Male performative cooking, it’s a thing isn’t it?

[Beeth0ven]

Characterised by:

Weekly cadence
Complex recipes (often involving trips to specialist shops to source)
While day needed (or substantial park of the day) to cook
Low engagement with wider family during process
No expectation of clearing up afterwards, despite WILD amount of mess

Has anyone else observed this? Has it been widely discussed on here?

And it's usually followed with a self congratulatory "oooh, that was really nice, wasn't it?". With regular reminders throughout the month / year(s) "Those pasties/pie/cake I made that time, they were AMAZING weren't they". 🤣

What's wrong with prep bowls?

Oh and when we eat the meal we all have to fawn over how tender the beef is/moist the chicken is/so full of flavour etc....

Whilst the 99% of meals I make are NEVER commented on!

My DH insists on cooking when we have people round and get all the credit and I've started to say bugger that, I want to do the nice occasions too.

Yep and everyone has to keep saying how amazing it is whilst eating 🤷🏼‍♀️

@changi

What's wrong with prep bowls?

So much washing up, which is fine if he does the washing up, but a lot seem to just leave the mess of all the bowls and pot and pans for their wives to wash up.

Mine keeps saying we've got all those cook books we never use let's choose a recipe every very week and then cook that for sunday dinner.

What he actually means is, I will choose the recipe, you can organise the purchase of all the extra bits we don't have that cost a fucking fortune and blow the whole weeks budget, and we will only Ever use for that one recipe. You can then cook it and it will be great because it's something different.

Reader I can tell you that so far it has not happened. I do not want to spend ALL my Sundays trying to cook something new. I cook every other meal, I'm not doing that too!

@changi

What's wrong with prep bowls?

I'm left to wash the fucking things up.

Me, making a salad - just chop stuff up and put it into the salad bowl as I go along.

Dh, making a salad - chop it up bit by bit, put it all ingredients into their own separate bowls, then pick up the little bowls and pour into the salad bowl one by one. Whyyyyyyy!???

NO. NEED.

@lottiegarbanzo

I think it's fine if a) it's recognised as hobby time, not fulfillment of a necessary service to the family and b) the cook cleans up.

In our house the cook cleans up after themselves, the other person puts children to bed. So the cook / cleaner gets a grottier job but gains by finishing earlier and they reap the reward of any cleaning as they go, they've done.

This Always been the rule in our house. The cook cleans up after themselves. I am very tidy and clean as I go. My younger son is the same - now 24. Stbexh and elder son use every pan, make it look like a war zone. Then spend hours after the meal repairing their own damage.

I can’t understand the you cook I’ll clean rule. Grew up in a house with a mum who used every pan, a dad who insisted on washing up in slow motion, and us 3 kids standing for an hour drying up and putting way...left me with scars🤣🤣

People have husbands that cook?

My dh phones his mum on his kitchen wank day to make sure she knows he is cooking

@wizzywig

My dh phones his mum on his kitchen wank day to make sure she knows he is cooking

Oh god mine does this too!! He will phone her four of five times during cooking it. Send photos. Will even video something cooking in the fucking oven or FaceTime her.

If my Ds ever does that to me I will laugh at him and tell him to piss off.

Not here! DH's speciality is a bacon sandwich. He is currently making eggs Benedict for brunch, however that includes some ham from the butcher, English muffins in the toaster, hollandaise from Waitrose and he's using those little poaching bags for the eggs, I don't mind that it's not a culinary feat because he thought about it in advance, bought the bits himself and will clear up after. He's ordered from pasta evangelists for dinner, cooking isn't his forte but he doesn't expect anything from me today.
I'm usually the one creating loads of washing up cooking elaborate dishes, although I mainly tidy as I go, but he'll do the kitchen clean, dishwasher etc after.

This post had me giggling. Mr. Kitchen Gadget is always buying various tools to get these feasts on a TABLE FOR 2! Drives me crazy that this normally sane man channels a Top Chef and puts on enough food for a village. Too bad my nephew is now away at college and I can’t get him and his pals to “clean up” the leftovers.

Dh always makes a roast in a Sunday. I love a roast but not bothered if we don't have one.

He always expects me to help serve which annoys me and I always clean up after which would be fine if he actually tidied up as he went...I'm talking putting empty packets in the bin, wiping spills and putting things in dishwasher as he goes all of which I do when I'm cooking. But the worst thing is I have to wipe down all the cupboards and tiles afterwards I think he hacks the potatoes with a machete as there's always potato starch on EVERYTHING even the ceiling!!!

And one of my chief bugbears is in between timings he will sit in the kitchen on his phone as he can't possibly look after children, do washing, tidy, hoover etc etc at the same time.....even if the meat goes in 1 hr before everything else he can't leave the kitchen!

A couple weekends ago I wanted to pop to the shop for something and said I'd eat when I got back as i wasn't that hungry yet. He got really annoyed as he'd "slaved for over 2 hrs to make my dinner".

Oops I seemed to have gone on a rant!

Very funny thread! My DH is a good cook and his family know it so (even tho he’s not a performance cook) he gets all the praise if they’re round even if eg I made the starter and dessert and he did the main meal! He has to awkwardly say well wife did some of it

' The salad dressing he takes half an hour to prepare and which must be fawned over like it's right out of Gordon Ramsey's ball sack is made of chip shop vinegar mixed with vegetable oil, applied so liberally that I worry local wildlife may fall into my salad (sad looking iceberg lettuce, far too much red onion and a bit of floppy cucumber), and need specialist cleaning by the RSPB. '

@Heysiriyoutwat

Thanks, you've made my day with that description!

Mine does very basic meals liek a jacket potato but will then take 40 mins putting together a posh salad. He also wants to put evrry spice known to man in anything he makes then is annoyed that it doesn't taste good. I'm all for experimenting with recipes but putting 20 spices in without eveb measuring or remembering what you've put in?!

This thread is hilarious

I'm single this mother's day so I don't have to worry about it this yr

My husband keeps a pictorial record of his kitchen tomwankery, and shares the photos with friends and family. Both of our mums think he's an absolute wonder and think I'm so lucky to have a husband who will cook .

DH reads cook books like they are porn
He will find a recipe and talk about it for about a week before he makes it
He will have endless trips to the shops for the ingredients
During the cooking nobody can use the kitchen, which is just as well as the loud sighing is quite annoying
He uses every pot pan and utensil we own
And if I don’t eat every mouthful he demands to know what was wrong with it. But if I dare to criticise any part of the meal he gets all huffy and says he doesn’t know why he bothers

So much washing up

I'm left to wash the fucking things up.

Dishwashing machine?

Prep bowls make perfect sense for some recipes. Salad is pushing it though.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Not in my house. Its the same recipe over and over which I MUST be grateful for.

Me too. Must be grateful for sausage and unseasoned mash with frozen (and often still cold) peas. I'd take performance cooking over tasteless slop any day!

my DH does all the cooking, inc boring kids lunches, all the food shopping. The food is delish. AND helps tidy afterwards. Doesn’t make too much of a fuss.

He is a god / normal for women.

@Beeth0ven

Prep bowls 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻

Tbh, I do use prep bowls on occasion when it’s spices, and when it’s quick stages

But I clear up afterwards and my oh does the chopping for me too

this would infuriate me

Funny thread, my DH does do this definitely - buys all the gadgets and special flours, pizza oven, spends hours perfecting the pizza dough. BUT he is very tidy and generally a brilliant cook, does 70% of the normal weeknight cooking as well.