suit my shape at all. It looked shit. I wore it once and binned any photos of said event. At least it was my own choice to look shit though.

If she likes you enough to want you as a bridesmaid surely she will understand that you have to be comfortable and not hating the photos for years afterwards.

It’s so refreshing to see a poster who, while obviously feeling uncomfortable about the choice of dress, isn’t wailing, complaining and causing major drama. Simply looking for a solution.
Good for you OP. It’s great that you are doing all you can to make your DSister happy. I hope you all have a wonderful day - and that some of the advice you’ve received from PP works!

Zumba dance type exercise is surprisingly good for waist, saddlebags, thighs. I had resigned myself to a life of pouch tummy and long tops then in august last year I found a really fun 20 minutes Zumba dance routine and now I do 3 different ones. All the hip wiggling and twisty movements have tightened up all the side bits. The tummy is still wobbly in the middle but the sides now hold it all in.
Good luck!

Otherwise I'm seconding the jumper idea upthread
Wear it with trainers and tell her it's edgy and fashion forward

If all else fails, take a lovely nice dress with you. Have an accident with a large glass of red wine early on in the proceedings this causing you to need to change!

I do think you've got the right attitude towards it though OP. The bridesmaid dress I wore for my DSis was terribly unflattering (I didn't quite realise how much until I saw the photos) and I looked awful next to the much younger petite slender bridesmaid. I really cringed when she put a bunch of photos on Facebook and tagged me. But it was one day, one set of photos. I had a brilliant time regardless and I just don't look at the photos now, so don't give it a moment's thought.

I could lose 3/4 of my bodyweight and this dress still wouldn’t flatter me. The shape is impossible for those who aren’t Giselle-like

Wedding is in September. If you want to (heavily caveated to repeat only if you want to ) you could come and join us on the Mumsnet Low-Carb Boot Camp. You could lose over a stone by then on a HIgh Fat Low Carb Way of Eating - but more importantly, most of us find we lose inches, especially around our waist. And without feeling deprived or hungry in the process.

We're just coming to the end of the current 10 week Boot Camp (although people jump in all the time) but there's a new one starting on 12 April.

Here's a link to the current support chat (a new one for each of the 10 weeks) which also includes, in the OP a link to the Spreadsheet of Fabulousness, which has The Rules as one of the tabs.

Week 10 - Low Carb Bootcamp - the finishing line ! http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lowcarbb_bootcamp/4198885-Week-10-Low-Carb-Bootcamp-the-finishing-line

A shawl to drape over the elbows, Spanx from as high to as low as possible, then concentrate on toning exercises. You've lost lots of weight so you've got this 💪

When they take the photos put one foot in front of the other, and stand sort of sideways. And hold your flowers slightly to one side to detract from your tummy. Practice in the mirror. I wish I'd learnt the standing trick sooner!

When the service and photos are done remove the Spanx and enjoy the party!

I have worn one of those dresses. I was 8.5 stone, 19 and looked fantastic. That was a very long time ago though .

I would get Covid a week before the wedding and be really really ill 😷

Nothing absolutely nothing is worth looking like a trussed up turkey waiting to be plucked and killed

I'm sure your sister would want you to look good and be comfortable. I'm 49 and a bridesmaid for my sister in July as is my 26 year old model like niece. My sister wanted us both to look good and feel comfortable and it wasn't hard to find a dress we were all happy with. There is so much choice out there, there really is no need for anyone not to look great on a wedding day. I honestly couldn't wear a dress I thought I looked awful in. I'm sure your sister would be understanding if you spoke to her.

Your sister also needs to remember that she wants all eyes on her, not on the bridesmaids.

If someone is looking all awkward and unflattering in a bad dress, it will really draw the eye, and might limit which photos look nice.

Oh my god, that dress style looks like literal shite on anyone who isn't a 21yo 6ft model. I think you deserve a medal for being willing to put the thing on at all. I genuinely don't know what I'd do if one of my sisters asked me to wear that as a bridesmaid. Other than check them for a head injury, because they have bodies and colouring like mine and should know what a shitshow it would be. (And I'm a size 8 and like my body, imperfect as it is.)

Anyway, all this to say that if you don't want to say "errrrr this dress is an actual crime against women's bodies, can I wear something different please", I would just get some spanx, carry on with a healthy sustainable eating and exercise approach, and remind yourself it's only one day and you're a saint. Good luck.

I also suggest you show the bride how you look in it, your discomfort on the day will be a big factor and she should really be willing to consider it. As a back up I'd get a large dress and take it to a seamstress to see what can be done to alter it. Thay dress style doesn't suit everyone, regardless of how recently they gave birth, and I'd be looking to make it into more of a fit and flare from a high waist as opposed to the tummy and thigh skimming dress it is.

Well it's a good job you're more forgiving than that dress OP because you're going to look and feel awful on what should be a special day. Did she not allow any input from the people who would be wearing the dresses?

But as long as she looks good hey.

Beautiful style and material dress for the tall, willowy among us.
Sadly 5'1" size 14 me wouldn't look great.

If I did wear it, I've no idea about underwear but I'd try to draw attention to my upper body with some nice earrings or a pendant.
I'd also start experimenting with fake tan for a bit or colour and to disguise my less than perfect chest and arms area and give me a bit of confidence.