Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(

[Molly1989]

So after being up every hour with DS last night including being peed on at 3am, and just having had my first shower in four days, DH presents me with my Mother's Day gift. A toilet roll holder. I want to cry. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted, but I did repeatedly, and even if I hadn't, a toilet roll holder? Meh. Anyone else care to join me in solidarity?

@2pinkginsplease

A thoughtless and shitty gift.

I’d rather have a card with nice words in it than a crap gift.

One Mothers Day, My dh once bought me a crappy box of chocolates that I didn’t like, being petty I kept them and gave him them back for Father’s Day. I’ve had lovely thoughtful gifts since then😂😂😂😂

This Nice one, 2pinkgins, not petty at all! Seems it worked.

Why have you not had a shower for 4 days? Why is he not getting up in the night? None of this sounds respectful or caring.

WTF did you cook him breakfast and then watch him prance off to have a shower???

WTalmightyF?

You haven't showered in 4 days? Why not! What on earth is he doing to pull his weight at home with the house and baby?

You accepted a vaccum cleaner as your Christmas present? And now a loo roll holder? Are you fucking mad? You should have kicked off then and now.

I remember your other thread - I think the present is the least of your problems tbh.

Your partner sounds really nasty.

You need to train him, OP

ffs men don’t need training, they’re not puppies. Assuming her husband doesn’t have a learning disability that would prevent him from considering what she might like the sad fact is He just doesn’t care. Your husband just didn’t care. Instructing him to get you something better doesn’t make him care about your feelings more.

I just looked up your other thread. I’m sorry op but he sounds nasty verging on abusive. You need to leave him

@Splicedbananas

Do you think men like this really listen? I've been in this situation and they don't, they just turn it round to you and accuse you of being a nag or other sins until you get worn down. Maybe it's true that OP has been brought up not to think of herself first (or at all) and that compounds it. It does in time ruin the love and respect you have for the men too

People who say, I just don't know why someone doesn't stand up for themselves just don't get it. Although it is the best way, it's something that people learn to do in healthy families or because someone supports them in being assertive

No. People who say that say it because they understand that if a person hasn't learned to be assertive via good parenting, they need to learn now, to prevent their crap relationship wrecking their life altogether. You're right, people like OP's partner don't listen, so OP must take responsibility for herself. You're saying that he won't listen, that OP's respect for him will be diminishing, and that OP has not learned to be assertive. It's all true, but what's your solution, if it's not for OP to take responsibility and learn to be more assertive?

The other thread makes for such frustrating reading.

@Molly1989 no amount of threads on mumsnet is going to change your life. Only you can do that.

Oh OP I am with the majority here, more shocked about the shower situation! That’s nearly a week without I shower!!! But the gift in the bin, what a horrible, inconsiderate man.

I have 2 kids under 3 and I shower twice a day most days, didn’t realise this was a bloody luxury.

Hope you do get to relax and enjoy the day with your LO

I've just read your other thread.
The toilet roll holder is the tip of a massive iceberg.
How long are you going to endure this? Until DS learns this appalling attitude and laziness is acceptable and will treat his future partner the same, or will you say enough is enough before then?
and a bucket of courage for you, Molly.

My 13 yo dd just handed me a bottle of washing up liquid and said you didn’t want chocolates so here we go!
Questioning where the £20 I gave her for flowers went!! 😂

That's a dreadful gift. YANBU @Molly1989

Make sure you buy him a small pack of picture hooks for Father's Day.

@Snowpatrolling

My 13 yo dd just handed me a bottle of washing up liquid and said you didn’t want chocolates so here we go! Questioning where the £20 I gave her for flowers went!! 😂

OMG! I'd be asking for it back!!!

Get him (a cheap) toilet roll for Fathers day.

Yes please wrap up a loo roll or the roll holder and when he looks surprised/pissed off , look VERY genuinely surprised at that as he obviously thought it was a suitable present for you!

This reminds me of the time Fil bought mil a squeegee for the shower for her birthday. Apparently she never wiped the shower screen down.

He then compounded it by saying he wasn’t sure what to buy and it was either squeegee or washing machine.

This was over breakfast when we had bought mil lovely gifts. Fave soaps wine gin handbag etc. (It was a big birthday.....)

Fil is lucky to still be alive.

They are divorced now.

4 year old presented me with a whisk.
It's the thought that counts 😉
The nursery card was a sheet of A4 paper folded with a red scribble.
Ho hum

Could be worse. My friends son rang to say.. he had managed to get rid of the girlfriend and baby today... and could she pick up the girls... so he could have the day to himself.

Better than the nothing I got followed by being reminded I’m selfish when mentioned I was a bit hurt. Just the usual for me - I’m sorry you’re disappointed; I understand - it feels wick. Try and look at it in the grater scheme and it really doesn’t matter.

Work on building up your self esteem and confidence. Hopefully by the time it's Father's Day, you'll have found the courage to leave him.

It isn't a bit of a laugh that he got you a shit present, it's just plain disrespectful. You haven't had a shower in days, well you might as well be single as you're clearly getting no support from the other adult in the house.

I get upset seeing threads like this, there are too many women on Mumsnet in the same situation as you. "I do all the housework, childcare and everything but wipe my husband's arse" meanwhile, husband dearest is living the life of riley and having a great time. The attitude is nearly always "typical men, what are they like haha" well no, it's not typical men, it's women with such low self worth that they are willing to put up with being treated appallingly by shitty men who say they love them so they can have an unpaid skivvy

Was that a wind up or something !!!??

Is a well know for being a practical joker /(a wind up merchant )!!!???

If he is tell him its looong overdue to grow up,
Mothers day should be taken far more serious than that !

What a shit gift he gave you !

I think if he was clue less ,he could checked the internet out,
he could have had some new fresh ideas
or
If money was issue

He could

He could given you a heart felt letter of love and appreciation ect.

x

That so weird. I just got a card (not bothered about presents) but a toilet roll holder is so much worse than nothing

Ask him would he buy a toilet brush holder for anyone else?? If he answers yes get a list of acceptable presents (flowers chocolate, wine, spirit of choice, night away, soaps and bubble baths- add some for men) frame it and put it in the bathroom (so he can’t claim to have lost it). And tell him he’s doing all present buying from now on as he needs the practice!

I suspect the gift for many will be to get in a grump about poor/absence of a present; go around with a face like a smacked arse; and enjoy the martyrdom. Whereas if they’d recover a wilting bunch of flowers, they wouldn’t have been able to righteously get in a mood.

All that will happen is that any children will just think - “another one of mum’s moods. Glad I didn’t make the effort!”

It is 11:22 and no one in my house has even acknowledge Mother’s Day yet......I have phoned my mum and she has thanked me for the gifts I sent by so far husband and son haven’t said a word to me about it.....